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Sunday, December 27th, 2009
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11:32 pm - ~Bouncing Back~
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Well, the last journal entry covered the going-ons of October and November for the most part...and I had to finally stop. It was too big to even go in one journal entry, LJ and Facebook had to split it into two, and in some cases--such as MySpace--it had to be split into four. So...for the sake of taking it easy on the reader, I decided October and November was enough, with just a touch of December at the end--not the real deal. That being said, we're half-way through December and some change, and I'd like to not let things stack up like that again. So, here we go with December's dealings and some extras:
~Makin' Some Changes!~
The new location had an immediate positive impact on myself, and on our lives. There was more buzz, better energy, and more interest in socializing. We’d gone from filthy apartment rooms with seven people who, if they were sober enough to realize where they were, didn’t care, to being in front of our own porch and good friends on it, sprawled about in a laze. I thought that was absolutely necessary for our success. Things seemed to improve already from then-on; Jim not only got a new job, but an immediate promotion within that job. He now made something on the score of $900 a day. ...A lot, yes. Enough to buy Matt a ticket outright to Florida for Christmas. Must be nice.
This was also within walking distance of my job, who's hours started to open up to full time. I'd now be making something along the lines of a $1,000 a month, if this kept up. Unfortunately, a lot of that had to do with the firing of Elias on Thanksgiving. As you'd read in the last journal entry, the masses were made sick by forcing John and myself to work when we got the sickness...one of those affected was Elias, who had to call in. Unfortunately, he'd had absences before, and this was downright intolerable in their eyes. They wrote every person up for being sick, and that write-up was the last of three thereby getting Elias fired.
And they waited 'til Thanksgiving to fucking to do it. "Hey, thanks for coming in to work. Happy Thanksgiving, go see your family!...oh, by the way, you're fired."
This happened mostly because there was no manager in charge of these people--Peter Yee skipped town. It was in SUCH bad form, I nearly walked out on the job over it. I don't care what their reasoning is--Elias could have been setting the store on fire while walking out with unpaid fish tanks strapped to his legs and cat food in his arms with a massive cat post across his shoulders, and I STILL think it'd be tremendously bad form to fire someone on Thanksgiving (or, in their case, the evening before.) The only way they could have fucked it up worse was to fire Elias on Christmas. Seriously, they could'a waited 'til fucking Monday.
I calmed down and reconsidered it, but, I wasn't at all happy, and it made me lose all respect for those in charge at the time. Things only got worse without a GM.
~Toeing The Line~
The next big incident came during our moving. We'd done things like move Nagel and working now the full time hours at PetSmart, the bones were weary this month with all this shit...then came moving stuff. The week of constant moving and constant working. Remember when I said I was done? Well, this was the PetSmart side of things. Normall, working a stocker job doesn't bother me--I can lift a lot, and I can do it for hours without trouble. But the sheer volume of super-heavy taking place outside the job only added to working the full-time Christmas haul of crap everywhere. It was madness. After the evening concerning final cleaning concerning all things, including that couch, I went back to work again.
My arm was feeling messed up, and my body wasn't much better--the back and legs. But, I felt ok enough to come in. Denise here decides to put me on Kitty Litter of all things, three palettes of the stuff...so whatever, right? But then, Denise decides that I seem slower than usual. Which is interesting, 'cuz I always go the same pace, and she always thinks it's just not fast enough, even though I generally get things done on time unless I can't find the damn things and have to waste time tracking them down (Denise adamently refuses to show you where an item is, you must find it on your own, and non-managers aren't allowed the use of a scanner.) This has been a growing friction between us since Day One: That I'm not as fast as, say, Jim.
So I tell her the cause, that my back and arm are super-sore after moving like three houses, and and she tells me that I should have called in before and not come in to work, so she could replace my hours with someone else's, because injuries mean I'm wasting her time for someone who could do the job faster, and the fact of the matter is I could make the injuries worse. This is tremendously contradictory to the write-up I got specifically because I had five days off this year when we're allowed six. Yes, I know, I got written up for almost reaching my maximum-allotted days off, even though I never quite got to it. Stupid. That's aside the point: I mentioned this, and she remained steadfast, I should have called in.
Duly noted.
I ask her if she would then like me to go home, and she says no, and has me do kitty litter. I finish everything on time and decently despite the injury's "slowing me down", and I go home wondering what the Hell it was that Denise was talking about. I hadn't been to sleep yet, mind you--not since before The Couch and the shit that came with it. So, after sleeping, the injuries get much more severe...not sure why, but according to my doctor, they got more severe because blood has gone to the area to help out, but it also causes swelling and stiffness, and now they're mad...but anyway, my arms could extend or curl without tremendous pain, my back was stiff and painful, and my legs and feet feel like they were on fire. I took Denise's advice.
I call another manager, Marcus, that evening after calling my doctor to get a note; Marcus is also a manager at PetSmart, and by far the best to work under so far in my experiences, rare as it is. See, PetSmart's policy is to call one hour before your shift if you're calling in...but like the last time, unfortunately, PetSmart opens at 4am, and there's no answering machine to speak of. I'd learned my lesson, and called as close to that as I could--just before they closed. I explained everything to Marcus--that I can't make it to work, since he's the only one there, and Marcus tells me I should see about talking to Denise and getting something lighter to do if I feel up to it. I agree, if he thinks I can get reduced hours. He says that shouldn't be an issue.
The morning comes for my shift, and I do *not* feel up to going...my shift is at 4am, so I cannot call before my shift as the store doesn't open before 4, so I call precisely at 4 to lay my concerns--better than walking all the way there. My pains've not gotten better, and so I call Denise and she insists I come in anyway, despite telling me I shouldn't. I tell her I don't mind coming in, so long as it's not heavy-lifting, and she understands that I will be slow, and then I ask if it's possible that I get reduced hours since I might not be able to work the full eight hour shift. Denise agrees, and says I can work four or five hours. Well, hey, not so bad after all right? So, I go in.
Once getting there, it's a complete 180, and she is not coaxing me with kindness to please come in and we'll take it easy like she did the phone--instead, she insists that I'm fifteen minutes late (I walked while sore--she knew I'd be late already), and that this would count against my attendance pool, and doubly-so if I left home early, despite the fact that I had a doctor telling us that I should NOT be coming in at ALL. Even with the knowledge of there going to be a doctor's note, it doesn't matter to her, and I get a five minute lecture on this. She puts me on pet care totes, which are black boxes stuffed with an assortment of crap intended to go on various isles. No big deal, I figure.
I do my totes, which take me two hours rather than one to complete. During this time, half of them are done within the first hour, but I have a few things I do not know where they belong, and due to the nature of my back--it literally will not bend--I do not put them down onto the low cart, but rather instead on the high-top of the shelf. Genie, the assistant manager, usually has me overstock anything that doesn't have a home anyway, and I do not see a home for these items. So, when I was DONE with Totes, I wanted to grab the elusive Denise and ask where things went, if indeed they went anywhere, and do as I should do. I can't find Denise, so I go on my break instead. Maybe that was a big mistake.
When I come back from break, Denise at length tells me I purposefully misplaced the items in question. Like, doesn't ask me if I did, merely states that I did, as if there was absolutely no doubt. And as I try to explain what happened, she doesn't listen and continues on saying that I was stocking them when I wasn't supposed to. This is another issue, because her standing orders outright conflicted with Genie's, and had done so in the past. She then started to add things, saying I'd been intentionally stocking the shelves badly--which is crap, 'cuz I'm always complimented--even from Denise--that I make things look good.
When I asked for an example, her only instance she could site being this one point where I was bringing fish-rocks over and I realized one of the bags had been broken on the palette they came off of. So I piled the bags on their rightful spot, and rushed the spilling bag into the back to be in the pile of things that need to be keyed out. I come back, and Fern--fellow employee--is next to Denise, and Fern has completed the task of putting the bags all away on the shelf and making them look neat. I intended to do this, but she'd done it first. It was very nice, but I was sitting here being told I intended to leave it as such.
Things got ugly, and I toed the line. I don't like being told what I intended to do, as if someone else knows me better than me. I try to say my case, but she says "I AM ENDING THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW, NO MORE TALKING, IF YOU CAN'T WORK HERE, THEN DON'T WORK HERE." I felt talked to like an idiot-child, and like I couldn't address my personal issues with a superior at my job. My voice was stomped out, via threat. I bit my tongue for the moment 'til I could get some legal advice, but the rest of the day didn't improve things. Denise starts finding things I never even *saw* before and saying they were put in the wrong places and that I was putting them there. Things that did not come out of my totes.
I told her I had nothing to do with the things she was finding, and she told me, "Then I guess they MAGICALLY appeared there, didn't they Walker? Because they weren't misplaced an hour ago!" in a very sarcastic and demeaning manner. Again, I felt like I was being treated like a child. We debated it a little, and then I told her she could check the UPC/bar code with the inventory list of my totes, and show me where that product was involved with my totes. She stopped and never checked, leading me to believe she is LOOKING for reasons to fire me now--it's all a pattern. She'd done it before, and I'd seen it--this random accusing was very simply not professional.
Like I said, I finished my totes two hours in, and Denise comes around the corner and says "COME ON WALKER, WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW??" and she asks it in a way that feigns concern and confusion...and very pointedly, as if "allowing" me the chance to answer with the correct thing to say rather than what I told her hours before, she wanted me to say something like "sorry, I'll go faster". But that's not me, and I explain to her that, mere hours ago, I had a conversation with her concerning this very reason--it's why I called in, and she knew I was going to be slow. That's not what she wanted to hear, and she walks away in a huff.
I pack up all my boxes, put them all away, and then she appears moments later saying even though I'm injured, it doesn't mean I can't hustle. I need to be fast. I say, "uh..yes, yes it *does* mean I can't hustle! That is, in fact, *exactly* what that means!" and she goes, "Do I have to send you home?? Can you not do the job, is that what this is?!" and starts yelling at me with things along these lines. I had to interrupt her to say, "that IS the reason I called to try and take it off earlier today!" and so, she sends me home, yelling at me the whole time about how this is going to count as my ABSENCE rather than anything else, even though I was NOT absent for work this day--I came in, and I did things.
I just had to go home early. This is wrong, and it was false information she was putting on my permanent record. I had considered, by this point, doing what I usually do when I see managers not only acting unprofessionally and unfairly, but also not holding themselves to the same rules--I go around being as openly antagonistic and difficult to work with as anyone could possibly be. I call bullshit when I see bullshit. I pull no punches and don't even try to pretend I was toeing the company line. Every boss with the feeling that they could hold special interests for themselves, and special rules for themselves, got to see this side of me--I might even like them outside of work, but that hardly matters. When there's wrong-doing, I generally turn up the trouble 'til it gets real loud. I feel so much better that way.
Chris (Harris) felt the same way. I double-checked with him to gather his thoughts, since he's kinda my moral compass; he keeps me being me, and if I find myself drifting from that, he reminds me what I stand for in case I get clouded by that anger. He told me about the same--"Walker, whatever you do, don't quit. But outright refuse to do anything that goes beyond what you believe in. If they fire you, get unemployment, 'cuz in this recession I know that you can." And he was about right, especially since we'd be getting canned for things that were just ridiculous. I had it in my mind that I'd tell Denise the next time she complains about my "speed", I'd say "If you don't find me useful whatsoever, you're welcome to send me home at any time." And, eventually, one way or another I'd get my way.
Jim, being the more analytical thinker out of the two of us, suggested a different plan when he heard what I was going to be doing, and what caused this. He'd been telling me to do it here and there anyway, 'cuz of the write-up incidents about calling in sick and being forced to come in against CDC, but see I've never used the HR card, and quite frankly I didn't believe in it. The image I’d had of a rebel--which, quite frankly, I played up and exploited from time to time--had worked well to convince me that there was an "us vs. them" in a system like this. In the corporate structure it was a handicap. They wanted corporate committee clones, not mavericks. So, they'd see someone like me with a problem, and they'd just shrug. Just a number. But, Jim was very adamant that I call them this time.
And he had the plan to go and shut Denise up once and for all on the side.
~The Expensive "Fuck Off".~
Denise seemed to have the theory that this was all stuff I couldn't back up, and in any normal event, she was right. As a guy without money, or health insurance, I could be suffering the Black Plague and still not have the money required to go to a doctor to even get a check up. This isn't Mexico, Canada, or the U.N.--this is America, and (for the moment) America remains on a system that, unless you company supplies it instead, health care isn't available to anyone 'sept those that can pay. I fit nicely into that bracket. While I said I'd talked to doctors and could *get* a note, that was different then *having* one, and my next paycheck was a while yet. And she banked on it not being good enough to push this through.
She became more and more aggressive. But I knew something she didn’t know.
Despite the low amount of income I make as a person, that didn't mean the people I lived with were, and James was the heavy-weight chess piece of the PetSmart world by this point that descended from the rafters and delivered quick justice. He told me he could get it done, and took me off to a place--I think, now, it's Camino medical center, but I wasn't sure at the time, and paid for my visit outright. It was a fair chunk of change. We waited in the office, bullshitted, and then I saw the doctor who refused to let me work for the next two weeks. She took one look at the situation after some tests, and said I'd only make things worse if I did.
She didn't know me that well! But, I said, "I need to work, tho--I need money." and we kinda went back and forth on this before we agreed on "Walker shouldn't live things above 5 to 10 pounds for two weeks". Denise wanted this note presented to her on Sunday. Denise wasn't there on Sunday to receive this note, and obviously things got lost in translation. The following work day, it was also not brought--I walk, and it's raining, and who's to know if she'll actually be there? So she said I had to have the note faxed over before I left or things were over, again confident there wasn't one to deal with...but I did no such thing.
I just left, went and got the note, came back, and deposited it into the new general manager's hands. Then I called HR. In calling them, they took down my say-so, said that wasn't a good working environment, and then gave it to the District Manager Randy. Randy called me, concerned by what he heard, and I retold it all and gave him a copy as well. He told me not to tell anyone at the work that I'd done so, so he could keep an eye on things without Denise really knowing, and then went on to have me type up my notes his way. Then, he turned around and sent them on down to the new boss...Vic.
~Vic!~
The appearance of Victor Zullo happened on the very day me and HR and Randy had this talk--I'd seen him earlier that day, as well as had an incident with Denise that just really pissed me off. I didn't want to involve him though, because he seemed like a nice guy, and no need to throw crap onto his desk the moment he goes through the door--this was a problem well seeded, and he'd likely have no idea what's going on. But, Randy insisted this be brought to his desk anyhow, if for no other reason then he's the head guy and he ought to know. So, sure, Randy does as needed, and we'd meet the next time we could. The end result was good stuff--Denise was actually very polite to me and mine for the next, say, week and a half.
Vic, himself, ended up being a tremendous change for the store...you didn't need the numbers to tell you that, although within two weeks it continued to climb the corporate ladder in the "who's got the best store" listings, you could literally feel the change in the *air*...as if all the scattered energies vying for control among Genie, Denise, and others suddenly completely redirected to Vic, and he was holding the lightning rod that would absorb that power and make it useful. So far, he's absolutely tremendous...both practical, and pleasant. The initial image is very different then Peter's--rather than being a geeky-looking sour and uptight presentation, he looks like a biker that decided to hop into a button-down shirt and some khakis. Bald head, big goatee, big guy, and confident attitude.
Vic took a look at the situation with me and Denise and told me, "New leaf." He didn't care about how many absences took place before, that was old news. Old write-ups? Not his problem. He was starting fresh, and this was his new team, and he wanted to treat us all like we'd just gotten hired that exact moment and work from there. New slate. He told it to me, and he told it to Denise, and whatever else he said worked (at least for a little bit) because Denise wasn't an issue anymore for a while there. Vic didn't even care about things like shirts and how tucked they were, or what coat you wore when you were cold (he wears one often himself), or if you were a stocker jammin' to some tunes...he cared about results.
If the store was clean, organized, and customers were being cared for? That's what mattered.
And that is exactly correct. That's how the cellphone guys do it, and that's how every business should be...with the customer in mind. I'd heard once from Dustin that, at his PetSmart, a new manager really changed how things felt--I don't remember if the new replacement had been better or worse for him, but I do remember things were tremendously different according to Dustin. And now, I was getting to experience that level of change here too. It's not perfect, but those issues are being ironed out and handled with care, rather than the typical bullshit. Whatever leaks of stupid end up coming up, I just take it to Vic now, and my concerns are put at ease, for the most part! Let's see if it continues to last.
~Shenanigans~
I think I have discovered something that possibly exists at all times of the year, but focuses it's power to the holidays. I like to call him Anti-Clause. An exact opposite of Santa, but very alike in many ways--the Nega Duck to Santa, if you will. The concept is that he gains more power the closer the end of the year comes, and like the real Santa, you never see him, but he operates on this global basis fueled by hatred...and, he delivers not presents, but bad outcomes. There's no tree to put it under, no unwrapping, it's programmed to act just when you don't need it the most. But, there's a time in the year where things like that can be staved off. The continuous misfortune of our time can be set aside, and our spirits can be rejuvenated.
New Years. As everyone knows, this is the kinda tradition--started with Jamie--that I fly across the country to see attend (the other being Metrocon, started with Nick). It's one of those passions I never give up, and that I encourage all my good friends to attend all around the world. Lately, it's been a little difficult to secure a place to do said New Years party, but we always manage a way, and Jamie's new place with her boyfriend (also named Nick) would be the theoretical spot this time around. Unfortunately, things this time around aren't so easy. We'd been sort-of banking on it being at Nick and Jamie's place, but the problem is her boyfriend is fairly against the celebration...is my understanding. I don't exactly get why, but he has shown no interest in getting to know any of her friends in the first place. There's more to it, but it's not the point.
I'd intended to find an alternative, but Jamie said she was pretty sure she should host it at her house, it being her party and all, and so I went with this theory until the last minute, where Jamie told me she wasn't going to do it--that she had no support, and that it was too late to send out the invites anyhow. I was pretty sure she had my support, so I persisted and said, hey, everyone who knows you throw a party every year and have for nearly a decade, is going to expect it this year. So, it'll just be a matter of feeding them an addy! But her issue then became that she didn't expect anyone to come anyway. I fed off a list of confirmations I had so far, but she'd made note that those were my friends and not her's on the grounds that she never saw any of them 'sept a very few times in the year, if any, and...while I thought that's just because she keeps herself busy, the point stood that she felt she'd be hosting my party, not our party.
I tried again, you know...to inspire her! 'Cuz I figured (correctly) that she was feeling lousy, that she had no friends now, so I made sure to tell her that the people really enjoyed her presence, and they thought of her as a friend, and they were looking forward to seeing her again and the party again, and ended it with a "and if that ain't a good reason to throw the party, then 'Bah Humbug' right back at you!" as sort of a Brian Randall-esque joke. Only, I guess it didn't come off that way, 'cuz she thought I was guilt tripping her. We've since talked over a lunch with Jim and Mark and that matter seems cleared up, but I was worried...since then, Sarah (Bronson) had heard that the very New Years party she'd been invited to might get called off, and got a hold of me to tell me she intended the tradition to continue, and she'd let us host it at her house in Elk Grove. This is more like the old years with it in the Sacramento area, but I thought...why not?
Even still, Jamie doesn't want to do it. Thanks, Anti-Clause. One of two things I really, really look forward to every year is this tradition, and that doesn't weigh much. We'll just add that on to the bullshit of lately anyhow. But hey, even without Jamie, we'll do our very best to upkeep what we can...it's still being held at Sarah's, and we'll still do what we do. Anyone coming lemme know. Me, #2, Jacob, Zeke, Kurtis, Dustin, Becca, Brent, Bobby, Jim, Matt, myself, and Sarah will all be there so far confirmed, and nothin's gonna stop me from making it so; Hell, Denise and Genie conveniently forgot that I took off that day and told them I was taking it off a month and some change ago, the paperwork all good and lost right? Even that was a no-go. They said, "Requests are just that, Walker: Requests." and I said, "I wasn't requesting. I was informing you that I was not going to be here on the 1st of New Years. I'm sorry you think you'll need me, but I won't be here."
Fire me or don't, I'm not breaking tradition for shit, was basically what I put on the table.
Thankfully, Vic is a tremendous guy. He understood the problem, that money was spent to put this forward, and that this was a decade-or-so old tradition, and the year was 2010--a big year, indeed. He believed me when he said I got the day off by Genie, and told me to just take it--he'd work out the details later. Again, tremendous guy, and a very different direction then the others. PetSmart is already #1 in rankings, and it climbed up very fast from it's abysmal numbers previously established. He's let me go at the pace I need, and in return I've straightened up and fixed things in that place absolutely no one else would ever touch. I don't think I wanna work at PetSmart for the rest'a my days, especially with Denise and Genie and their new rules that aren't even in the books (we all take breaks at the same time now to account for each other, for instance), but I'm glad to work there with him 'til such time as I find better. Good show.
Anyway, that's all the big updates I have for now. I'll let you know what comes of it, New Years!
Happy New Years,
Walker Pennington.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: 2NE1 - I Don't Care
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
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12:00 pm - ~Shit Storms pt. II~
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If you're just now getting at this, this is a two-parter to a journal entry that I just posted. Why, you might ask, is it I'm posting them in two places? Well, the fact of the matter is, the posts are just too big for Facebook. *THAT* much shit, has happened in my life, in the last two months, worth going into detail about. And we all know I'm pretty big on detail. Now, I've set up a few things, and the most recent of things would be the job market. Since then, I've been trying out at other places too, although loosely--like I said, I didn't even have a tremendous reason at this point to go looking for one other than the fact that I wanted more hours when I got out of Gyro's.
And Gyro's, and life dealing with Gyro's, was taxing enough as it was.
~Living Conditions~
~Life at the Elliot's~
I've always loved visiting Rebecca's family, which is where Zeke and Rebecca currently live. Her dad is just tremendous, although I'll be first to admit I never really got to know her mom or sister that well--they seem nice. Rebecca's dad was tank driver/shooter for the military back in his time with the army, so he's always got tremendous stories to tell (not that his good stories are only limited to military life), and we can talk about anything ranging from whiskeys to pleasant discussions on religions. And what's more, they tolerated my presence throughout this whole Gyro's thing without a single fuss. Dude simply said, "make yourself at home, help yourself to whatever", and that's rare. People's parents aren't usually that kinda nice to me--Matt's parents, Rahan's parents, and Nick's parents rank among the most memorable.
I was using the typical spot guests use, or at least the one me and Jasmine would use, a little side-cove to the entry of the front door. It was decked out with piano, a red couch, a British flag-decorated blanket citing the awesomeness of girls all over it (I assume this used to be Rebecca's at some point), Mention Geoffry, fish, an innerestin' clock made of weird lights I could never figure out, and a massive library of old, informative books, namely on cars and history. This room had seen a lot of memories, and it comforting despite them, and this was my "room" for what would be the month of October while things continue to go on back at the Monroe house. I had a tremendous time there, what little time it is that was spent not sleeping, and it was a relief from the stresses going on in my life--not much of one, but one all the same.
That's not to say there were no issues. Not only did I feel like kind of a mooch 'cuz I didn't (yet) have the money to invest in much more than treating Zeke and Rebecca to what meals I could afford us via PetSmart checks, but by being told by Rebecca's dad to make myself at home, I'd constantly--and inadvertently--do something to upset her brother Geoff. One thing would lead to the next, as well, so complaints stacked up and I don't doubt I made him more than a little irritated by it. Like, I'd use some shampoo and I'd hear, oh, that was Geoff's shampoo. Note to self, don't use it anymore. Then I'd hear, oops that was Geoff's poptarts, that was Geoff's mountain dew, that was Geoff's bread, that was Geoff's--I remember sitting in the corner of Zeke's thinking, "Wow, how out of whack is this? He owns more of the things in this house than the others put together, and he doesn't pay a thing!"
The list went on. Literally anything I touched ended up being Geoff's no matter where in the house it was, and Geoff would hear about it (or see it), and tell us he didn't appreciate his things being touched and would like it if I didn't do it anymore ever again. Even the community Mountain Dew ended up becoming just Geoff's. I didn't get it, especially from a standpoint that--where I come from anyhow, everything is pretty much community unless it's in your room. And even then, I don't mind sharing much. When I lived with people that didn't have computers of their own, for instance, I'd just let 'em use mine: Tommy, Shanna, Sean, Shaun, Emily, Carlos, James Major, James Erickson, Robert, Richard, my little brother Stephen, Jasmine, and many other guests compose a long list of people that used my computer for months 'til they got their own squared away.
And I never minded (unless they refused to get off when I needed it. Namely Richard).
So, it just didn't make sense to me. But, in general, I'm not a fan of the hoarding mentality anyway. I like to share, and do it for funzies; it's all material shit to me. But, I also didn't go around trying to take everything either--I'd generally ask someone if I could grab something from the 'fridge to eat or some such, and it'd be good. Then, I'd run into it later that it was Geoff's, and I made a colossal blunder. I finally just learned to touch and eat nothing. That quieted the complaints down some, at least! The rest of our time was spent either me reading Eric Bischoff's book, or us watching Kevin Smith's "Evening With" series. Other shows or movies would mix in if we were bored enough. But these were rare events--usually it was us sleeping, drinking, or working.
The only reasons we might NOT have been sleeping is because work was too soon to get decent sleep. I have a philosophy: If you can't get five or more hours of sleep, don't. You won't function nearly as well at work if you only have two hours as you would if you just plow through with no hours. Thus, no sleep pretty much ever. While all of this was going on, as it was mentioned already, I was barely ever at the Monroe apartments. Zeke's place became my home for a month, more or less; I'd check in on the Monroe apartments like twice a week the first two weeks, and then even less the following two. One of these instances had made some very major changes on how things happened from this day forward. It snowballed things.
~While I Was Gone~
At one point, I got a chance to stop back by the house. Zeke had expressed tremendous interest in the PS3 being brought over in the past for us to buy King of Fighters XII and Smackdown vs RAW 2010 for, as well as my other collection of fighting games, since we were into that sorta thing--us two and Randy, that is. So, upon getting there, I pack my PS3 up and my fighting games, and I leave that evening. That night, not too long after I was gone, Jim and Matt and Ridgway had all gone over to Wally and Cheri's to hang out with them and Brian, possibly Mike and Nagel as well--I couldn't be sure. The point is, when Jasmine came home on the very rare times that she decided to do so, she was locked out of the house.
The apartment was intended for two people, and thus there were three keys. Apartment complexes tend to give out as many keys as there are rooms, plus one. When I got there, Jim had a key, Ridgway had a key, and Veronica and Cheryl had a key. Since they were only temporary, and me and Matt were permanent, Jim decided to give me a key and told me that he was going to trust me with it. Shortly thereafter, Matt stole the key off of my wallet. It never made sense why he should have it, to be honest--he was always in the apartment unless he was leaving with Jim and Ridgway--people with keys, and I was the one that was constantly in motion entering and leaving the house whenever I needed to, and more than once did I suffer outside because I didn't have one anymore. I talked to Jim about it, eventually, so he gave me his key instead.
Still, this meant Jasmine never had a key, and here she was calling the room mates to see who she could muster to open the door for her. Ridgway responded to the call, he was gonna turn in early anyhow. So, he came home. With her with the downstairs neighbors--at least one of them anyway, going under the assumed name Adam. I doubt this name only because these are Mexican Thuglettes, and Adam just sounds too basic a name in the first place...but! I could be wrong. It didn't much matter, the point is, I never really trusted anyone from that apartment below us. They'd willingly admitted to selling and doing drugs (and not just pot, I'll add. Meth.) and they seemed extremely opportunist. You live in a ghetto-world long enough, you start to have an idea of who's honest and who's not in that kind of environment.
Adam was not one of those I considered to be honest, and I'd told Jasmine as much.
But anyway, I wasn't here, and Ridgway was. He opens the door and lets her in, and Adam with his two friends come in after. There's conflicting stories, but it boils down to this: Krystal, another person from down there, was not feeling good, and Adam was up there also, and there was beers to be had. Ridgway said he was gonna turn in, so as Adam's two friends are leaving, Ridgway says he'll leave the door unlocked so that when Jasmine goes, she can come back in. ...Big mistake #2. (the first was letting them in to see the stuff in the first place!) The two friends leave, and she leaves with Krystal and Adam down to their apartment. Door's left unlocked, and those friends circle back around and take Matt's Nintendo Wii and Jim's X-Box 360, and a handful of my video games and Ridgway's video games, including Smackdown vs RAW 2009, Guilty Gear XX, Disgea, the Street Fighter Alpha Anthology, and Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus.
Gone. What's worse, that Wii was a gift from Matt's mom, that was then modded-the-fuck-out by Rahan. The ultimate in Nintendo systems, all those saves? Gone.
It was a quick job, because no cords or controllers were taken that weren't immediately accessible. Thankfully, my computer wasn't stolen either. With Ridgway sleeping in his room with the door closed, it prolly wouldn't have been difficult. But most importantly of all? My PS3, which I'd taken with me back to Zeke's mere hours before, and my KoF collection, were safe and sound. In fact, that's why Matt and Jim didn't call the cops right off the bat when they came back home finally at ridiculous in the morning--Matt had seen me packing up the PS3, and naturally assumed I packed up everything else as well and took it somewhere. They went to bed feeling things were safe and sound. That is, until I made a return back to the apartment the next day (downtime from PetSmart, lucky them!)
Ridgway asked me if I'd taken them, and of course I said no. Then as silence settled on us, we realized what had happened. According to Ridgway, Jasmine had a party with friends over last night. This wasn't exactly accurate--sure there were friends and beer, but party? But that's all I knew, that it was a party, and the shady-ass downstairs neighbors were involved in it. So I went with that, and called Jasmine first. No answer to her cellphone, fine, next up was to destroy Adam. I threw on my shoes again, and my coat, pulled my hair into it's ponytail, and prepared to exchange knuckles. I don't think Adam expected me to pound on his door. ...I don't think Adam expected me at all, maybe he thought I moved out. It was an educated guess. Unfortunately, I hadn't, and I was there, and I was mad, and he knew it, and why.
After some questioning, he told me that they were Jasmine's friends, and not his. That she was the one throwing the party and invited him to join them, and then went and suggested it was possible she helped steal the things themselves to sell them. Did I believe that? Not really, but he was scared, and it was worth following up to see if they were Jasmine's friends and not Adam's. After all, I had no descriptions to go by, and Jasmine has a truck-load of druggie friends she barely knows that she rolls around with--Adam and Krystal are just one of them. So, I go back upstairs, and I contact Jim, to update him and hear instructions. After all, the most expensive things stolen were Jim and Matt's, and Jim is the only one on the lease. This is more his problem then anyone else's.
Jim tells me he'll be here, and immediately tells his job that he must take time off for the day to deal with the fact that his house was just robbed. No job's gonna deny you this if they hear a valid reason like that, and certainly wouldn't terminate you, so naturally they let him go (and wouldn't have a choice even if they didn't want to) and he arrived home in no time at all. We scoured the place to see what, if anything, was taken, and found that Jasmine's laptop was also gone. Jasmine never takes her laptop, so it was safe(r) to assume that it also was stolen--after all, a laptop is not difficult to disconnect and run off with like a desktop is. Once we added up all the damage, we called the police, and then Ridgway went to try and talk to Jasmine by calling her at the job.
The thing of it was, Jasmine was busy. Now, like I'd mentioned, you can tell your job "I just got robbed, can you give me a minute?" and they'll more than accommodate--I don't care if they're Nordstrom's or fucking NASA. But Jasmine didn't see it that way, and rather than explain things to her employers, she just told Ridgway--after saying those weren't her friends--that she had to go. Ridgway has the social graces of a Shrew, i.e. it gets worse when frustrated, so that didn't help things any. She hung up on him, and angry, he stormed out to go speak to Adam--in which Jim and Matt followed him. Ridgway went on to explain to them that Jasmine obviously felt it wasn't her problem, which isn't exactly what she said, but I could understand how he felt. All the same, I was too brain-fried and pissed to argue the fine points.
At this time, I was just trying to stay out of the way. James knew I wanted to kick open this kid's door and find the things myself, and asked that I do no such thing--and since it was mostly his stuff and Matt's stuff, they had most say over the happenings; I'd respect that. I blew off steam talking to Chris Harris, until I eventually went down to see what had developed. Jim had to takeover the conversation from Ridgway, more or less because at his meanest, he commanded all the respect of a cub scout in a room full of gangbangers. Adam insisted it wasn't his doing, but had by now claimed he knew the guys and he could try to get them back if he saw them, but for us to absolutely not call the police under any grounds.
I don't think James understood the magnitude of the problem, or that Ridgway intended to follow through calling the police. Adam was a great whiner--he’d get these puppy-dog eyes and be very emotional. He was a good con artist. I was shocked that Jim seemed to be trying to find a way to compromise. Maybe he was overwhelmed by Adam's passion on avoiding the police. He spun these great tales about how he'd get killed for snitching by fellow "gangstas", and so on. But looking back, I think Jim seems to have seen this as the path of least resistance, so he took it. Jim didn’t like confrontation or tough decisions. So, he told Adam that he wouldn't call the cops until 4pm, and wouldn't call them at all if our stuff was returned by then. It was something like, noon, by this point. Then, we went to 7-11.
It was my opinion that waiting until 4pm was ludicrous. OBVIOUSLY, he was behind it. Adam swore he'd nothing to do with it, it was only his buddies, but I mean come on. When I first moved there, Adam offered me an X-Box 360 complete with Guitar Hero, the guitar FOR Guitar Hero, and several games for $200. I didn't play Guitar Hero, and we already had two X-Box 360s (Matt's was at Nagel's thankfully), and it was shady, and I had no money to speak of anyway, so I declined...and then a few weeks before Gyro's started, Adam needed a phone number from the Yellow Pages. I had him wait by the door while I looked it up on the computer, and he scoped a peak at my PS3--and then the rest of the systems, and complimented many times that it was "very nice"...very nice set up, it must have cost a lot, etc etc.
Then, he's just magically enticing Jasmine down to listen to some rap demos. And he's a Goddamn meth-addict druggy. I hate, hate, druggies. All drugs. Hate.
But, James said he gave his word and wouldn't break it. So, wanting some kind of justice for the wrongs laid upon my friends, I turn to Ridgway. I wouldn't have Jim break his honor, but Ridgway made no such call, and he was opportunistic anyway. And he was literally chittering at the bit to call the cops, so he made it so. They came by the time we got back from the 7-11, and Adam was very, very gone. He also had a warrant for his arrest for beating his wife. What a guy. So, the officer showed up, and we explained the things that had been missing: Jim's X-Box 360, Matt's Nintendo Wii, Jasmine's laptop, and several video games belonging to me and Ridgway. We told him the accounts of everything until that point, and he wanted to call Jasmine that instant.
So, Ridgway gave him the info to do so, since he knew Jasmine's work number.
She was not happy. Apparently she was called over the PA that the police wanted to speak to her. Why someone would say that over the PA is beyond me, and doesn't even seem to add up--professional companies and all--but all the same, she was infuriated. She explained those weren't her friends and she had never seen them before, just like Adam originally did before changing his story, but Jasmine's was far more believable. Anyway, it was discovered that Jasmine actually took her laptop, so all of our concerns for her stuff's safety weren't really required, and (as she's said it) we were wasting her time. As ol' Jimi Hendrix once said, "I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time...I'll give it back to ya, one'a these days."
With that done, and the police done talking to me, I finally went with Zeke and left. I suppose I could have stayed rather than going to work that day, helped sort it out, but like I said...most of the stuff that was taken was Matt and Jim's, and the people on the lease were Ridgway and Jim, and the people present for the robbery that lived there were Ridgway and Jasmine. That means everyone was involved but Walker, aside from a few video games...and those are easily hidden and gotten rid of, so I was shit out of luck. Me, Zeke, and Chris (Harris) all said to check the local pawn shops and Gamestops to see if they've been sold as our parting advice (something else they didn't think of, something else you learn living on the streets), but no one kept the model numbers or any of that info. Aw well.
~Jasmine Is Out~
There's a coined two phrases that's circling around our friends here and in Florida (and any friends in between) called "Done Like Chris-Done" and "Done Like Jasmine Done". The first was created when Chris Merritt was having his relationship issues with Lauren. He'd say they broke up, and that he was done--for real done, and then they'd be hanging out together again, back together again, working things out again, then they were breaking up again, and he was done again. "Chris-Done" meant you quit for now because you were emotionally fed up, but you'd come back to it later. Later down, when Jasmine decided she was done with everything (she called them the "fuck its"), she didn't come back. She'd just give up because it was too much, and no matter how worth it, she didn't believe in herself enough to muster the courage.
Same thing as "Chris-Done", only "Jasmine-Done" meant there was no coming back later.
Well, it would seem things in the house were heading to "Jasmine-Done" at about a thousand miles an hour. I'd seen this kind of momentum before, the first time Jasmine flipped out because things got too much and exploded on James and James exploded right back. Matt saw my face when it started to happen--it was like a train wreck going out of control in slow motion: you can't stop it, you can't even hope to stop it, it's too much, BUT...it's slow, and it's going to suck. A lot. Last time, I spent days pulling every charismatic maneuver that communication-classes taught me alongside ol' Dustin Welton to manipulate the setting back into a friendly one; I literally spent a day talking to everyone, setting up a huge family meeting, and making everyone's (very true) concerns get fleshed out and in the open.
Articulating degrees of concern without being hostile and reconstructing things takes a certain kind of negotiation. That's why you need a negotiator. That's what I do.
This time around, however, I wasn't there for that, and the train-wreck was personified by Ridgway. I'm not saying he's a heartless bastard, but he certainly didn't seem to like Jasmine, and Jasmine certainly didn't seem to like him back. Ridgway saw an opportunity to finally get Jasmine out of the picture, and in his mind possibly a very legitimate one, and jumped on the opportunity. He'd say things to Jim like, "she refused to cooperate on the phone" even though that's not entirely it--she just believed she couldn't do it at that moment, and he wouldn't let her go, so she finally hung up on him. When she eventually called back, Ridgway would say she never said she was sorry, and he said that she said she wasn't responsible for any of this whatsoever--and that wasn't entirely it, either.
Which would be just silly to say, 'cuz those people (Adam and friends) wouldn't have even come up there if it wasn't for Jasmine being there, and she was the last to leave. Responsibility in all things. Not to say she meant to do it, far from the truth, but if I'd unintentionally gotten my friend's stuff stolen, I'd not only feel really awful about it, and feel very much responsible, but I'd be offering to help pay it back when I could. Anyway, I'm not saying that Ridgway is purposefully misquoting either--he may have seen it like that, and concluded it wrongly, there've always been a lack of communication with these room mates--it's why I had to do what I did to resolve everything last time, because people wouldn't say everything, or they'd just assume the other knew and get upset that the person didn't act on it.
What I AM saying is, rather than letting it slide, he told it to Jim, and multiple times, and earnestly. He wanted Jasmine gone. Now, I wasn't here so I can't say for positive, but what I've concluded happened is that Jim, not having enough to really solidify what Jasmine actually is saying and also not feeling that his things are yet safe, wanted to sit down with Jasmine and clear absolutely everything out before continuing on. I talked to him some on it, and in his mind, this place is his--James and Ridgway are on the lease, no one else. That means Jim and Ridgway's concerns tend to be what is legally important, and you just don't invite people into the apartment that isn't exactly yours was his understanding. The stories conflicted, and he wanted them to be cleared up, so he told Jasmine that, until everyone's got a chance to sit down and talk it through, she needs to stay somewhere else.
Now, when I heard about this the next day from Jasmine while I was at Zeke's house, I felt that I don't think he would have offered this if he didn't expect her to do it anyway. As much as I was disappointed in James for not standing up for Jasmine earlier, I still trusted him, and do to this day. He's an honest person--sometimes painfully so. There may be a lot of political DNA in James, but I don't think there's a dishonest bone in his body. Jasmine had barely been at the apartments, maybe as much as I'd been. She'd be out partying and living it up in other people's houses, not ours, such as the many times she'd go and stay at Katie Headley's (not to be confused with our own Katie Atkisson).
It seemed to me when there was pressure on her, I think she’d get so frustrated with things that she couldn't function. Then she'd throw up her hands and go party for a week or two at a time. At least it seemed that way to me. She had the emotional constitution of an eggshell in my opinion. But once again, poor communication--and it's not the kind of poor communication where things are said wrong. It's that whatever's been said is assumed to mean something else. In this case, Jasmine took this to mean that James was kicking her out of the house. Now, Jasmine has assumed things many times in the past. Why? I don't know. We all know how to spell Assume.
You can't know the reasons for why someone's doing something. You can deduce, you can hypothetical, sure--but even then, nothing is in concrete, and nothing is for-sure until it is verified. If someone says "Man, I'm hungry." and someone else assumes, "Walker wants money from me so he can buy food", that's wrong. All I said was that I'm hungry. No hidden message, no asterisk, no double-meanings, and no additions...for fuck's sake! There MIGHT be something more to it, but it's not what you think it is, and you should ask...assuming there's anything there at all. Real men speak their minds, point blank, typically. But again, I wasn't there to clear this kind of thing up like I usually do. So, she packs up her game--everything she owns--and she leaves. Forever.
Talk about your shit storms.
James seemed to be ok with that, because none of his concerns were answered. To him, her taking off when there needed to be a talk was her basically telling him either that what Ridgway said was true and she had no way to fight it, or that even if it wasn't true it wasn't worth fighting to keep Jim's friendship. It was over by the time I heard about it, and just as well because I didn't have the energy to do another of what I did. My brain was so fried by now, I was barely on auto-pilot. Now that I'm back and better, I realize I would have done things differently. See, not to be all Disney here, but in my opinion, "Ohana means family." Your people are your people, and you work it out. I wouldn't have kicked her out for one night, I'd'a had words about it then and there. I didn't agree.
People living with you working against you and only for themselves--hoarding, selfish assholes--aren't your people, they've made that clear, but Jasmine hadn't been that.
But it was over, she was content to be in Tracey, moved in with a guy named Josh, and in all honesty things quieted quite a bit when I got back to the Monroe apartments since I originally left--a big difference in November 1 from October 1. But there was also a level of disorientation. For the first time since I moved here, I wasn't hanging out with Jasmine fifteen or sixteen hours a day. After having this relationship occupy my mind even when I wasn't with her--or even awake, for that matter, because I used to dream about her--it was suddenly gone. It was like a chemical imbalance in my brain. I kept wanting to pick up the phone and tell her that I'd be there, and tell her that I really cared. I wanted to ask if we could turn back the clock and just forget whatever put us in this mess, but there was nothing to turn back.
~There's A Light At The End Of The Tunnel!~
~but there's a pit half-way there.~
With that, things were pretty much over in terms of whatever momentum I ran on left. Every ending leads to new complications. We finished out Gyro's, as we were at the end of the run when this happened anyway, and I returned to the Monroe apartments. It was empty, and I had this feeling that I'd completely lost my footing when it came to Jasmine. That's not to say I was not still trying to get back with her, just that when she was living with us, I felt there was a chance. We were still going to be sharing the same room, and maybe things would calm down enough in life that it'd get back on track. Now, it didn't seem as doable, and my brain was so absolutely fried I was literally beyond the drinking-tar stage and clearly into the two like-poles being repelled against each other. My brain would absolutely not compute things that weren't already in memory, and already instinct.
That's not to say we never heard from Jasmine again. I'd get very infrequent updates here and there. She messed up her back really bad at her job (which she managed to keep despite her now living in Tracey--what a commute, and she thought the bus was bad!), she was having constant issues with her mother concerning probably everything under the sun (including the mom taking away her car at some point), we hung out for precisely one day when we went up to some mountains to see her favorite spot in the universe (that was a day full of mixed signals), which was supposed to be spent taking her to the doctor's that she decided to blow off for the fun instead, her getting a paycheck of over $1,000 from our house courtesy of the government paying for her schooling (that her mom was doing her homework for), and of course the most recent and startling of her news, her room mate Josh shooting himself.
~Dead Room-Mates.~
This year was apparently a big year for dead room-mates among my friends. Scott's room mate had taken a gun to his head in the shower only a few months ago, leaving it for Scott to find, and deal with. Alex's room mate also ended up dead, and I was jackass enough to step in it by joking around about why he wasn't there that night at the Gyro's doing his job (Alex tended to not come in sometimes. I was just kidding. Then...the reality of it, and oops.) He knew I was joking and there were no hard feelings, but...then you have this Josh guy that Jasmine was living with, and he also shoots himself. And Jasmine gets to be the one to find it. It is just apparently a bad year for room-mates. I felt for the people that lost their friends and companions--I remember how I felt, and still feel, about Sterling's own death--but I couldn't do anything much to fix it. Useless again.
I'm no stranger to dead friends, or dead room mates, or being around suicidal people. Hell, I used to be that suicidal person, and nothing short of Zak and Rahan was able to save me from that. But, due to Rahan and Zak, I can't actually feel as sorry for the guy that did himself in any, either. I mean, I do feel bad that he suffered so tremendously as to want to end his own life, sure, but...willingly killing yourself is messy business, especially with a gun, and it goes to show the degree of your selfishness and willpower. And I don't mean the unfortunate cleaning bills of the many, many questions you've loaded your friends up with the cops, either, or the family that's gotta pay your outstanding debts now that you've left this plane of existence.
Are you saying there's no one else out there to care about enough to keep on going? Sure, your life is shit, but do you honestly want to make these other people feel horrible about your death too?? No. Of course not. You didn't think about that, you jus--exactly. Selfish. You could be there for someone else, right now, that needs you--but where will you be? Dead. You say, "I can't think of a situation where I'd be useful so"...but, you never do think of that situation. You never know when something will come up that you could help with, Hell you could inadvertently cure cancer right? Only, now you won't, 'cuz you're not there to do it. Life won't always be horrible if you do what you can to get out of it...and even if it is? At least you fought your hardest for it, and for your friends, instead of letting Life win--'cuz it did. It wanted you to give up, and you obliged, and it now laughs.
I don't mean to go off on a rant, but shit like that really pisses me off. I saw through her MySpace and Facebook status-feeds that Jasmine had all these nightmares, and that things were horrible for her 'cuz she saw his (non-existent) face, all that blood...and she was just miserable, and I was pissed at the guy for putting her--and many other like her--through that. It's a time like this you realize how much you care about someone. That was about two weeks ago. She was suffering, so I suffered. That is until a very particular news woke us up, through her Facebook feed of "Jasmine Courtney is going to be ok. i am in love" followed by a whole fruitbowl of new photos of the Prince Charming posted to the MySpace feed to go with it.
~New Boyfriend? Or... ~
As of a few days ago, I saw that status update along with Matt Darnell, and just kinda...blinked. Shock doesn't begin to cover what I felt.
Jasmine Courtney is in a relationship with Larry Babli, it said.
I didn't have to investigate that, or ask anyone. There was enough "I love you, baby" and fun, excited, lovey-dovey crap all over their pages to clearly see it wasn't a hoax, or some hacker. I thought to myself, "The way it's performed, this had been a long-time coming, and well within the motion. Something like this didn't happen overnight." So why the "I love yous"? The hand-holdings? I wondered, was this in the mix when we were together, was that why things never got as official as this, all published on Facebook? I don’t know for sure what happened here--I don't like to assume, but I felt like I was possibly played, and I investigated. I couldn't confirm anything, 'cuz she also, out of nowhere, removed me as a friend on Facebook, and that's not the only boy she did it to--I'm guessing for the same reasons, which only she would know.
Here’s what I think happened:
It’s only my impression, but I think probably not. But asking around brought me across Justin Strout and her ex Tony, and I realized maybe not with Larry, but with others. I start adding shit together. At best, I was merely on a list of possibilities, and that's what she probably meant when she said, "Even if I did want to be in a relationship, I wouldn't know who to be with!" when she broke up with me. It wasn't a "I'm not sure I love you", it was a "I'm not sure I JUST love you". At worst, those were very explored possibilities. From what I read, this was true. Ow. It's shady at best, and if she wants to end things on such a low note, that's her problem. She IMed me just last night, telling me she didn't remove me and I was still her friend--but I could clearly see that wasn't the case. We didn't get to talk long, and I figure I'll figure it all out down the line.
~I Was Stale?~
Is it possible that I'd become stale? Sure. Did it matter that that I had her back, through all the confusion, through all the abuse she got from her mom, that I cared no matter what anyone said? Gave faithfulness and honesty? Evidently not. I felt kind of burned, 'cuz I was willing to do so much for her--but maybe that was part of the problem. Super-supportive boyfriend might'a just been too boring. Or maybe I was just a pastime, something to latch onto during her tenor at the Monroe apartments...once you got a car in the works, all those doors open up right? By now, enough time had gone by that indifference took over...she wants it this way? Well, fine. I did what I could, and I gave it all. I could get mad--very easily, but what would that do? She even went so far as to tell people, there never was a relationship. Right. Better to go with the guy ten years older than you.
I figured, chivalry might just be dead. Not dead as in no longer practiced, but dead as in no longer a factor: a man is measured by the cars, clothing lines, ice links, money, and minks he's got available to him, not the way that he thinks. Always being there for her, and throwing tremendous amounts of energy into doing anything I could for her--which admittedly was a lot of contacts and legwork only, but still, everything--didn't really add up. It's not thrill-by-the-second, it's not partying or kinky, it's not an asshole treating his chicks like shit a la Edward from Twilight. Fact of the matter is, it's been a terrible year for relationships on Team Walker too; Jeff, Matt Townley, Chris138, Sarah Bronson, and Sarah Cowles make up just a few of the names suffering from the bad endings. My bitching about it certainly won't help them through, and there's too much to be done in this world for me to hang up on this one.
Something always goes wrong whenever I try to have a relationship, it's not to be pitied, it's simply fact. What's important now is that I help change this world for the better, helping others.
~The Sun Is Coming Back Up.~
~Moving to Sunnyvale~
While it'd been in the making for a while there, the ability to get a new place was always a bit uncertain, financially. We went from me and Matt moving in with Jim and Ridgway in a four-bedroom house, to it just being me, Matt, and Jim since Ridgway wasn't paying his dues (according to Jim) in a three-bedroom apartment, to then going to move with Matt, Jim, Jasmine, and I into a three-bedroom, to then Ridgway coming back into the fold to move in with me, Jim, Jasmine, Matt, and Ridgway into a four-bedroom, to then Jasmine leaving and--with her leaving--no financial power to consider a four-bedroom again at this point. Not to mention how many of these houses/apartments we blew through looking for in the process. It was a mess.
The worst of it was, that half-a-year in Florida was completely unnecessary. We could'a lived in Monroe apartments as long as we stayed there already, and been ready to go by the time the lease was through. ...Oh well.
Anyway, as it stood, we needed a new place. Especially with the crime. The idea was to then take over Wally and Cheri's place, since they were moving out of it! It wasn't the most ideal of places to live, trailer homes and all, but they were very nice trailer homes considering what they were, three bedrooms, and down Henderson Avenue which...is a street I avoided for years during my times getting over Abby haha, but it's really not a bad street. It's within walking distance of the PetSmart job, and while there's no 7-11 down the street, the Henderson corner store is nearly good enough. Carl's Jr. is also there, but as far as fast food goes, it's extremely expensive. The move down the street also puts me squarely back in Sunnyvale, and I've always liked it better than Santa Clara or San José anyhow.
But we didn't move into Wally and Cheri's old place.
Turns out, upon looking at the place and if it could be done, they offered Jim what they considered a slightly bigger one, fresh off the market, and Jim took it. I didn't care, so long as we got out of the Monroe spot. Unit #38 was the one we eventually got, although I didn't see it for a very long time. By the time I got out of Gyro's, negotiations were done, and now they were waiting for a deposit--just in time for that Gyro's check. I ended up putting down $800 total that month, which is a good amount; when you start at an apartment, you start with first month's rent, and deposit. $400 would have been in my first-months rent with this place, and $400 went into deposit. Not bad. When I got back, Matt and Jim moved out of the apartment to the new place. With Ridgway barely there, and Jasmine long gone, it was just...quiet.
Oh, and there was absolutely no food. Not like Matt who won't eat certain things because he's somehow managed to be picky in this high-and-dry times, but no, literally, nothing. Not ramen. Not...well, I guess cockroaches? And whatever I got hanging out with Jamie! Which, again, a big thank you to her. ...But we'll get to those down the line. For now, the new place! Things had come to an unfortunate end at the Monroe apartments, and in the end, I suppose we can be thankful that they did. Even still, it was a big chapter in the story of our return to California (or my return, Matt's first time), and it marked the end of the book that would be the Monroe apartments in the first place.
~The Move~
We started the move a few days before the first. By now, I'd gotten a look at the new place. It was...ok. Not great, but for six months? It was better than where we were, by lots. The kitchen was huge compared to our previous places, but it went and took away from the rest of the house; small living room, small hallway. The main bedroom was enormous, but this had the same effect with the other bedrooms in that it's size made them small in the grand design. All the same, I got my own room, and that's more space than I'd been allotted since I left the Troyer's...I wasn't gonna complain. The most daunting thing of all was the move itself. It loomed over our heads for days up until this point. Most really didn't want to do it. Thankfully, we had help offered!
It was in our mind that we split up teams. See, due to the bed bugs and cockroaches, we couldn't move over all our stuff immediately. We had to check it all first, steam clean it, and basically eradicate anything remotely related to our insect nemesis. Wally and Brian offered to get a truck and share that truck with us, but we warned them we can't just swing by and get the things...we have to prepare them. Steam them, repackage them, and without letting them hit floor again, take them into the truck and get them over. We'd put off a lot of packing days for this day, but for some reason, no one liked the two-teams idea; basically the first team would go and get the stuff ready while the second team moved Wally and Cheri's place, and then we'd swing by and finish up.
Instead, they wanted us to help them move first. And then they'd help us move after. Sounds like a fair exchange, right? So, we went to it. Me? I worked PetSmart all morning, an eight hour shift moving heavy shit everywhere. And I don't sleep before my shifts, I sleep after my shifts, so I was absolutely exhausted getting off of work, and injured to boot, and yet I still went in through with the plan. It was Wally, Brian, Jim, Matt, and myself. ...And Brian's new girlfriend Nikki, but she wasn't there to help so much as watch. We moved Brian's stuff, and we moved Wally's stuff, and eventually Ridgway dropped by for an hour to help out even after. And we worked long, and hard, to get that stuff into the truck, and even longer getting it out.
See, the thing about Wally's new place is that it's on the third story of a refurbished hotel; it's been converted into an apartment complex, and wouldn't you know, Wally lives on that third floor. This means elevator or stairs are our means of travel, and in our case, both. And there is nothing that Wally owns that is light except maybe a desk, and even then I think that was Brian's. Not that I minded! I love my friends, and I love helping them, but I felt a little useless because I was worn the fuck out walking into this mess. Brian got cheesed at me for being slow or unresponsive to spoken word, but I gotta say, I didn't mean to. I was strictly just very, very done. What was worse? As soon as we arrived at the new place, Nikki (Brian's GF) took Jim to go get her washer and drier "real fast". He never came back.
However, we were in for a tremendous surprise. Remember Randy, my friend and co-worker at Gyro's? Well, turns out, he lives literally a door away from Wally's. Neighbors. Such a large city, and such a small world, there he is. I was sitting there guarding the door to Wally's place that was left wide open, and I see this hooded fellow come in through the door. He starts walking down obviously, and then...starts to slow...in that way where his head tilts, and you can tell he's considering you. Like he knows you. Like he knows me! What a small world! Not only did the guy give us a hearty hello and greet Wally and Brian in their moving in, offering any help they may need in the future, he helped us move the rest of their things. It was tremendous.
~Gliding Like A Brick~ hours</i>
When we were done with Wally's place, it was time to do our own...we'd spent hours on the job, and we were very done in, but we were optimistic--our friends were going to come with us. Not Randy, mind! But he never made a deal in the first place, so we waved a goodbye, but we were excited to be working with Wally and Brian on getting this shit done, and Jim to meet us there. Only...that's not how it worked. When we got there, Brian thought he might need a lamp for his bedroom, so he went back to his old place to get one with Wally...and they never returned. It was just me, extremely fucking spent, and Matt who was extremely fucking crippled, staring up at our apartment and realizing we were going to be the only ones in it riding this round to it's completion.
Matt was beyond pissed. I hadn't seen him that mad since Troyer wrote me up.
We worked very hard. Every single piece of furniture was moved from upstairs to that truck after being thoroughly wiped down with bleach or steam-cleaned. Sometimes both, if the situation called for it. Every piece of furniture except Ridgway's, which..he wasn't here at all, and we had no idea what to do with his stuff. 'Sides, me and Jim made a pact years ago to never move a Captain's Bed again! So everything was stuffed to that truck, and we were beyond spent. Hell, I was beyond spent before I even got there on my limited sleep and full-time stocking with injuries. But, fuck it, had to continue--and by now, Jim had finally arrived...but we needed to get the show on the road.
Thankfully...Wally remembered us! And sure enough, he busted his ass to help us unload that truck. I stayed in it, pulling things to the truck's edge, but for once in a long while, I actually felt pretty useless. Unfortunately, I had no idea how bad it would actually get--the shit storm wasn't over. We still had to do all those boxes, including the ones in the closet that didn't belong to anyone that lived there--from room mates long past. ...This was something along the lines of eight people's worth of possessions. The four of us, plus the two room mates of the past stored in that closet, plus a mixture of all the girl's stuff they'd left behind (Vi, Cheryl, Jasmine). We didn't get to it 'cuz we were tired, but after limited sleep and another day of full-time job...we were at it again, Round Two.
~"You Stay 'Til The Job's Done!"~
The next day was me working 'til 1pm or so, which I was then retrieved from my work by Jim to the house. They'd gone and messed with my things in the Living Room even when I said not to, and consequently threw away some of my things (this is why I told them not to!), but that aside, things were just starting, and underway. Andrew Nagel and Chris Steinwinder were there, and I think Wally showed up too during this afternoon-cinema, and it was all a lot of re-packing, throwing out what we didn't want, and selecting what we did, handing the boxes over to Ridgway and Nagel, and they'd take it down to Chris to be taken away. Sometimes, Ridgway would even come back. Nagel, on the other hand, stayed the whole way through 'til he decided we were probably not going to get it done that night, and left for a dinner with a girl.
But we weren't done, and I wasn't going to be done. The remnants of Ridgway's furniture gone, Chris Steinwinder also went home, and so did Wally, and Ridgway wasn't seeming like he was going to back. I remember Jim suggesting we just stop and give up, and I was fucking livid. I went into Pikey and instructed, "WE STAY 'TIL THE JOB'S DONE!" and, with that inspiration in us, we didn't dare cease. We boxed up fucking everything that was of use, and threw away tons of shit that simply wasn't. Variously, bits of (much appreciated!!) help would show up in the forms of Ridgway, Mike Kempton (AKA the good Mike), and Mr. Chandler Cord--a very cool dude from Jim's workplace. We all shot the shit while packing up old room mate's things from the closet (such as Thomas Bush's stuff--do you remember that fat bastard??), but ultimately they, too, needed to leave.
The only cats strictly with it the whole way through so far had been me, Jim, and Matt--and even Jim had his time kidnapped by Nikki. But we fucking pressed on.
~Wally Comes Through!~
One of the most prominent things in this was Wally. We got help from Chris, Nagel, Chandler, and Mike--I'm not denying that. But I thought in this event, the real tremendous source was Wally. He really went out of his way that last second when we needed him--we were on our "E" tank, and while he'd showed up to help last night and earlier this day, he did it again. Despite Brian, who never once showed up and had the kindness to say "I'm giving away your grill I was going to give you as a gift if you don't pick it up tonight" even though we couldn't 'cuz we were packing up (after helping him, and he wasn't here to help us! AND he gave it away before the night was over anyway!!), Wally was there 100%. He worked, and he over-worked, and he thought he still owed us. I thought he was out of his mind, but it's all perspective I guess. I know he got flack for it, but thanks again Wally. And everyone else, at that.
Finally, at ridiculous in the morning, we were more or less done. We didn't get done everything we wanted, mind--there was still lots of shit we didn't want discarded all around the house. There was still vacuuming, the cleaning itself to be done, but the packing? It was through. We'd packed and moved it all but the shit we didn't want, and a few remnants of Jim's room like a box here, and a battery generator there. Matt was definitely shot by now, so Ridgway took him home, and me and Jim--standing in the center of the mass--took one final look around, and then decided we needed a drink. James had recently come across a brewery for hard liquors that he appreciated and visited enough, and so he had with him a bottle of Hanger One Straight Vodka and St. George Single Malt Whiskey.
He gave me the whiskey, and we drank, and we reflected.
See, me and James had been on-and-off again room mates since 2002. The things we found backed up in that closet were things we saw in our day to day lives years ago, some of them even our own. We'd realized we'd come this long way, this tremendous friendship of ours, and though we had our rocky roads...they were brought about by outside people looking to rock the boat. The point is, we'd survived it all--the hardest times in my life were shared by James, and it was often me and James alone keeping a place afloat. We faced down poverty the likes of which made the poverty we faced getting back here from Florida look like child's play, and we walked home in the worst of storms, and we dodged the greatest of law suits, and weathered the worst of break-ups on our shoulders. ...We'd done it all, and this was one more notch of victory. We were damned pleased with ourselves.
Krystal, the downstairs neighbor, broke up this event by asking where Jasmine was, and Jim saw fit to give her our third bottle--the white brandy. I didn't approve, but hey, she left. And we decided, before it all gets interrupted again, we better leave.
After all, there was tomorrow. Jim had his first day of work, and we all volunteered to come back to do that cleaning--me, Matt, and Ridgway.
~The Cockroach Massacre of 2009~
Round Three. The final showdown with the Monroe apartments starred no one but me and Ridgway. Matt was too done in, and while I was absolutely sore to the limit by now, I can push through usually--and I did. It was up to me and Ridgway now, and no lie, he earned his manliness that day. We went back, and we spent the day cleaning the shit out of that apartment. While everything but a few (very heavy) things were taken that needed to be taken (these few things fit in his car), the place was far from over. There were piles, and piles, of trash and things to throw. Hundreds of little things, hundreds of large, large things. Many, many boxes, stuffed to the brim, with things. We worked muscles 'til they couldn't stands no more, scrubbed every corner, and pretty much kicked fucking ass.
One of the most satisfying events was The Cockroach Massacre of 2009. Basically, we moved the 'fridge to clean under it, and we found their...their base of operations? No, that seems too..small. Their congregation? Their country. There were thousands. It was ludicrous. I got the squirt-bleach, and the toilet-cleaner bleach, and with a Southern zeal that could only be described Yosemite-Sam, I proceeded to aniggalate them. I exploded every thing there was with bleach, dumping, spraying, crushing, it didn't stop. Then we'd move the 'fridge to a whole different spot, and there were just as many then too. ROUND TWO, I'd scream, and a "YEEEEHAW!!"...it was a stomping party with bleach. I think Ridgway might'a been terrified, but I was having the time of my life. It was revenge, pure and simple. There was a linoleum matt made of the same stuff the kitchen floor cut out and put under the 'fridge, presumably to keep it from scratching the surface...
When that was removed, I soaked it with bleach, 'cuz that's where they were most.
By the time I was done, there was probably a funnel-cloud of roach-souls exploding out of the walls of the apartment. It was great. And what's better? We cleaned that fucking place as spotless as it ever could be. Only one, final, challenge remained...it was easily the most difficult thing about this whole ordeal, and it was also the most satisfying of them all. Walker and Ridgway vs. The Couch! With a brief interruption by the apartment manager Tim (which it's funny, 'cuz the worst and best managers I've ever had were both named Tim...and this Tim wasn't the best.), we set to work on that couch, not at all prepared for what we had before us. To be frank, we were pretty done. I was extra done.
After all, we'd filled up three dumpsters worth of trash by the time this was done.
The couch wasn't a light beast. Maybe not the heaviest couch I've ever lifted--that'd be Patricia's one made of steel and hate back at the Townhouse--but it was not too far off. It was cheap, and everyone hated it, and we had no intention of keeping it. My only question was, how the fuck did it get *IN* here?? It was huge! And it didn't fit through that door. No, we tried. Every angle. Multiple times. Holding it in the air for hours, pushing for hours, shoving for hours, every possible way. It was always close, but never, ever, close enough. I was furious, absolutely enraged, and I was looking around--I thought, "If I could only smash it!" and I was thinking a hammer or something, thinking out loud. Ridgway looked like he wanted to give up, but I was too angry to. Then...suddenly. An idea.
My combat boots are steel toed. They're old, so they're God-awful terrible shoes--three years old, and I'm extremely hard on my shoes. But, the steel toes? Good as they've ever been. I slipped off my shoe, reared back, and began to smash it against the legs of the couch. The legs were made of plastic that were sealed into the couch, and screwed in with massive screws just in case. We had no other object to swing, no screwdriver to use, it was this and brute force or nothing--and fuck it if I wasn't angry enough. Ridgway stepped away, and watch me break thick, extremely hearty and durable plastics with a few clean smashes of the boot. Half of them were gone, and we then started for the door...no go. Then Ridgway and I had the idea to throw it out the fucking window, like we promised to do to Nagel and Peter's things in the past.
We had Adam move his fucking car (how he's not arrested yet is beyond me), and dragged it across the house, spent 15 minutes struggling to get it through Ridgway's door with every ounce of our might. In this process, I grabbed the end of the plastic that wouldn't break--the leg that refused to break by steel-toed hammer-boot!--and wrenched it completely off like a man's neck, twisting it around with a thunderous set of very satisfying snaps, and hurled it across the room. It fit. But not through the fucking window. What a fucking let down. I was running out of everything. I was mad. Ridgway wanted to try the door again now that I ripped a third off, figuring if I ripped the fourth off? We might have a shot...he might be right. We went to try, but the huge unforgiving cushions wouldn't give.
...Pulling it back to rest again, we heard jingles. I remembered it had my money.
I wanted to gut it, but I had no knife. Curse me, I didn't even bring my box cutter! If only I had something to cut with, if only!...wait. Another idea. I spied the legs with the screws poking out of the bottom of them, broken on the floor about the room. I picked one up, and using the screw, I slowly cut it all.
When Ridgway cut on, we proceeded to not only gut the couch's tummy and rip into it's back, we cut everything. Literally, every cushion, every ounce of thing in our way, we rended. We then broke it. We broke the shit out of this couch, no man would ever use it again, through rage and Ridgway's weight, it was finally done. I got a LOT of change from it, and we pushed it back to the door in it's skeletal, broken husk...still wouldn't fit, so fucking close. Finally, I said, I was gonna kick it. Ridgway fled down the stairs, and I eased back, and proceeded to give it the Hulk Hogan Big Boot with a charge. It erupted out of the door-frame and down the stairs. We had finally conquered the self-serving Demonic entity that was this couch, and we proceeded to haul it off to another dumpster. Fuck that fucking thing, and fuck anyone that complains about it being in their trash on Monroe Street.
~Aftermath.~
Jim came by shortly thereafter. All that was left was the vacuuming. One look at us, and he insisted he cover it. It took a while, but he did it. Then, we left. On the way home, Jim noted I'd been the only one there all day, every day, through all of it, like he was weirded out I'd do it. I reminded him he should know me by now--just like everyone from Rahan to Fax knows, I help people because that's what I do, and friends are even more to that. Sure, my things were pretty easily done. Sure 98.6% of what I did was every one else's problem, but that's not the point. We're a fucking team, and like I'd said several times before, teams need to fucking stick together. He dug it, and we went back to reminiscence of our long and checkered history 'til we got back...home.
You know, it's still interesting to call this place that. Home's still kinda the Monroe house for me, my aura hasn't settled into this new spot exactly yet. That's not to say I would prefer it there--fuck no. But, it's also not to say I won't miss the place. The single, most greatest moment in my life happened right there in 2129 Monroe Street. Because right there in that Apartment #3, I realized so much that it put me on a great path. Words cannot describe...words cannot describe how it felt to stand there, and look at that place, for one last time. I'm not ashamed to say it, I'm going to miss that place...it's the worst place we've ever lived, but a lot happened there. And just as quickly, we were gone to the next place, and I have a feeling it won't have the same impact on our lives. We'll see. For now? Time to move on. Finally, we were in December.
Getting On With Life,
Walker Pennington.
Thanks: I want to thank the people that helped us make that move. Wally, Randy, Mike, Chandler, Nagel, Chris--you were all tremendous. I'd like to thank my co-workers at Gyro's and PetSmart for being so tremendous and helpful in my life, and I'd like to thank the many that helped me get through my personal-life problems like The BSG (Chris, #2, Mitch, Zeke, Bender, Jacob, Kurtis...), Jesse, Hannah, Jamie, Derek, Sloan, Scott, Anna, Raph, both Sarahs...and finally:
Special Thanks: I'd like to say special thanks to Chris Steinwinder. Many people were there for me, but this dude went tremendously out of his way for me. He saw how absolutely horrid I looked when I heard the various bad newses with Jasmine (all three), and through many of my other hardships surrounding them, and he went completely balls-to-the-wall out of his way to see it undone and me restored. He kept me sane, when that was all but up. Thank you so much.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: Kane - Rattlesnake Smile
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12:00 am - ~Shit Storms.~
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Alright, I promised everyone details on the last month or so. I know the last time we touched on any subject of real update was about a month ago (minus recording our incident in Sacramento), and even then it wasn't very detailed-oriented. I worried about upsetting people, tipping the scale the wrong way in some people's eyes, and then I realized...while I was biding my time, it's not very me-ish to keep things that level of bottled up. Like ol' Freddie D said, "You can't have something to say if you're always saying something. Right about now, I think I've been quiet long enough. So I'm gonna say something sayable! I'm a say something once! And I ain't never gonna repeat it again because this is how I'm feeling!"
So, to those that might take it to the chin, this is just how I feel. I've pretty much always called things the way I see it, and I'm not very subtle. We'll just walk down different points in this month, and see if we can clear up the noise.
~Unraveling~
The whole month things went on, keep in mind I wasn't doing so hot. Things had just gone from bad to worse, and there'd be a moment of hope before that was taken away along with something else next to it. Things got progressively worse, too; not only was I working very nearly 24/7 (I got maybe 12 hours of sleep a week), but things in my life weren't looking any kind of good either. My friend Sean (Walker #2) had been diagnosed with some unknown cancer, my professional life was looking like a roller coaster ride of sleep depravity, and my love life had sunk to the bottom of the ocean, under pressure and all. And that was just the *beginning* of the month. I wouldn't say I was suicidal, but I had them tendencies.
As if life was, quite frankly, not worth going through any more.
I've lost enough in my life, and maybe been in situations even worse than this, but it's the sheer volume of the problems--the several different ones almost as bad, if not just as bad, as older worst ones all at once--that really began to bring me down. The top of that list was, as everyone knows, the girl I'd been seeing previous to a little before the October month began. While she wasn't around much after her initial fallout with, well, Life, her impact on my life didn't pull any punches. I want to be careful what I say here, because while I don't want to not talk about the situation, I also don't want to take cheap shots at
Jasmine, or even give people the impression that I am.
Everywhere I went when it came to down time, there was a memory to be reviewed. You'd think, now I'm out of the apartment that I'd spent a tremendous amount of time with her, but I wasn't always gone from it originally, and Zeke's place isn't exactly any better. I ended up more or less living there during my run at Gyro's, since it was right there and made commuting easier on every. But..plenty of memories existed with her there, too. Thankfully, I didn't tell anyone about any of this, and I didn't let it affect my outside world--it just caged in my mind, where things would replay over and over, and pretty much drive me to a severe depression. My friend Aaron once compared this sensation to tar. He said:
"My thoughts and vision are so clouded right now that it's as if I'm drowning in a lake of molten tar. I can't even see my hands in front of my face. And I'm getting to the point that I can't take it anymore."
And that is exactly right. I couldn't even *begin* to say it better, myself. I was drowning in a lake of tar. But I thought, there was no way I was going to let this relationship fall apart. It was the most asinine, absurd decision that she had made so far. I knew I either had to fight or walk away. I almost walked away. I should have. I went to Zeke's after it was said and done and drank myself under a table over it, deciding I could do nothing. Ultimately, I changed my mind. To this day, that is probably my single biggest regret. At that moment, things were so fresh that I might have been able to fight the fight. By walking away, I would have let things smooth over so much that it might have caused her to reconsider at a later point.
But that's not my nature. My nature is to fight--"I'd rather fight than have sex, on any given day." I prolly didn't make things easy for her, in this respect, but I was way nicer about it then most. The more I tried, the farther I seemed to push things. My morale went into the toilet. I don't think anyone noticed but Jim and Zeke though, and possibly Brian, who are the only cats that have known me long enough to know me that well--to know the subtle nuances that show I am clearly way off my usual. As time went on, it became clear to anyone who knew me *that* well that emotionally I'd thrown in the towel. Zeke and James saw right through whatever great pretending I attempted, and each made their concerns very present.
Zeke wore a tremendous frown. He's one of those few guys that really thinks I'm worth every ounce of fight to keep me if a girl could, and to do otherwise was just ludicrous. He thought me and Jasmine looked good together, and he was disappointed that it'd gone this direction, and honestly so was James. I think it may have affected a lot of Jim's decisions from then on, he was so upset; surprisingly, he really was happy to see us getting together. It definitely figured into his attitude. He got very protective of me, but I assured him I'd end up ok. I don't think he believed me. All the same, I felt...at least she's still living with us, even if her time there wasn't often, and that'll likely increase the moment we get a new place.
I said to myself, just give it time.
I tried to concentrate, instead, on work. That's what I've always done when things got so miserable, was just to launch myself into work. People will recall hours and hours of drive-in dedication from my history--Hell, I'd go on days I wasn't even supposed to work. I'd just sit there, wait for a chance for work to present itself, and go full throttle 'til work was done, and drink up with Cody and Larry (and sometimes Dan) 'til the next day, and repeat the process. I didn't wanna deal with the loss of Abby, I didn't wanna deal with Sterling's death, the drama at the apartment. None of it. I wanted to put my eyes on, like Sarah said, something that gave me a clear-cut direction and purpose, a distraction.
And this time was no different.
Sometimes, it'd work. Hell, I imagine it worked a lot better than if not. But this wasn't the drive-in where you were the Gopher if you were a Projectionist; you didn't thread movies, then sell tickets, then check one-punches, then make food and clean out the popcorn machine, and thread more movies, then do security, and so on, every single day. Sometimes, you'd just be sitting there in the dark waiting for the next set of customers, or off in the dog food isle hucking bags into corners. Gives a lot of time for thought, and you can imagine what most of it was devoted to once again. This, combined with the severe lack of sleep that slowly started to really catch up to me produced an effect I like to call Unraveling, because my mind very obviously going a direction no one wanted it to go.
I think at one point I walked into the apartment for the first time in weeks, and James nearly clubbed me on the head to get me to sleep. Quite frankly, even when I rarely had the time to sleep, I didn't even want to. I was shot. And it only added to the roller coaster. Was I angry? Yeah. Sometimes I was depressed, sometimes just flat-out pissed. This was one of the most miserable times in my life, where everything I tried to achieve just absolutely fell apart, from trying to get money for a new place to failing at my multiple attempts to get Katie her much-needed swords. It seemed everything dried up, and no one wanted to help but me.
I'd lost my passion. I was so disillusioned and bitter and betrayed about everything that I didn't have the desire to wrap my head around much else. By the end of the month it went from tar to just plain brain-dead; my ends were fried, and my brain was burnt. Anything complicated just drew blanks for me, anything that required actual *thought* just made me wince. It didn't hurt, but it was like two magnets when they're placed with their like poles together; and when you place the like poles together, the opposing fields repel one another. Try it sometime, if you have two magnets around, to try putting them together backwards. It's exactly like that, any attempt to compute a truly thoughtful process just...pushed away.
I could do simple, very well practiced things no problem--typing, fighting games, cooking, anything that'd been done so many times that it didn't *need* thinking, but anything beyond that--even role-playing on AOL--I was just too fried to do. This sensation didn't let up 'til mid November, either...although it did dissipate. It was just a slow healing while I concentrated on the work in front of me, where I'd disengage emotionally as much as possible. So, like I said, a great deal of October's time was spent with me living at the Elliot's household, and getting twelve hours of sleep a week. That's how I handled business, and it actually went pretty well most of the way through...all things considered.
~Too Much~
~Gyro's~
The first thing to look at would be Gyro's, since it's the less recent of the news comparatively. Now, as some of you might remember, I wasn't sure about this Gyro's gig going in. If they'd asked Jacob, they'd have gotten someone so sure on signing up it'd have been hysterical, but I was never the run-around-scaring-people buff. I *can* and *have* scare people, but that wasn't through cheesy lines or banging on shit, just sheer size and legitimate problems with them. I'd heard about the Gyro's job shortly after landing, and was pretty sure when we got hired by Kirby that I wasn't going to do it. We were making "real money" was my theory, and didn't need to bother with a temp job.
Boy, was I wrong. And I'm glad I was!
While on the first day I was shaking my head with uncertainty, by the end of the gig I was almost sad to see it go! I say "almost" because, well, our voices were shot, and those of us with other jobs (such as Juan) were exhausted straight to Hell. But still, while I won't say we were friends with everyone there, a lot of people found a group of people they enjoyed seeing daily, and I was no exception. Hell, I had a rather large group of people I respected! All a buncha renegades in their own right, no one here was your traditional law-abiding citizen. Not to say that everyone were criminals, either, but everyone obviously marched to the beat of their own drum in life, and couldn't give a fuck what anyone thought of it.
~The Cast~
While I already knew Zeke and Rebecca, and to a lesser extent Juan, and I knew even less of Kassy or Skyler, but the majority of the people I came to know were new to me. The first people I'd gotten to see there other than Zergog (we'll talk on him later) were Angela Silva and Eddie Saenz, so it brought me some immediate relief that this place wasn't just a total clusterfuck of tomfoolery. They brought a professional air that Zergog simply didn't that really helped to balance out some of the actors coming through, but NO ONE presented that air more than Andy. Andy showed up to the first day in a full-blown suit, loafers and all! VERY classy, haha, I'd thought he was some kinda higher-up coming to oversee us! Introduced himself and everything.
I'm not clear what it is that Eddie did at Gyro's. He was only there for the first week before returning to his home in Sacramento, but it was clear he was instrumental. My theory is, he oversaw all of the work that wasn't acting or security. Since Zergog was traditionally next to useless, Rebecca did most acting and wardrobe projects, and Carlos being tremendously capable himself oversaw all of security. Anything else? Eddie was your guy. But that's just a theory. Anyway, I was surprised when he didn't stick around, but then again I'd been surprised he'd been there at all--someone from Sacramento working every day at THIS gig? Sounds like they should'a called Jacob down here after-all, it turns out Jake's worked for them before.
Angela, along with Diane Cortez and AJ, were our makeup people. I think we may have had a fourth wheel on the makeup bandwagon, but I never met the guy, so...anyhow, these cats worked their asses off on the two hour windows that we showed up to present us with scary faces. Angela and Diane did things like paint spray, touch-ups, blood, and do what's called prosthetic makeup, which is the process of using prosthetic sculpting, molding and casting techniques to create advanced cosmetic effects. They'd literally put a whole new eye over your old eye that was zombie-fied and terrible to behold, for instance. One of the hardest parts of prosthetic make-up is keeping the edges as thin as possible. They should be wafer thin so they are easy to blend and cover giving a flawless look. And they were flawless indeed.
The next people I really got to know were those in my immediate team. I say team, because they were, and if you read the last journal entry you'd see why. Alex Johnson and Gabe Garcia were in the rooms before and after my little hole in the wall, respectively. Alex's birthday occurs a day before mine (if I recall correctly) and he traditionally played the role of the Spider Man (not to be confused with Peter Parker). His room was decked out in spider stuff and had a small device that churned out the smell of heavy soil, like you might expect from a cave or freshly dug grave. He had a projector of a spider running at you that was tremendously annoying, and I nearly killed them when they cranked up the volume on it the final night!
Gabe, on the other hand, had a room with a skeleton feel to it. While less "decked out" then Alex, his projection (a mass of skeletons dancing around a bubbling pot of blood) was far cooler to watch (AND far less annoying to hear). Gabe was the guy I'd go to if I ever needed to step out, but I'd often find myself chatting with both during the down times to keep my mind free, and we'd all bullshit in Gabe's corner of the world (much to the ire of Rebecca haha XD)...and like I said, we helped each other a lot in the end. My ears wait for Alex's cry that scares people from his corner, they SHRIEK and come shuffling into the corridor to get away from that, and BOOM there I am!
As they're running away, I chase after. Pounding the walls above their head, a mere inches from their fleeing bodies, they're collapsing over each other, paying attention to me, pinning themselves against the wall and--while all that's going on, BOOM, there's Gabe in the next room I just chased them into, right next to them, they're absolutely not expecting him their terror's so on me, and it just completely drives it over the top. There's an energy, and it's a play like that which makes me, Alex, and Gabe do a fuckin' dance and grin. Even when they AREN'T so spooked to go running, trying to be tough or whatever, I'll still follow them. And they find it even creepier that I'll follow them anyway. And they watch me in case I got a new trick.
...Right into Gabe. We're supposed to scare 65% of our customers. I say we scare more like 95%. And the rest I'd say are jarred and acting up. More on that later.
We began a network from there. James was the next person from Gabe (not Erickson or Major, obviously) and before Alex was Ollie, so we stretched it out some. From there, beyond James was JJ, and beyond Ollie was Chris 138 (not Harris or Steinwinder or Merritt or Bennett). All these guys were some tremendous people, and they were probably the best part of the whole 4D experience. Other parts of 4D were questionable, some coworkers from PetSmart ended up going and they weren't impressed 'til that point, but I was solid that our little niche was a great success, and I was honored to work with them and get to know them as people and as friends. This, naturally, wasn't the only people in our little operation I'd gotten to know, however!
Some other names worth mentioning would be Ben David, Rocky Yong, ol' Phil and his girlfriend Karissa, Randy Clark, Robert Garcia, Raye, Andy's girlfriend Lenette, several Justins...the list goes on.
~Management: Gyro's Edition~
Management at Gyro's was ridiculous, at least as far as the acting side of things was concerned. It was the one thing that had made me real uncertain about working there at first, and even after I got exposed to other and better elements, it still had me raising an eyebrow. Even Rebecca, when she put her manager-cap on, had me shaking m head a few times. There's a certain way a company should be treating their employees, and that's not one of them. The man immediately in charge of us over Rebecca was a man named Zergog. Prolly I've mentioned him before, but I can't stress it enough, the man is something of a jabroni. I honestly fail to see what his job actually is, and not in the good way like Eddie. Eddie, you saw running around and doing things.
Zergog just walked around trying to remind everyone he was "the boss".
If you asked him, he would tell you that for the past eight years he's been the performance director for Gyro's haunted house, and that he hires, trains, and oversees the run of over fifty actors to scare the crap out of anyone "who dares to enter our asylum." But really, aside from the "hiring" process, he just walked around and griped for attention. Rebecca handled most of the real work. And by that, I mean drives them around, outfits them, plans what they should do...there is no "training". It's just, go in and go. I dunno, I suppose he wasn't the worst manager ever--that'd go to Eric Peterson--but he was bad enough to note.
Other managers to note was a man named Kurt who apparently oversaw finances, and was the guy me and Zeke worked for when hanging those signs. Indeed, the puddle of piss that refused to pay us our wage. The entire fucking run, we never got a dime of it, and we were supposed to get it before the show even began. He doubted we put anything up or that someone else took it down, and the boss--"Dan"--refused to step in and do anything about it, so it was just Kurt putting us off and us getting pissed. But Zeke didn't want to do anything about it 'cuz he needed the money, and Rebecca was a lackey to Dan anyway. We only ended up getting $100 each for the work, and Zeke kept my $100 to be paid back........some day. He needed the money. I was fucking livid.
The last manager to note was Carlos, the head of security. Carlos, as near as I can figure, is just downright awesome. His team is a buncha security buffs that basically do whatever they want to, and make sure that this chaotic world has some sort of balance after all. Anyone gets testy with us? Security throws them out. Sometimes literally. That's their job. Oh, and to close the various haunted houses down. They're split into three different houses--4D, Armageddon, annnnd...Hell, I don't even remember the last one. I just saw mine. Anyway, Carlos was legit and JJ was his brother, so everything was good in that respect. They offered me rum and employment, can't go wrong.
Above them all was Dan Nelson. Now, as we all know, when I think of "Dan", and especially when I'm working for one, I think Dan Frausto. But this wasn't him, no, this was Dan Nelson. Dan looked (and sounded) an awful lot like Kevin Pollak and was the owner of the business. In fact, he owned a lot of businesses, and was walking rich. Through him, I got to meet several stars, including Daniel Baldwin and Vincent D'Onofrio, which was great. But really, he was still no Dan Frausto. They'd call him "Dan the Man" and I just shook my head, haha--"No. I know who Dan the Man is, and that ain't it."
I don't think he much ran anything either, but I suppose when you're the owner you don't have to. He always treated me well, and he had a reputation for being fair. On my scale between in Manager Comparisons, he wasn't so bad off. But Zergog?...man. I'm not even sure how Zergog remained. One thing I did learn about Dan was, he liked money, and he cut every corner he could. If it meant throwing his team under the bus for a little more profit? Sure, no problem. Some people may wonder what it is I'm talking about, but if you worked there, you prolly already know. For instance, their policy on hours of work:
When we were brought in, we were told--straightforward--that we had to be here at about 5pm and we were done at 10pm for weekdays, and 12am for weekends. We got $35 for the long months and $50 for the slow nights, and that's before taxes obviously. Basically, that's what we got paid, which was less than minimum wage. When I explained it, Rebecca told me that we ACTUALLY didn't start to get paid 'til 7pm, and it was 7 to 10, or 7 to 12 respectively. Well that was certainly better, but how were they gonna insist we were here any earlier then seven o'clock?? But even if you could explain that, what was absolutely intolerable was keeping us after closing without getting paid.
Oftentimes, when in a place like this, you'll get stragglers. People who show up last minute, as you're closing the doors. You close them behind the people, and they do their thing and leave. This is true for any business, and while you're still serving them, you're still on the clock--you're getting paid for spending more time on the clock. Right? Makes sense. It's also not supposed to happen very often. Dan and Zergog, on the other hand, tell you to expect you to stay over, and did not pay you for your additional time. This also got increasingly worse as the weeks went on. They'd come get us at like 12:15 at first, then 12:30, 12:45...and that's just getting us.
By the end, my team of Alex, Gabe, JJ, James, Ollie, and Chris 138 would be joined by Lenette, and we'd wait...and wait...and wait...and then just leave, when we weren't supposed to. Not paying us? We're not staying. This became our ritual. But no matter when we were collected, we then had to sit for the meeting. "Meetings" here were a tremendous waste of time. If I had my own car, I'd leave every single time, but I had to wait. They really thought they could force someone to wait, too--I'd hear Rebecca or Zergog saying, "You have to stay for the meeting!" or shit like that.
Meetings consisted of Dan saying stuff about volunteering for Evil Jack points, Zergog parroting exactly what Dan just said word for word, and then plugging in his own local radio show. Then awarding some Evil Jack points to someone that didn't really do anything special. Yeah. Evil Jack Points.
~Jack Points~
Evil Jack is the mascot for Gyro's. He's a tall, Demonic jack-o-lantern with rows of sharp teeth and gleaming red eyes. And a knife. But when I hear the words "Evil Jack", that isn't what I think of...I instead think of Jim's evil genius character Evil Jack who tried to take over the world, one quarter at a time, haha! Anyway, associated with this mascot are "Evil Jack Points". Jack Points were Gyro's attempt to motivate their employees to do several different voluntary deeds, such as spending entire days promoting their event by walking the streets in makeup and delivering fliers to passer-bys, or the grueling task of putting up, repairing, or taking down the entire three houses of the Gyro's thing itself. Sure, Dan Nelson would also buy pizzas, but I mean...a few bucks at Little Caesars did not replace true hourly rates. What were they good for?
Jack Points were worth Jack Shit.
Theoretically, you could get Evil Jack merchandise with them. Shirts, bottles, hats, jackets, sweatshirts...the list doesn't go on. That's the end of it. And these were all things we could get for free anyway, if you knew who to ask. (Like Zeke.) Even if you COULDN'T get them for free, the trade-off just wasn't spectacular enough for me. I usually love to volunteer and help people out, but this wasn't volunteering, this was being a cheap-ass--especially when Zeke informed me that, previously, they PAID their people to spend all those hundreds of hours doing those jobs. This year was different, evidently due to the recession. The scope of just how bad things were at Gyro's would not reach us until some time later, however. For now, most people just laughed when Jack Points were offered--myself the loudest. I'd say:
"Oh hey, Jack Points! Do Jack Points pay the rent?"
"...Well, no..."
"...Do the Jack Points fill up my gas tank?"
"...Uh..no..but..."
"OOH! Do Jack Points get me a lot of food? Maybe from Jack in the Box? That'd make sense!"
"Well...um, no...but uh...we buy you pizza?"
"How many?"
"Oh you'd get two slices!"
"....... No."
~Gyro's Outside Of Gyro's~
Usually, many nights consisted of us getting off from our posts and getting rides where needed. The most popular lineup for rides was actually what we deemed to be the "Nerd Ride" or "Nerd Mobile" or any other variation you can think of. Basically, it was Juan's large truck fitting me in the front seat, and in the back it'd be Andy, Lenette, and the Zekester 'cuz he didn't wanna wait for Rebecca, who was on salary so had to stay behind 'til everything was said and done. THOSE were fun trips. We nerded out about every damn thing, from anime to cell phones. You name it. It was a lot of fun just shooting the shit outside of work. Gyro's was, if nothing else, a good venue for making good friends.
The other things that happened when work wasn't in order was to party. They were rare, but we did them, and what we could get were a lot of fun. Randy and Raye would gather Chris 138, Justin, and others while we got Juan, Zeke, Rebecca, and so on, and we'd all go to the Elliot's home. We weren't slobbering drunk fools like some parties, I don't really see the point of parties that tear a house up and you wake up not remembering a thing next to some other girl or guy you've never met huggin' 'em or whatever...party animal-type bullshit just never made sense. But having good times, drinking to drink, playin' some games (board or video) or even just shooting the shit or watching movies, that's all tremendous.
A large gathering of friends? Makes perfect sense to me.
Plus, whiskey was the only well in my life that was running deep at this point, and I took full advantage of it. We tried to get Andy or Lenette along, or any of the others for that matter, but that just didn't work out. Anyway, it was good times. We'd often spend the whole lot of time playing Halo (or for me, playing King of Fighters with Randy 'cuz we rock the 2D Fighting Games), and a lot of Kessler. Kessler is not my whiskey of choice, but as far as the cheap-ass whiskeys go, it's prolly the best on the line, and that's what Zeke would buy--along with some Coor's beer. I'd bring the jar of Captain Morgan's me and Jasmine never finished off, and Juan often brought other things like Malibu and Sparks. With our powers combined, no one left home sober. In fact, no one left usually.
Unfortunately, the parties also weren't long-lasted. We had very limited hours to work with, and when we did them, it was after working tremendously exhausting shifts. With my job pairing with Gyro's, I was just utterly exhausted and often fell asleep!
~If I Were In Charge~
Working at Gyro's, you found plenty to complain about. I want to make it clear, however, that I'm not saying I could possibly do better. I'm saying I could *absolutely*, do, better. If I was given creative control of Gyro's, there'd be so many changes, I can't even begin to tell you...what Gyro's had was a lot of cheap scare tactics to rely on, and not much else. Their slogan was that everything was "4D", with the theory that there was a fourth dimensional effect in our company's work. In physics and mathematics, a sequence of n numbers can be understood as a location in an n-dimensional space. When n = 4, the set of all such locations is called 4-dimensional Euclidean space.
Such a space differs from our more familiar three-dimensional space in that it has an additional dimension, indistinguishable from the other three. This fourth spatial dimension is a concept distinct from the time dimension in spacetime, since time is functionally very different from any of the spatial dimensions; formally, spacetime is not an Euclidean space but a Minkowski space. In short, there is absolutely no fucking way we have this available to our crowd. Instead, what they meant was that we have the sensation of smells available to our experience. Now, a room can smell like a swamp, or a cemetery. The fourth sense was accomplished, not the fourth dimension! That's not a slogan you bank on.
Secondly, smells are what you're hoping will attract your people in a horror house?? I mean, the rest of it is just cheap walls painted black, and even cheaper stuff decorating it. None of the props looked real. The knives were plastic, the skeletons were plastic and goofy-looking (seriously, cartoon eyes? and tiny at that, only the size of a doll!), they used spray-paint that glowed in black-light for effect, I mean...it's sad. So, they rely totally on us, and they've a set method of creating terror. Sometimes I'd think about how I would do it if I were running things. I go back to that formula Eric Bischoff used with Nitro—SARSA. Story, anticipation, reality, surprise, action.
Action is pretty easy to create in a haunt. But it’s not the only thing in scaring people--it’s just one of those five elements. The others are just as important and usually even harder to create. Gyro's thinks they can force-feed conflicts to the audience without bothering to make them believable. The scare suffers as a result. The scaring is suffering because the reality is suffering. You require story, and you require ambiance, and build-up. And if you have a weak story and no reality, then you don’t have anticipation--because no one really cares enough to anticipate it. We did the best that we could in our little corner of the world, but Gyro's suffered as a result. Elias and Josh made sure to point that out in their run-throughs. About the only things *really* believable outside of us, as far as I saw, were Zeke running around with a real-life chainsaw. THAT'S the kind of shit they needed.
If I was in charge, first and foremost I'd work on that setting. You need ambiance, like I said, and screeching one-second-long videos on a wall don't do it justice. No one gives a crap about looking at 3D screens through glasses when they're here to be scared. It's cool, but...wrong venue. The spraypaint glowing in the blacklight also doesn't make sense--this is a horror house, not me and Alex tagging a wall in 2002. Sure, maybe somewhere, but certainly not written out or goofy skeletons or shit like that. Come on, we can use better effect! If we had sound systems to use, which we did, I'd instead use them for environmental sounds; ambiance was already mentioned--you know, the low rumbling of a place. Hands thudding around over and over everywhere would be cool, in all the walls. Maybe scrapes here and there, or that...really unpleasant sound of demonic groans going off in unison. Thunder.
You know. Environment. And not DJ music blaring love songs and techno.
Also, if we were gonna decorate, let's go top-notch. Real-looking skeletons, no eyes. No fake masks, all prosthetics (there were a few people with wolf masks and crap, for instance). Real knives; not sharp at all mind you, but make 'em metal man! Toss some corn syrup and red dye onto them sumbitches! Buy a few granite gravestones for the site of your graveyards, right? Sure might be more pricey than cardboard, but they'll last very nearly forever, and it'll give the look a person *wants* when showing a performance. Better hiding spots, and more to it than just pop out and scream--you could have whole *skits* in there.
One of the cool things me and Juan came up with is, while he's walking through (because he wanted to scope out our part of the place) was that I beat up on him. Not anything serious, some harmless slamming, but it's *look* real enough (especially in the poor lighting) that any e-thugs thinking the place just wasn't scary would suddenly think twice when a seemingly random customer got hucked into a wall. It just makes sense to be innovative in a business like this. Creativity is what makes money! You're *entertainers*, don't rely on some piece of crap anti-Glade Plug-in to win you the big bucks just 'cuz a room now smells like *dirt!* God DAMN! And this is just the start. There's a lot one can do to fix a place like this to being even better.
~Clusterfucks~
One of the biggest troubles was crowd control. The idea of a place like this is that they're supposed to only allow entry to a few people at once. Unfortunately, no one ever listened to this. The guy in charge of the door was Mike Townley, but he was often in the bathroom talking to his girlfriend who was breaking up with him--it was a bad month for relationships, so I didn't blame him too much. The end result was people pouring in through the beginning of the maze! They come in lines, and especially in my little area, it made things very difficult at first. You can either scare the first person through, or the last few through, but the sheer quantity had you completely missing the middle. SOMETIMES, people would get scared that were there, but sometimes they just shrugged. You had to change it up.
And I did.
Often, this consisted of following them, and smashing walls. And we pounded the Hell out of those walls! That's when we came up with various scare tactics we did that included Alex and Gabe and networked to the others. We knew when each of us were going off, the basics were that it started with Chris 138 screaming "MY CAAAAVE~!!" and it'd go from there; Ollie would scream "GET OUT! GET OUT!!!" and then Alex would make a sound--originally just a sharp hiss and slam, and then he changed it up to just screaming in terror right next to their ear, right into me. And I'd just roar real good, or throw out some lines. Then into Gabe, who's make a shrill cry at them from behind them 'cuz they were lookin' at me, and then me and Gabe chased them through the Skeleton room into James and his pitch fork in the pitch black, that he would slam--and sink--into the walls, rattling the foundation. And they'd flee into JJ. It was a hoot.
The last few nights was very literally a conga line of people. It never ended, for hours.
~Toughguy Boyfriends & Cheerleader-Type Girls~
One of the more interesting things was the variety of people that came through, but there were some stereotypes, and the most amusing ones were the tough-guy boyfriends and the cheerleader-types. Tough-guy boyfriends were the kind of people that thought of themselves as too manly for a haunt, but it was a good place to bring their girls and they often did. They'd bring 'em through so that we'd scare them, but weren't being interested in being scared themselves, and had no problems telling you just how scared they weren't (which, to me, was a challenge to just scare them anyhow!) They'd do typical shoulder-checks and upturn-nods, an occasional "sup?" and always some line about how they "saw me" or that they're not afraid. I'd usually let them know that their seeing me wouldn't change anything.
It usually didn't, they'd get scared 'fore it was over, if for no other reason than they would stare at me to prove they weren't afraid for Gabe to get 'em.
The other even *stranger* stereotype were the Cheerleader girls. Now, I'm not saying I know for sure that everyone of this type was, in fact, a cheerleader...for all I know, none of 'em were, and I missed the real cheerleaders who went through there, but they were the athletic, all-American-girl faced, and typically blond type of girl that matches the looks of Hayden Panettiere very closely in resemblance. THOSE kinds of girls. They were straenge and amusing because they were the one type/category of person consistently *not* afraid of anything. You could do it all, and they were--at best--amused, and at worst, bored. I could have prolly killed one of them in front of the other, and they'd'a just shrugged! Maybe Heroes had the right idea casting after all, because nothing budged these little ones, and it was just both funny and impressive!
~Replacements~
Sometimes, things beyond Gyro's control would unfortunately happen as well. One of these would be when one of the people in our network wouldn't be there that day, and that person was replaced. Rather than finding new ways to fill the room, they'd just refill that person's role, and it was about as ridiculous sometimes as Rick Bogner playing Razor Ramon instead of Scott Hall, or Glenn Jacobs portraying Diesal instead of Kevin Nash! And they were always terrible, pale imitations compared to their original, with the exception of Raye who did the best she could with what she had to work with (she ended up replacing Alex once and Ollie once). It was abysmal. One complained endless about when he had to replace Gabe or James, and the another was famous for replacing Alex for only an hour, before leaving Gyro's entirely because his break didn't come quickly.
...What lame-asses. Seriously.
~Break The Walls DOWN!~
The final weekend of Gyro's was intense. Like I mentioned before, it was a conga line of people flowing down the rooms and hallways we were all in. It was *also* a lot of fun. There wasn't any time for hiding again at all, and my personal hide-spot was useless by now anyway--the weeks had seen hardships for the black cloth, and most of it had been pulled down. And by the end of the weekend, it'd all be gone, because I wasn't taking anything softly. Often, this consisted of us just scaring people constantly using anything we could--there was no hiding-to-surprise, so it was scaring them through genuinely making them feel in danger. The walls got to be the basis for most of this.
This was our final performances, and I wasn't going to take it easy on them. For performance sake, me and James had already done some minimal damage to the walls, but now we were going all out--especially me. I broke those walls down. When people ran, I came after them and kicked just above their heads, sinking my foot into the wall they were next to. I'd slug holes into every place they were, making sure to lunge at them in a manner that showed I was coming so they'd move--and *JUST* a hair before their move, is when my fist would be there. I roared, I shredded, and I threw chairs, and the very foundation paid for my performance. I was damned proud of myself for that much carnage. And people were *terrified*. It was great!
We didn't even get to leave our *stations* until 2am, and we did not get paid for those last two hours, although me and my crew, we stayed true to the plan, and refused to stay after a certain amount of time. We told Zeke we'd do him a favor and wait 'til 1, buuut...I just don't have respect for a company that doesn't pay it's employees, or tries it's best to do as little as possible. Between Kurt (or whatever his name was) not paying us for the signs and Zergog and Dan not paying us for staying over for stragglers and forced meetings and demanded two hours of makeup, we had no idea just how truly tremendous these cheapasses would be. I thought Dan was an alright guy, if not a cheapskate...but, the level of failure to pay up would be legendary.
The last night was pretty tremendous. Everyone had gone from being complete strangers to being a (very) ragtag sort of family. Rebecca was furious with my little group for leaving early, but I just called out that "you don't pay me? I ain't sittin' in freezing cold for two hours!" and I got cheers and props. Andy said something like, "did I ever tell you I love you?" Hahaha..I didn't mean to put down Rebecca, but her tone and demands had always been a little dictator-esque at Gyro's anyhow. She's still my friend, and friends remind their friends when they're being unreasonable, right? Right. I said goodbye to everyone, and tried to get every single soul's number--to keep in contact, even though I had no car to see them often with. Carlos and JJ, who were brothers, brought by a water bottle of rum and coke, and we drank and Carlos insisted I come back next year as security for his team.
I agreed. Carlos was a great guy, and I saw it as a fun opportunity.
~PetSmart~
PetSmart was the other, more mainstream, job I'd been working at around this same time, and continued to work at well after Gyro's was over. While Gyro's was very taxing for all it's running around, PetSmart was a kind of taxing because it required a great deal of heavy lifting...something I generally don't mind, which is why Peter Yee hired me. He figured my large size would lend itself to quickly doing jobs with large bags (Dog food, Kitty litter), and I could work for very long amount of times without getting tired. If I hadn't been working all the time at Gyro's, that would have been even true for October, and for most of it, it was. Initially when I was hired, Peter said I was going to be working for only ten hours a week from 4am 'til 9am, on Wednesday and Friday, and rarely weekend evenings. That stability didn't last.
~The Crew~
The people immediately in my section of work originally consisted of Elias, Jim, John, Joe and our lead Denise. I got to meet Jim and Joe first, and it was Joe that showed me the initial ropes--in fact, Joe was pretty much the only guy (other than Elias) to do anything that could be considered "training". Most of this job, they just expected you to know what the fuck was going on, and counted it as a mistake when you didn't. I was ok with that, I figure I'll learn via trial and error--a kind of learning I'm obviously good at! Joe seemed likable enough, but unfortunately for me, I wasn't hired to be his co-worker, I was hired to be his replacement. It turns out Joe was, according to Peter, not the best employee, and the very next day in, Joe was given permanent suspension. He was real depressed for a bit after that.
As I've said before, Jim reminds me of an older Ridgway. Same build, same mannerisms, same general looks. He's very wiry, but full of energy, and he uses the knowledge he's gained working here longer than any to chuck out what he needs to do quickly and efficiently. Why he isn't a manager, or at the very least doesn't have Denise's job, is absolutely beyond me. He absolutely should be the shift lead, no question, and not even Denise denies this fact. He's very serious and dedicated to his job, no doubt. John, on the other hand, is another great guy with a much more zippy and comical personality; that is to say, he's always got a smile on his face, and is always doing things that are cheerful and full of good spirit and nature. He takes practical jokes well, and laughs a lot, which is good because Elias is do those jokes. Both are tremendously helpful when you need them!
Elias was the next guy I met, and he and I hit it off really well. Elias and I both grew up in impoverished lives, at about the same time, and in neighborhoods that were similar to each other. We had the same street mentality and a lot of what we talked about was consistent with the way we grew up. So when Elias would bring something up, I related to it right away. He was also extremely helpful in getting me up to speed, because during what few times we got to work with each other, he was very informative and always insisted I go to him to find where things go rather than anyone else. When I felt bad that I wasn't as fast as, say, John or Jim, he insisted that a) we're big guys, and b) I'm still new. I shouldn't be stressing over this or that, if Denise yells it's not my fault, because I'm doing the best I can. He's been a real good friend, through and through.
I've met other people in PetSmart by now too, and many of them seem very cool; Josh reminds tremendously of Mr. Kennedy and (as near as I can figure) runs Doggy Day-Camp, a place people take their dogs to be babysat, and Geoff is actually a fellow gamer who trains the dogs. Fern and Stephanie run the fishes, Ariana and another Stephanie are apart of Grooming with Marcus as their manager, and Sherri runs small pets and so on. Like I said, I got along with nearly everyone. Then again, I'm as apolitical as possible. I don't hang out with too many people, 'sept maybe Elias, or whoever's in the back room. For the most part, when I show up, I read a book or work on this journal entry, and stay out of everybody else's way.
~Management: PetSmart Edition~
Peter Yee was the man that hired me when I came to PetSmart looking for a job. He was a somewhat portly man of Asian descent, but to hear him speak would immediately tell you he probably was born here. Besides being PetSmart's hiring man, Peter was also house manager of PetSmart. This meant Peter oversaw the store, the employees, and inventory and stocking. He worked closely with his boss on store issues and store planning. But the first day I met him, I could tell--very clearly--he was not at all meant for this job. He didn't inspire inspiration, and he didn't know what he was doing--and that was even more evident the more I worked with him, from the way he tried to get more sales (it was always about numbers and trying to get customers to want more of our product) to expecting miracles in places he wouldn't find any.
I want to make it clear: I didn’t like working for Peter Yee at the time. Peter Yee was--I won’t say a tyrant, but he was a miserable Human being. A lot of that had to do with the fact that he reported to his boss and had to take a lot of that boss's shit. Peter had to support his boss's decisions, whether he agreed with them or not. He had to be his hatchet man. Peter took responsibility for a lot of what that man chose to do. It was a miserable position to be in. One of things I respect about Peter Yee is that he's an incredibly hardworking, loyal person. If the guy above him says, "This is what I want to do," he goes and does it with one hundred percent effort. With respect to whoever ran things, that put Peter in a very difficult position.
Peter believed that, if he told his lackeys--us--that he really wanted the numbers to go up, this would somehow translate into the customers doing what we wanted. So, telling us would make us come up with some incredible, brilliant plan to make the changes necessary so that customers would become suddenly very much wanting to buy everything we had and leaving their dogs here for hours in the meantime. I'll give you an example: Josh is the guy who runs Doggy Day Camp. This is one of the few stand-along Doggy Day Camps in the nation, most of them are connected to hotels. And in that respect, it is the best Doggy Day Camp of it's kind in ratings. Still, Peter is comparing last year's numbers to this year's for monetary expectations, and is then *also* adding a 75% to it. ...Did he miss that we were/are in a recession or something? And he'd sit there and tell Josh, "We need to get this up!" and wait for Josh to get it, as if Josh didn't know this already.
...Or like, Josh was supposed to do something different than stand behind the counter when a family brings in their dog to be taken care of. The Hell did Peter want, for him to do a dance outside with a sign? Fat chance!
Another example is the first day he and I worked together. It was for something called a Hole's Report, which is where you go down the isles and find a place where there is no product, theoretically because it's sold out. Then you go check that bar code with the inventory to see if it's really a sold-out item, or if it's actually just misplaced, and then you go and find such an item by digging around the shelf, then the back room on the palettes, and if you found it on a palette you had to work that WHOLE palette as if it were a brand new palette right off the truck, and put everything out that you can fit out. It was kinda bullshit, but I'd'a been find if I had any idea what I was doing--I know *now*, but then he was just babbling out nonsense and showing me a piece of paper that made even less sense than his words.
When things don't go right and exactly as Peter expected--which apparently was often--he had this habit of panicking. This was another reason he just wasn't good at being the store manager, he was absolutely not leader material. He couldn't inspire his troupes to do better at doing things faster by being their fellow man and getting his hands just as dirty as them, he couldn't relate to anyone, he had the social skills of a...well, not. He couldn't take the heat. In this instance, he kept telling me that we had to get it done by 9am. I'd say I'd try, still confused. Finally after the third time of him telling me this within a thirty minute period, I just looked at him and said, "Sure, absolutely, but I've never done this before. I'll do the best that I can, but if you need this done by some certain time, possibly you should have brought someone more experienced to do this with me. I'm new."
He just stared at me for a good, long minute. He couldn't compute his own error. Then he fled into the office and called in Jim and locked himself in there for the rest of the day, panicking. I'd never seen anything like it. On the grand scale where Dan Frausto ranks #1 in Manager material, and Eric Peterson ranks the lowest, Peter wasn't far off from Eric. He wasn't an asshole, but he was helpless and silly at best. Peter Yee, because he was so miserable, contacted Vince. It became obvious to Peter that someone else would hire him. So Peter called his boss and asked if he would let him out of his contract and he could quit. And quit he did indeed, leaving Genie and Denise in charge of the store until a new store manager would take his place. This started whole new problems, but we'll get to that later.
Seriously, I could'a brought in Dustin Welton at the drop of a hat to take ovwer Peter's job, and he'd do a tremendously better job on last-minute short notice.
Denise seemed to be an ok person with me, but my friendship with her has diminished little by little as things went on. I'll cover this later, but for the most part, I've never minded working for her. She's the kind that'll work you until the last minute, but if you do a good job, she generally finds you a good addition to her team...but I think it's more in the way that she finds you useful, rather than really important as a person. Her biggest issues have been with the assistant manager Genie, and they tend to have conflicting goals; Denise wants things to go out as much as possible because our back room is pathetically small, and Genie wants less things stacked around so that they look pretty to a customer. It's very Dwarf-vs-Elf mentality, for a brief D&D sideline. And they often didn't talk out these problems.
Genie, herself, is pretty cool too, in most instances. She's caught between a rock and a hard place being both the girl that kind of runs things and also the middle-man for a lot of important concerns fielded from the people working under her. She's too cautious to really befriend anyone, and that's mostly to do with a time previous to my working there where she had a friend that was an employee that ended up stealing from the store. Genie didn't know about it, but she did get questioned after her friend raised red flags, and she did tell that friend that she was questioned. They didn't like that, and removed Genie, nearly firing her under the grounds of "fraternizing" with this girl. ...Like, suddenly, it's wrong to have friends in the business?? Fuck that, and fuck PetSmart for thinking so. I love what friends I've made at the place, and I'm not backing down for any.
That being said, Genie is waiting 'til one of us leaves 'fore she'll add me as a friend on Facebook or MySpace, hahaha. She's that worried about being fired.
~Issues With The Job~
The job, itself, sounds pretty plain: Our job is to fill the inventory on the shelf where it'll fit. Take palettes off of a truck, take them down to their isle, huck items into spaces, and you're good. Unfortunately, it's not that simple at PetSmart. Now, despite the fact that I've carried several inventory jobs in my time, I've never been a stocker...which is strange, 'cuz I'm a big guy and you'd think I'd fit right in there, right? But anyway, it's been told to me by people who have had stocking jobs that this isn't really how other stocking jobs are done compared to how PetSmart does it. We don't just stock an item, we also create places for them, and search things down, and basically do a lot of the jobs that managers are supposed to be doing. A lot of this is due to the lack of employees working there.
One of the biggest issues I have is the fact that we are so tightly timed. I understand we shouldn't sloth our duties to the point where not getting anything done, but most stores leave ample amounts of time for stockers of all shapes and sizes to get things done. Safeway, for instance, generally stocks somewhere around midnight, or earlier, depending. Each palette is, by company policy (or so I'm told), supposed to only take one hour exactly. Denise expects it done by even less. On big things, like dog food and kitty litter, people like me and Elias have no problem with this. We're large, and we can lift plenty at once, and it just goes out no problem. Smaller items though--leashes, cat cans (or *any* cans really), shit like that, we just don't finish as fast as, say, John or Jim.
Not to be offensive, 'cuz I love 'em, but Jim and John are skinny fucks. You don't hire big fellas to be speedy at delivering a buncha little things or dexterous, you hire us people like Elias and Walker to deal with your big things without tremendous effort and to have high endurance--we keep on keepin' on without any trouble. So, for Denise to compare us to Jim and say we aren't working fast enough? Especially when I was new, it didn't make sense to me. I wasn't tremendously slower, and when you're a new guy, it's expected that you're still finding things. That's when Elias gave me the speech about how I shouldn't let it get to me, and that kind of mentality just totally made sense for me. Especially coming in at four in the morning. Come on.
Overstocking was another bitch of mine, although this was less management's fault, and more just PetSmart as a total. In most jobs with a big inventory, there is a system that, if someone buys something in that inventory, it's bar code is scanned and that item is then flagged in the system as having been purchased. This is a clue for the inventory guy to then order more of this to replace what is on this list that is missing...right? Well, not at PetSmart. Instead, it appears that it's all guess work, and it shows. We get *tons* of supply that is, literally, nothing but overstock. We'll get a palette, and all manner of the product on it is so stuffed already, it'll have it's own section of the back room dedicated just to putting more of them up. It's sad.
One of the biggest problems we had was an issue of sickness. Genie came to work while sick, and got John sick and, eventually, me sick as well. This turned into a really big incident for everyone in our section. I came in most times, but there was two times where I just wasn't having it--I was sick to the grave. John also called in several times. It was bad. Unfortunately for me, one of those two times I tried to call in, I was threatened with termination for having taken too many days off, and like John, I was forced to come in--against CDC procedure--and work while I was very ill. And, like John, we were sent back home after they saw we couldn't work. But they literally thought we were lying. This was after Peter left, so it was just Genie and Denise now running things. Bad idea.
The reasoning behind all of this--or at least that I've been told--is that PetSmart employees are only allowed six days off a year. I'd had five so far...one was to visit Sean when I found out he had cancer, it was a huge deal to me and I wasn't going to let PetSmart keep me around when I could be going to my brother's side to give him a damn good send-off 'fore he went to get blasted with radiation. It was a lot of fun to go with Zeke and Becca hang out with him, Jake, Sarah, Jonathan, Bobby, no lie, but it was also very depressing to see such hard times fall on my brother. Genie said I should take a second day off for it, and when Jim insisted I don't go to work, I took her up on that offer.
In another incident, Rebecca flipped out when she didn't take her meds for her bi-polar because she forgot that I'd told her I had work in the morning. She didn't want to take me, and I had no money to make it happen, and no bus started up at any point where I could get from South San José to Sunnyvale by 4am. It was just impossible. So, I called it in, and apologized profusely. The next time there was an issue, Peter had forgotten I worked at Gyro's, even after I filled out paperwork with Genie that specifically stated I could *not* work on the weekends at PetSmart. Genie cleared it 'til Gyro's was over, and during this point, Gyro's was still in effect and when Peter scheduled me for it, I called him and told him, "No. This wasn't part of the deal." He ended up having to call someone else in, and this was considered an absence and my fault...I guess.
Then came this sickness. I called in once, and this second time I called in, they forbid it on the grounds that I'd had five absences already and I was only allowed six. The Hell? Then give me six! They were also pissed that I didn't call an hour before my shift. Well, the PetSmart store opens up at 4am, and I was scheduled at 4am. There's no one there before then, and PetSmart has absolutely no answering machine. I know right?? What kinda company doesn't have answering machines?! So, that was impossible, and the fact that I'd had five incidents plus I didn't call an hour beforehand caused them to not only threaten to fire me if I didn't get in there and work despite being sick, but to get written up for the deed. In fact, by now it'd spread to Elias, and he took days off as well.
The end result is, we all got written up for taking days off for being sick. Not just me, not just Elias, and not just John, but all of us. That last write-up got Elias fired even, on Thanksgiving...what poor taste. Except Genie, who took days off and had attendance issues but, of course, is running the show and would never write herself up. Hell, there was a point where Genie flat-out no-call, no-showed. I've never done that once in my entire life, I've always called and kept right on trying to call 'til I got someone. It's shit like this that gets me mad, these special interests that broke apart a friendship with me and Nick Troyer. When managers do unto others as they don't do to themselves, it just bugs the rebel in me. When Denise yells at John and Elias, for example, for exchanging a few words with one another, and then goes and has a half-hour conversation with Fern or hangs out in Grooming just gabbing away, it's just unacceptable.
(Seriously, who doesn't have an answering machine at their place of business? James could fix their overstocking problem AND give them voice mail all with one machine, and it wouldn't even take him a week! Seriously, hire someone, guys!)
Anyway, I remember that last day of Gyro's, I was beyond dead in the morning from the night right before--Friday night, which was just as bad as the last night would be. I remember telling them, I'm gonna be tired--real tired, I'm gonna be slow, don't expect much. I got in trouble for being slow when I said I'd be slow anyway. They were supposed to tell me what I was supposed to do, and I would do it to the best of my ability. That's how I work. I didn't expect them to be *happy* about it, but I at *least* expected them to understand. But, they just looked confused after I explained it to them only an hour before about why things weren't optimal, and then lectured when I gave them the same answer. I didn't get it, and this wouldn't be the first time. But it lead me to...
~Best Buy~
Best Buy actually gave me a call about getting a job. They really wanted someone, and so I came in. It was a great interview, and I'm sorry it never became anything more--apparently, they had a tremendously large pool of people to select from. But, on the table was a full time job making more than PetSmart gave me per hour, guaranteed, for eight weeks--and more if they liked me. I said I'd take it in a heart beat. This wasn't out of any desire to leave PetSmart aside from the tomfoolery listed above, at this point I just wanted more money--and still do. They wanted me in sales, which is a venue I excel at a lot better than others because, despite my initial appearance throwing people off, I'm actually really good with people. What's more, they wanted to put me into video games. Who knows, maybe they'll pay me a call soon anyway.
The only other place that had wanted to hire me so far was Cutco, courtesy of Matt Townley, intending to hire me for $16 an hour..but in that it was similar to when we worked for Kirby, it had a little flaw to it. This flaw was that, unlike Kirby who drove you from appointment to appointment and got those appointments for you (or was supposed to), Cutco wanted you to show to your friends, and then get them to tell THEIR friends, so that word of mouth would get you business. A neat idea, but I'm not a soccer mom nor do I have soccer moms for friends. No middle-class family looking to buy a tremendous knife set. I'm just flat-out broke, and know only flat-out broke friends, and with no car or ability to get my own customers without door-to-dooring (something I wasn't willing to do), I declined the offer. But they'd made it hard, because they really wanted me.
This is all a tremendous set up for what we like to call, Shit Storms. Part 2's coming.
To Be Continued...
Walker Pennington.
current mood:  productive
current music: Antony Stewart Head & George Sarah - Last Time
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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1:31 pm - ~Survive.~
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"Life for you's been less then kind..? Well, take a number, step in line! We've ALL been sorry, we've ALL been hurt...but HOW we survive, is what makes us who we a-are~!" - Rise Against, "Survive".
It's six o'clock at night. The weather's finally turned slightly crisp, a tad on the chilly, and this ability to see my breath ever-so-slightly as I breathe brings my memories back to a different place...always, in this weather, does my mind go back to Sacramento, or Sunnyvale, during the times when great cold was constant, and we were poorer than we are even now. When the *true* definition of "the struggle" was performed, and the whinging of today's impoverished is scoffed at briefly by those who went through the worst with me...those who allow themselves to remember, anyhow.
Matt is nearby, taking away my book. Eric Bischoff's "Controversy Creates Ca$h" on the grounds that neither he nor I are allowed to have nice things--God obviously decreed it so, we're still doing horrendously, both financially and spiritually. Our luck is never to our favor. But while I jest with him, my mind isn't fully here. I've consulted the Bischoff since my last journal entry didn't fare so well, and had been trying to find a way to bring myself out of the gutter I'd managed to find myself in...or shoved in, more like. And then, moments before Matt entered...there it was. And that's where mind was, even as I offer Matt a gold-plated Pikachu card thingy from Burger King back in the 90s as incentive to get my Bischoff back, joking still.
Mere moments before, I had taken the time to let the world know that I was finding it hard to feel good, 'cuz each time I'm up there, I knew I was gonna fall. And my friend, Anna Warren, responds simply, "I used to feel like that. Then someone I dated told me how he forced himself to not live in the future. He's less disappointed in life now." Like a lot of the advice I've gotten these last two weeks, I nodded...considered it, and took it for the attempt to cheer me up--as it is just that. Then...the sense of it slowly builds. I start piecing it together with the advice given previously from Zeke and Chris and Mitch, or from Derek, or Jesse, or Sloan, or Sarah, or Raph...this was the missing puzzle piece, this made it all work. Had I been so blind?
And then right after that, James came home, and we went to Brian's to watch Gurren Lagann.
For the first time. Witnessing Kamina. For the first. Time.
Now, I'm a weird guy, in terms of where I find my happiness. Success, to me, isn't measured by clothing lines, cars, girls, or cash. It's in helping people. Roots in the community, see? And what bothers an Akero most (that's me), more than damn near anything in this universe, is the inability to help...to be useless. When I'm in the pits, when my life seems...beyond repair? It's time to start helping others, and there's no better place to start then in my very own place of living...the people around me. The impact of last night, from Anna to Kamina, hasn't even begun to drain from my hands. When I returned, I spent the evening telling a friend I was in their corner. They knew that already, but they needed to know more.
They needed to stop being depressed.
Look at yourself. We could go on and on about believing in yourself like we did back here, you know..never giving up on yourself or your dreams, but you should know that by now. You gotta believe that you can make it! All manner of people were in seriously shitty situations before they made it big; Henry Ford, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Will Smith, Michael Jordan, Eric Bischoff--Hell, even William Shatner had roaches climbing his apartment walls! Success doesn't always come instantaneously; just make sure you always step in the right direction, and expect things to go slow--"give it a second! It's going to space!!" hahaha. There's a reason all those quotes were thrown out about Rome not being built in a day! Here's a look at Eric Bischoff's life alone (since it's right here):
"... I was reluctant to leave the business. That decision took a significant financial toll on me and my family. My car was repossessed out of my driveway, and I fell four or five months behind on my house payments. My kids ate rice and beans and hot dogs. My wife worked nights as a waitress in a restaurant, but the money wasn't enough to keep us going. The reality of my situation came to me when we came home from visiting my parents one winter night, and the house was freezing cold. We were out of propane. And we weren't going to get any more, because we owed the propane company money. I had to heat our house with a couple of portable kerosene heaters. I needed a miracle."
And THIS is the guy who didn't really start his life 'til he was 26--everything before then was martial arts tournaments and partying. This is the guy who's one of the most legendary and successful businessmen in the world. He never graduated from college, he certainly didn't start out with any manner of money, and? He did it. His philosophy was to just make sure every step was in the right direction, and to do everything you can without abandoning your team.
...That's right, your team.
It's one thing to be morose over things you can't change that you may very well never see again. Things that...will never be in your decision to make, or your friends to help you make. Like losing a friend, that depresses you? No one can give that friendship back but that friend. So, it makes sense that it would depress you. But on the things you *can* change..? The things you can face another time should this time not work out? Yeah, maybe you don't see a way--but guarantee you, with a team? It works out. And that brings me harsh into the real meat of this journal entry. What I told this friend? I told her to stop it. An amazing depression? Absolutely, I been there--Hell, I am there. We all know it's hard to get out of those. Especially when you turn around and see that so many are in it this month.
Seriously, these last thirty days have been extremely bullshit for couples everywhere. From Chris (Gyro's Chris; not Harris, or Steinwinder, or Bennett) having his girl leave him over the most simple-minded nonsense crap, and many in between, all the way to my boy Scott getting it all thrown away from the girl'a his dreams! Dude finally found the woman he could love forever..his best friend for years, right? And then, just when she was about to come out here to California like they'd planned, she changed her fuckin' mind! Last-minute like and shit! Decided she couldn't leave her family and life behind in South Carolina. And then Scott, being the real man that he is, offered to go out to South Carolina instead--what the fuck does she do? She said she'd lose respect for him, ditching my family like that.
Like hold the fuck on, isn't Scott over 18 years old? Yes he fucking is. Isn't Scott capable of making his own decisions in life? Fuck yes, of course! Ain't his family very capable folk rich off their goofy asses? Yes, yes they are. What the fuck is THIS shit?? Most importantly of all, most importantly of all, doesn't the girl of your dreams take the front seat in terms of priorities, and all the rest of the world (much love to them all the same) take the back seat?? That's how me and Rahan used to tell it, and I still firmly believe it--yo, that girl in your life is your fucking team, man! That's your partner, every buddy-cop movie you ever seen shouldn't even be able to touch that!
That's some Kamina and Yoko shit right there, some Cordelia Naismith and Aral Vorkosigan team-up right there! That's how it should be!
Still scared things might not work out in the future? Get the fuck over it, there's always that risk, but that doesn't mean you drop the fuckin' shit all together--anything worth a shit in life takes a fuckin' risk, you should know that shit! "lose respect for you, ditching your family like tha--" THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!?! My fucking God! If Scott's family need him or some shit, they'll call him down! Naw man, that sounds like excuses to me, fear and some shit over the indeterminable. A friend of mine once said that, just because something's a song doesn't mean it's lyrics don't hold truth; someone believed that enough to write it. So straight from Freddie Mercury, "Remember: Love's stronger. Remember, Love conquers All".
And I do seriously believe that shit.
Like, it would be an honor for Scott to live near you lady, be with you, help you through life and be together with you! "Well I might not have time for him and so that'll be unfair to hi--" NO. It hurts him way, way more to just not be with him at all. Dude felt like someone had stabbed him all over my soul. Wanted to fucking die it hurt so much. Seriously, he's a big boy. He's got patience, and he don't need daily coddling. "It's long distance, so--" NO. You work that shit out. It brings me back to this conversation we were having about a month ago in the car, me and Zeke--this was during our time of hanging signs around the San José neighborhoods for Gyro's and shit, right? We're in the car--Rebecca's driving, Zeke to her right in the passenger seat as he always is, me in the back just listening in.
And we discuss how sometimes people that are angry say things they don't exactly mean (or don't exactly say right). It's why me, Chris, and Zeke take walks when pissed. And we discuss drugs, right? And stopping drugs no matter what, 'cuz that shit's bad for you and Zeke knows that first hand, from pot to otherwise--just none of that shit is very sound with him, and he's talking about his meetings he's had to see in his time where people are giving up and not working together and launches into this:
"It could always be worse. You know? You could be homeless, you could be in a car accident so bad that your dick gets blown off, or BOOM there goes your titties! It could be the end of the world--you could be the last people on the face of the Earth after some meteor crashes, and it could still always be worse--do you understand? You work together. Love is two people working together taking on whatever no matter what. When shit goes down, you know the person--and that's what's so cool about you, Walker--when things got hard, no matter how hard, you stuck to it, and you saw it through!"
Which I mean, that was real nice of him to say at the end there on me, but it's fuckin' true! You fucking stick together, man! Not just through the hard times, man especially through the hard fucking times!! You stick together, you communicate, and you work together, 'cuz here's the reality: Life isn't pretty. It doesn't fucking love you, and it isn't here to be fair. No matter what you give up thinking things will be easier, it won't be. It'll just get worse, and it'll just get harder, 'cuz that's what Life was created to do--to test you, do you understand? It's forced evolution. Every thing you conquer, there will always be another thing.
Peace isn't the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with those problems when they happen calmly or, at the very least, confidently. With a team? You can do that. But, what's important is that you have a *team*. Like I've told Jasmine that I'm in her corner and to depend on me when the hard times hit--run to me when you need me! I'll never leave. Am I saying this for an angle? Fuck no, I know I'm likely not getting shit in this. That's not the point. People sometimes say they got me all figured out as if that's something special haha, it ain't hard! I put my soul to bare for the world to see, it's all in the light, and it's all about giving my last dime to see that good people are helped. Look at the friends you got now. Can they say that? Will they say things to make you happy?
Will they say things that're true to help you regardless of whether it makes you happy or not..? Will they kiss your head when you do right, and kick your ass when you do wrong? If so, that's the kinda friends you want in your corner. Not assholes with alternative motives. "But they do this for me--" no one asked that. You're better then relying on scum, right? So depend on me! Depend on friends! Depend on your team. Doesn't have to be more than one, doesn't have to be limited to just one either. Kid Rock said it right:
"It's a matter of salvation from them patience up above,
So don't give up so damn easy on the one you love, one you love!
Somewhere you got a brother, sister, friend, grandmother, niece or nephew
Just dying to be with you..
You know there's someone out there who unconditionally, religiously, loves you
So just hold on 'cuz you know it's true!
And if you can take the pain
Then you can withstand anything,
And one day stand hand in hand with the truth!" - Kid Rock, "Amen".
Indeed. Exactly. There's someone out there, someone for each and every one of you. It's not necessarily romantic (it could be?). It's not necessarily family (it could be?). But it's someone, damn it--so partner it up! I know some'a you cats got that huge independent-streak, "Gotta do shit by my lonely Walker 'cuz rigmarole and jibbajabba nonsense", but...you don't. Believe me, no one had the independence more than Walker once upon a time--well...almost no one as big as his, lately even that's been capped, but the point is: People want to help you. They want to help you because they care about you--to deny them the ability to lend a hand? Makes 'em feel useless. Then you're worse off 'cuz you ain't got the backup, and they're worse off 'cuz they're rendered to the sidelines.
Lemme give an example of some simple teamwork I've seen recently make shit all the better. Here I am at the Gyro's, and I remember asking on training day, "How do you want me to scare these people?"...'cuz I know two ways to scare folk. Be big and imposing (comes naturally), or shake 'em 'til miracles come out. Or be really, really silent and just stand behind them haha (scared Matt and his mom like that many-a-times XD) so I guess that's three, but I mean...it didn't seem like that's all they wanted. And Zergog's like, "just scare them in ways that scare you, without touching them." ...How I get scared? Losing my girl? Tell people they might lose their girlfriend, that's what you want me to do? 'Cuz not a whole lot else gives me a scare. Oh wait, IRS? IRS could be frightening..oh! Telling me I'm behind a few weeks on rent? That shit put a scare in us.
Remember when we was getting sued, James? And I had to call down Angels to help?
Yeah, good times. Point is, I don't get scared by the traditional shit. Cautious step, startled by a suddenness, but never scream-run-run kinda shit, I usually just strike at shit that seem suddenly dangerous (as Alex found out haha!) So Rebecca gave me some tips on how to scare folk the way they wanted, and we go to it--I'm in my corner, standing, waiting for someone to pass by, and then I'm jumpin' out and givin' the roar, and sure enough people are startled and I go back into my hidey-hole. But...as you work here, you begin to realize a certain chemistry. What makes this shit work isn't being big or menacing, it's teamwork and knowing where to strike. Now-a-days I don't stand, I sit. My ears wait for Alex's cry that scares people from his corner--he's a spider guy in black, and since he's also black, he just blends into that darkness.
They SHRIEK and come shuffling into the corridor to get away from that, and BOOM there I am! They're running away, and man I chase after! Poundin' them walls above their head, mere inches from their fleeing bodies, they're collapsing over each other, paying attention to me, pinning themselves against the wall and--while all that's going on, BOOM, there's Gabe in the next room I just chased them into, right next to them, they're absolutely not expecting him their terror's so on me, and it just completely drives it over the top. There's an energy, and it's a play like that which makes me, Alex, and Gabe do a fuckin' dance and grin. Even when they AREN'T so spooked to go running, tryin' to be tough or whatever, I'll still follow them. And they find it even creepier that I'll follow them anyway. And they watch me in case I got a new trick.
...Right into Gabe. We're supposed to scare 65% of our customers. I say we scare more like 95%. And the rest I'd say are jarred and acting up.
See that shit?? That's fuckin' teamwork. Our network grew from there to include Oliee and James (Gyro's James, not Erickson or Major) and we get a five-man nonstop shriek fest just converging on them, way, way, waaaay better then any one of us could produce. And that is fucking team work. Sure you can get the job done alone, Hell maybe even with flying colors, maybe you're a one-man army...right? But a team of one-man armies would be even more unstoppable. So rely on your partner, rely on your team mate, rely on those who want to help you 'cuz that's what teams do. They WANT to help, and your alone shit just might not cut it! It's someone to fall back on if your independence streak fails, and if shit looks bleak? Just fucking tough it out for a while you big pansey--it'll work out. You got people in your corner.
Even fuckin' Mr. T has partners and team-mates.
*Could* you do it your own? Sure, maybe. Probably, even! But why not get it done quicker, and funner? Not like you won't do the same for him or her right? Right! Teamwork, with a team of friends, makes you unbeatable...even if the team-up is just two. So grab your Ken Masters, your Rally Vincent, and get your shit together--and don't expect it done over night! Nothing fuckin' worth while happened over night, right? Even if it seems sudden, it built itself up. An inclining, an obsession, an infatuation. It doesn't usually ever just come in through the wall like the fuckin' Kool-Aid man, right? And if it does ... Damn, to quote Sean, "Must be nice". The world could be at it's worst, indeed my life is worse now than it's been in so many years...but you know what?
I got my team. I got so many I can go to, and they can come to me. We'll make it.
"When we built these dreams on sand,
How they all slipped through our hands,
This might be our only chance...
Let's take this one day at a time!
I'll hold your hand if you hold mine.
The time that we kill keeps us alive." - Rise Against, "Rumors of My Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated"
I mean, do you understand?? Does this shit ring clear to you, or are you still spinning on that fucking doubt you keep to your chest! This ain't for the cats that know better on team work--Hell the BSG know alla 'bout that team work! This is for the cats sitting there festering in their fear that shit ain't gonna fuckin' work out, that they gotta do shit alone, people I've spent hours and shit trying to tell through the e-mails and through the words of advice, don't you fucking give up! I fucking mean that shit, you stick to your guns, if not for you--for your boys! Fuck selfishness, that goofy shit is for jabronis and two-bit pseudo-thugs, the bitch-ass chumps that'd gladly shank you in the back without a moment's notice--why emulate that motherfucking crap??
God fucking DAMN am I done with this shit--if you're on that manner of thinking? Then fuck that, and fuck you, I'm outta here to slam with my brothers and sisters and take back this fucking world, one way or a fuckin' 'nother! Can I getta witness??
Real Updates Next Week,
Walker Pennington.
~John McClane Sez~
Al: Hey, I'm right here partner. Well, what is it about?
John McClane: Oh, just a feeling I have.
Al: Ouch. When you get those feelings, the insurance companies start to get bankrupt.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Kid Rock - Amen
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
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8:20 pm - ~When It Rains ... ~
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Last night was, without a doubt, one of the best nights I've had in...well, it's been a long time. Not since the last time it rained had I smiled so much, under some fantastic trees I intend to go sit under again with this kind of weather. Not since Metrocon had I felt such comradeship, not since I left Sacramento the first time had I felt so much love from so many different people at once, all just standing around the ten of us, the eleven of us, having a time just...to chill, tell stories, and have good clean fun. It was absolutely tremendous to see everyone again, a west-coast BSG reunion and then some, and here's how it went:
One of my best friends this whole world's tossed my way is a man named Sean Terrill, from ol' Sacramento area, and my bro here has had the cancer in his past already. For some reason, that didn't stop him from smoking the cigarettes like he ought to! But anyway, we used to jam to all manner of shenanigans, from D&Din' it up to nWoin' down the streets to the Denny's. We called him #2 'cuz he'd decided to become Walker #2 (I'm #1), and become the replacement Walker should anything happen to me. Him and Jake were the last two people I saw before leaving Sacramento for Florida, and the only time I'd seen him since was at the New Years party at Jamie's.
So, ever since I got back to California I'd been intending to go up to Sacramento and see him, or him come down and see me. He was gonna grab like Jake and Kurtis and make a run down here with Penny, but Penny broke proper so...we just weren't sure. And then, I got this e-mail...and it got serious:
"me and kurtis have the most drain, but dont show it... we miss you, even if not for dnd, but for sunday monopoly, or for random hey lets go to the walks house and go walkin around places ext.
i got some bad news from my doctor last week...
my blood count came back high....WAY high
they did a CT and as a first consult they think it might be small cell carcinoma(lung cancer)
funny enough he said smoking contributes but its most apparent in stong muscled (like lungs and heart, not like arms and abs) individuals who dont work them out.
i work out but i dont go jogging to help expand my lungs and shit. so they think thats what it is.
if it is, they said its in stage 0 at the very worst, which is a short outpatient opperation, and 2 days of chemo, nothing super scary, not even a tumor, but small cell is the most aggressive.
leukemia is not very aggressive, but i had a HUGE tumor and it only took a month, if its small cell, i could jump from stage 0 to stage 4 (massive tumor and spreading to other organs) in a few weeks!
so im making sure im getting that looked into and such, now that ive written a walker essay i do feel i should hit the Z.Z.Z. Mother Fucker! bed."
Damn, the hardcore worry. I hate hearin' on my people bein' that kinda ill, and I knew I had to go see Sean as soon as we were able. What's even more, I hate hearing my people in trouble or in troubled times, and I can't do anything to help. An Akero hates being useless. The theory was we'd go just after Gyro's 'cuz that's when we'd suddenly have a ton of free time, Zeke'd have his license back, and the little bit of cash it'd take to make the day worth it--some pizza, some whiskey, you know. Old crew finally hangin' out reminiscin' of the times we kick that ass. You know, BSG reunion--#2, Jake, Kurtis, and whoever else wants to come along when me and Zeke go down there. Only...then, a few days later, we got this:
"you need to come up, this weekend or next... we need you....i need you more than most... especially right now, any way you can get zeke to drive? im sure we all can pool together like 40$ for gas."
So, feeling the urgency, me and Zeke told him we'd be there, Monday. I'm not sure if Rebecca wanted to come, but without Zeke having a license, she more or less had to and agreed to drive us. Last night. Coming back from no sleep (working While he'd have preferred me on the weekend just because it would be AFTER his being blasted with radiation to take care of the cancer his doctors now have no idea what it exactly is, it was to me imperative we get there as soon as possible...and weekends we worked. So, we set the date for Monday, and I tried to see if anyone else wanted to jam on down for the task...and by everyone, I meant Jasmine and Matt haha--both who declined to..I'm not sure. And then--I had an idea. I hadn't met Sarah yet...why not now?
Sarah Bronson is someone I met through....I don't even know! At some point I saw her page, I think I was looking for Sarah Cowles, and there was Firefly on it and Helluva other stuff there that I'm into, so I said I thought her page was awesome, so I said as much, and she 'friended me, and...I think...anyway not the point HOW it came about, point is, I moved to Florida damn near right after and we never actually got to meet despite being Sacramento-based folk. But we talk all the time, often just hucking around Firefly quotes and advice on Life and shit like that. Good times. Anyhow, as I hadn't been back to Sacramento since I left for Florida precisely one year ago..!..so, I asked, if she wanted to meet and hang out. And it was agreed.
So, my notion was to keep it simple--'cuz I wasn't sure if #2 or Sarah wanted big crowds mullin' about. I'd head down when I got off of work (STILL having no sleep for over 24 hours by this point after working at Gyro's and PetSmart back to back) around 10am (I got off earlier, at 8) and then hang out with Sarah 'til she had to go, hit up #2 whenever it is he home from whatever he was doing, and then top it off by hangin' out with Jake at the end. And if these occurrences overlapped, all the better. Instead XD Sean tells the whole wide world (everyone on his MySpace anyway) using bulletins that I'm gonna arrive, and they got hyped! So, I let the Facebook world know I was coming too!
What ended up happening is that I called Zeke at 10 (hung out with Jasmine some before that), and he said he'd be right down. But Rebecca was tired and didn't wanna get up, so I ended up waiting...awake...for hours. Finally Zeke said they'd be there by 2pm and ended up arriving at 3pm. The ride down was slammin', and since no one else had come along, Zeke had me burn Limp Bizkit...all of it. So jammin' down to Sacramento straight *blaring* the LB, we felt alive! Been too long since I've had the music loud and immersing me. On the way, we tried calling the people that were on the list...I called #2, no answer. I called Sarah, left a message. I called Jake...his grandma hates me so she just said nothing and put the phone up to the TV 'til I left haha.
So...we decided the only thing left to do was go visit my old house in Sacramento and get some of my stuff that I left there! I'd told my brother not to touch any of it, so it should be all stacked neatly there in the garage right? And I could see my brother again.
...Well. Remember all that grass we put there? Gone. Remember my room I had? Gone. My brother took it over with Ashley, and they gave their room to Ashley's brother who is now ALSO homeless and living there. ...What the F? The place was more of a mess than ever, and the number of animals grew sharply, including two more dogs (one a Chihuahua, the other...I don't even know. Just large.) And my brother, MAN he got...large. Sideways. Uh...but his hair was long, that was innerestin'. We eventually to go get my stuff out of the garage, and there...were things, everywhere. Remember when we cleared out this nice path in there? Everything that was boxed, was boxed to the center? Gone. Wally would'a cried tears.
And my stuff? All knocked over, all on it's sides, all spilled out. Lord Jesus.
So, at least my brother (so far) hadn't taken all my things haha. He just put my table that Brian Randall built me outside in the rain. What the fuck, is nothing sacred anymore?...damn I should'a known better. Anyhow, we spent about an hour and some change just scooping aside things and trying to dig through the madness to eventually, EVENTUALLY, collect what it is we came there for. We didn't get it all, but I got the Highlander series, so I'll happily show that to Matt when I get the chance...and any else who wants to scope it out. In the meantime, we'd continued calling around, and eventually learned from Sean's mom that #2 had gone to Bobby's house!...well, Hell yeah! That's right down the road. Away we go.
When we get there, Bobby and Sean have already moved on back to Sean's house...so, we get in the car, and we try to catch them walking--and we do (with Zeke making a police siren sound at him XD), and it turns into a big hug-fest for real haha. Then we decide we should up the anté since some crew is gathered, and get the rest. We start it off righteous by goin' to go get Kurtis and his girlfriend Nessa, and head there...only to find she's stormed off somewhere (to Safeway). Well alright, we'll go find her. And we did, but no Kurtis with her so I went to calling him (his ass is in Orangevale) and during it, Sarah calls back! Yeah, things are starting to pull together.
Denny's is what I'm thinkin', so I tell Sarah to meet us there while we drop Nessa off (since she can't hang out due to...homework?) and go get Jon. When I get there (or AS I get there), everyone's looking at Mountain Mike's as a better option. It's closer, and we all been cravin' the Mike's for a long time now. So, we ask Jon if he can spare the cash (thanks so much, Jon!!) since we have YET to get paid by that puddle of piss down at Gyro's (whoever's holdin' back our cash, or even THOUGHT about reducing it to only $100...) and then call Sarah back so we can lead her to the Mike's in question to meet everyone. We take off in the jeep after droppin' half the cast off at Mike's, and (with a beer stop on the way) make it to Denny's to meet Sarah there and lead her back to everyone else.
Sarah was a very, very awesome person to meet, and I was surprised at her tolerance for dealin' with so many people. Not only was she meeting my loud ass (albeit dropped down from my voice being half-stolen from Gyro's screaming) and #2 and Zeke (all loud folk!), but also Bobby and Jon on the side (and later Nessa decided to come back haha). I figured our geek talk would drive her over the edge (D&D, Firefly, Cellphones, WoW, old video games, Cordova/Sacramento's ghettoness and the things we used to do as little thuglettes versus why Santa Clara's better...you name it) but she fit right in! Not only did she keep up, but she did all that stuff too ("Didn't I tell you? These are MY PEOPLE!" she said haha), so I'm glad we didn't scare her off any and she dug everyone!
Seriously, Sarah, thanks for joining us! Don't forget you kick ass.
Once we finished at Mountain Mike's, we set out to do away with the beer we had. We didn't have a person's house we could just...hang out in and be rowdy, so we decided in front of my house like old times (when me, Zeke, and Kurtis drank beers back in the day) was good enough. Once more we split up into teams; Zeke took Rebecca and Nessa to go get Kurtis. Me and #2 went in Sarah's car to go show Sarah the way to my house. Bobby and Jon walked it because there were no more cars. ...I feel really bad on that, can't wait 'til I have a car. The next big goal. Since we were going with Sarah the direct route, we got there first. My brother was there, and I spent time saying hi to my mom while #2 talked with Sarah and my brother hucked his football around with his future brother in law.
As I came back out, Jon and Bobby had arrived and we went and jibba-jabbed 'til the rest of the crew showed up ("Nessa took me to Oregon to pick up Kurtis!!" - Zeke XD)and suddenly...there were all these people here. Ten strong, counting my little brother, and we just all started bullshitting about this and that--it was amazing. Like, everyone immersed in conversation like this was a thing we always did, like we'd all--all--been friends for years and years, and this was our Friday night routine. It was great, and it wasn't even done yet. Jacob FINALLY gives us a call back, and I'm like "get your ass down here to my mom's house! We got beer and homies!" hahaha soon as he heard Zeke and #2 were chillin' the most, he grabbed his girl Heather and headed over.
Once they arrived, we were now 11 strong (my brother went back inside), and again Jake comes in, and we all just...start talking. No catching on corners, no awkward "don't quite know" silences created from time or people not met, it just launches right back into bullshitting and good times without a pause, all manner of topics covered--I couldn't even begin to list them all. Haunted houses, video games, movies, AR Campaigns, cop stories, and we even get on back to my Samoan story 'cuz Sarah hadn't heard it before, and Zeke had been explaining to everyone else that he actually SAW this Samoan cat in the courts he went to being told to keep away from me. Small world, eh?? So, everyone got to hear the story again!...damn thing's a keeper, we all had laughs.
Finally, however...Rebecca wasn't feeling 100% even at the beginning, and Zeke said it was prolly best that we pack up our game and head out back to Sanny J. I really didn't want to, especially since Jacob and Kurtis had JUST gotten there relatively close! But...man, she was done, and I guess it was time. But, we made up for it like this: we're having an encore return NEXT Monday! And this time, Jake's got a place we can hit! Hell yeah!! Smash Bros. tournaments, Street Fighter and MvC2 out the walls, whiskey, pizza, and most importantly of all? Bullshitting with the best of the best, BSG reunion and then some. I really, really can't wait.
And this lets me get a hold of all the people I didn't get to see this time around like Derek, Bryan, Dustin, Brent, G-Mile, David, Mason, DJ, and so on.
With that decided, and wanting to dodge that storm, we hugged and everyone split into groups again and drove off--the world was empty very suddenly, just us all over again like a massive, badass dream. A dream I needed. So everyone, thank you for the tremendous reception, every single moment of it was a complete blast, and I rediscovered some spark in myself by seeing some of the very best this world has to offer. The way home was more Bizkit blaring dodging the storm 'til we got back to Zeke's house. The days without sleep and shit ended up being so much that I didn't even go in to sleep, and I hope--truly--that #2 survives his radiation and lives this cancer off. I hope this wasn't my last chance.
The world is raining, and it makes me smile. I'm'a visit some trees soon and sit.
Got treated like a chump as an older man,
Mixin' rock with the funk as an older man!
Learned what a girl was as an older man,
Now I know how to love as an older man!
But I'm still a big kid as an older man,
And I'd much rather give as an older man!
Still I'm singin' in the rain as an older man,
Ain't nothin' gonna change as an older man...
PS: I found Shaun and Emily here on Facebook!! My old room mates from 2002! Badass!
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
~John McClane Sez~
John McClane: Hey, can you pick locks?
Zeus: Is this one of those black things again?
current mood:  untouchable branded unfuckable
current music: Limp Bizkit - When It Rains
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 11th, 2009
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3:15 pm - ~I'm Exhausted, Barely Breathin', Holdin' On To What I Believe In!~
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The quick updates on my life! Lotsa questions e-mailed my way, so I'm'a answer 'em. First off, where I been? The work! Last we left off, I was to start work last Wednesday at PetSmart, and then the very next day start my gig as Stryker; Wrongly accused serial killer, Stryker, put to death in an electric chair, comes back to life seeking vengeance. Keep in mind, I didn't even *go* to the interview for this job and they *still* called me and hired me in. That's how good I guess I am at this concept: tall and creepy. Totally, you guys should come check us out--Gyro's for the scares, PetSmart for the pet stuff haha! Anyway, lemme go into details of both, starting with Gyro's:
The job's pretty easy, all things considered. The training day (the only training day) was pretty bullshit...we stood around hours waiting for the guy to shut his jabroni mouth so we could go and get makeup on us. Why were we dressing up? No one knows. No customers. But the notion was that we'd come here, and we'd get shown a tour of the house and where we'd be and what we should do to scare the people that come through it. We should have been done at 7 or 8pm...maybe *9pm* at the worst. ...We got to go home at midnight. We didn't even get to the damn tour (for whatever reason no one knows) 'til 9pm, and then we stood there in our "spot"...in the freezing-ass cold...for something like two hours.
Now, I get it that this is supposed to be part of the job. Stand in a spot, for hours. And scare folk. ...Only, there were no folk. It was just silence and standing. Not allowed to communicate to the next room over, not nothing. We did anyway eventually, and several damn near walked clear off the set for that shit. I know me and Zeke wanted to--but we need the money something fierce, so we shut our mouths and dealt and finally got to home! I met many cats there, some of them really cool...my personal team is Gabe and Alex, they're the rooms before and after me, and for this I consider them my crew--well, that and Zeke and Rebecca obviously. I met cool people like Eddie, like Oli, like Sabrina, etc etc...cool cats all around. Well, some.
There were several moments on that training day that I wasn't even sure this is what I wanted to do. I was confused about what was going on, the communication was crap...it was just all bad. And this wasn't my first time being indecisive about this job--all the while leading up to it, I wasn't sure this was something I wanted to do, for many of the same reasons (and I didn't like how Zergog or whatever treated Matt). The reason I went to go get this job, however, was more important. When this shit's over I'm getting something close to a $1,000 right? I figured...after rent to Jim, I'll throw that shit down to a car for a friend of mine. Or, more likely, I'd get a car for myself she could use 'til she has the cash to afford the car off the lot that she wanted.
...Too little, and much too late, I guess. She got her own through her mom, and with the car she hardly needs mine. ...Or me, come to think about it. Huh. Anyhow, that was the goal. Now? Dunno.
Then came the first day! Whoo! And what's best is that PetSmart was right after. We got into better makeup, faster than before, and were out in the hiding spots by 7ish. And boy, we scared the shit off those kids--and it was even *better* the next time around! Aw man, we've roared our voices raw, and we've had all manner of things delivered to us for scaring them. Some person peed their pants, a girl curled into a ball on the floor and sobbed, I scared folk so bad they tripped over themselves and *all four* fell into the wall (damn near broke that sumbitch too)...Hell, I even got a *knife* pulled on me! No lie! All without touching them. Crazy jabroni should know better right? You're not scaring me with that--that'd be assuming I actually treasure my life at this time and want to live, and I don't hahaha...O Lawdy...
Anyhow, it's a bit tiring. I hate that mask. It's a lot of running around back and forth down that hallway. It's a lot of waiting around sometimes, too. But, it's a job that's a Hell of a lot more fun than I expected it to be. The only major hardship is then, immediately, going to PetSmart. What a different environment...change from black hammerpants (read: windbreakers) to khakis, and gogogo. PetSmart is...it's cool. It's not my preferred job, but I'm right alongside Dustin in thinking it's good enough. The hours are shit, and while I love picking up things and hucking them around (I think I terrified folk when I picked up four 40 pound bags of cat litter at once and carried it off), the sheer *variety* of food (especially canned cat food) is alarming and irritating as all Hell haha. It'll all be about memorizing.
I got to meet some cool people there, too--the trainer is a nice older fella that looks like Ridgway if adding on about 25 years, and funny enough his name's Jim. And there's Joe and Elias, both happening guys I've enjoyed jibbajabbin' with, and I briefly met John and Fern, and...yeah. Peter's an interesting house manager. ...Interesting, is the best word for it. I don't think he's got what it takes to be a manager--as we all know, I rate every boss I ever had on the Dan Frausto scale, 'cuz he was the best of the best in my opinion. I've fought with the idea of going back to the Drive-Ins ever since I've come here, Hell even before that--it'd bury me, but sometimes I wonder if it'd be worth it. I dunno tho, without Cody and Larry there, it just might not be. I miss those days.
Last but not least, questions on me being single and the lack of information in the last journal entry...yeah, I don't know why I'm single. I won't talk about her in any specifics, but I can tell you I never got a reason why. You'd figure, no matter what, we'll work it out? Mm. All in vain maybe. I don't know about that. Since then, there've been people asking me out or trying to hook me up with this and that--gonna say it clearly, there's only the one girl I want. So stop. Why did it go south? Why the very sudden turnaround? Got me. Heard some reasons, but none were ever really a why. Maybe I dropped the ball...hey, I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time? But that *does* remind me of when Will Smith said that line in the Hitch movie...and his other big line:
"Basic Principles: No woman wakes up saying 'God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!' Now, she might say 'This is a really bad time for me,' or something like 'I just need some space,' or my personal favorite 'I'm really into my career right now.' You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cuz she's *lying* to you, that's why. You understand me? *Lying!* It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is 'Uh, get away from me now,' or possibly 'Try harder, stupid,' but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say?"
Hahaha, oh Will...anyway. The point is, I'm committed. Whatever it is that made her decide to take the little game of love, fold it back up, and put it back in the box? Hopefully she'll figure it out, and work through it. And maybe then, she'll see me as an option, and I'll be there waitin'. 'Cuz I'm *damn sure* better then the 90% of the competition out there, guaran-damn-teed, right? Right. Dignity, integrity, honor and...'til then, I will sit on the bench at the Zekesters alone. I will journey to the trees, and sit there also alone. I will walk to the Valley Fairs alone, I will hold my own hand, and I will be strong. Why? 'Cuz I'm Walker Pennington, I should be used to this now, and it's no sense in doing anything less but bein' the best. 'Til she's ready. Alone. ::RKO Pose!::
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
~John McClane Sez~
Grant: You're the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.
John McClane: Story of my life.
current mood:  amazing
current music: Kanye West and Young Jeezy - Amazing.
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| Monday, October 5th, 2009
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1:01 pm - ~End of the Road..?~
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It's been too, too long since we've had us an update. Yeah, I've posted several times before, but they've all been philosophizing about rights and wrongs while I hold back some of the biggest updates in my time...waiting for them to become official, and well...I guess in a manner, they're exactly that now. Before I left for Florida, I took some time out to talk to God (a la Fiddler on the Roof) and I asked him that maybe he could help me out...this time, since I'd never gotten a decent chance at them, could I get a decent job, move in to a decent place, and be in a relationship worth my love? So since August 2009 of my getting here, this is two long months to wrap up, and we'll summarize them all in exuberance! So without further ado...The Pennington Sagas (as Zeke called it) continues ever-forward on one of it's final issues:
~Track One - The Job Search~
First, the job side of things. Within 20 days of our arrival here in Sanny J, me and Matt were officially employed, and were proud sellers of the fantastic Kirby model of vacuum cleaner. This is that door-to-door stuff you heard about back in the day, but bought out by a new company, the typical heavy-handed door-to-door tactics are extraordinarily frowned upon by the management of the current regime...or so we had been told upon our hire. But anyway, our job wasn't to set up the appointments or convince people to hear us out. Our job was to go to the appointments already scheduled by interested parties!
It's what they call a "warm sale", meaning they're already interested in how it performs (or might just want their stuff shampooed for free--more on that later).
We get this job when Derek comes on down for a visit. It had been about two years or so since last I saw the guy, and he was talkin' about swingin' down into the area and hangin' out! Derek's a cool motherfucker, always had my back, and I was glad he came down, 'cuz even if the time was short, it rocked the house. With Matt and Chris in tow, we showed Derek to the world of San José, and the Bay Area as a whole. We took him down to Dave & Busters, and enjoyed many-a-stories along the way! He got to meet Chris, James, Matt, and of course Jasmine, and I think he got to have some good, clean fun. I really hope to see him again soon, and with the previously-mentioned new job pay him back for the meal he got all of us.
Anyway, while he was here we got the call from Rebecca (Zeke's girlfriend Rebecca, not Oakland-based Rebecca) who'd been lookin' for work herself. She tells me that she found a job at a place I couldn't quite hear well over the phone, but I hear $2,000 a month and "they train you". I thought I heard "Kirby's", but it was hard to say. Turns out I was right! Derek was worried about their practices, for sure, and to be fair I went over how they've been in the past...and it wasn't so hot. But, reassured by Rebecca getting the story on their new ownership, and indeed talking to the manager of us Mr. Corey Burke, I saw that this company--or my wing of it, anyhow--is as honest as ever.
Kirby is here to sell a product. It's superior in the market to anything sold in stores...and it's been shown, he's got all manner of vacuums old and new to contrast with, and has shown us numerous tests, this Corey, and his boss Sean O'Riley. Extremely charismatic, and with me and Matt brought in with Rebecca, I thought we'd be one of his number one guys. (Some of the rest just seem like Jabronis, not to speak ill of the co-workers in training.) When we're brought in, it's the shortest interview I've ever had--just explained how it works, liked how we presented ourselves, and we were hired like that. Let me explain to you how this works as it was explained to me and Matt:
We get a guaranteed $2,000 a month if we do 60 appointments. Period. Multiple times they tell us they have no quotas. Less than 60 means less than $2,000. We attempt to sell vacuum cleaners to people already interested, and each vacuum is like...$300 for us. Not to mention bonuses on other things we can do. We get that money at the end of the week, no matter how much we make...$300, 3,000, whatever. Now, if at the end of the month we didn't make $2,000 total the whole month? They give us, give us, the rest so it will be $2,000 that month in total. So, if I only sell the one vacuum and get the $300, and I sell no others, then by the end of the month they will give me $1,700 to make up the difference!
Always $2,000, or more. Now, the more is if we sell more then that...if we make more than $2,000 for us that week, we get to keep it. If I sell three vacuums a week, four weeks total? That's $3,600 for me. I get to keep that $3,600, and they don't pay me anything. We work from 10am to 9pm.
Ain't that fucking solid?? It's real easy, you go in and you show a product to someone--this badass product. The end result is, it's going to be better than their vacuum, there isn't a question of that. Now, it's convincing them it's worth the buy, and these cats are already interested in the machine to begin with! Not only does it suck up dirt and stuff a million times better, but it transforms into four different kinds of vacuums, into a leaf blower, a plunger, a computer air-sprayer, a ballpump, and more. Like, this vacuum doesn't fuck around, and it's made out of metal with two fans (NASA-designed), so fuck if it's gonna break down on you ever. (they say 30 to 50 years.)
The downsides to this job? Well, first off we offer them to shampoo one of their rooms. The Kirby is also a shampooer now. So maybe they just want the free shampoo. The second part is, the presentation takes about an hour and a half--no joke. I guess not only to show off all the wicked shit this beast can do (often making them involved in it), but it seriously convinces them of how cool it is, shows the price ($2,200) is worth it 'cuz they'll never have to replace the fucking thing and carpet replacement will be dramatically reduced and so on, but also makes sure that they if they're gonna get that free shampoo, they're gonna earn the son of a bitch. The whole pitch is full of interesting facts, and you'd be surprised some of the shit you learn.
Anyhow...eventually, training ends. Our first day...it rolls around. We're on the ready. We get there, and are introduced to the cats that will drive us around the city to these appointments. We have a good opening ceremony, they do a silly chant, everyone's ready in high spirits, we get bags packed up with itemry, which takes forever, split into teams, etc etc...the guys we get dropped with (and the three of us have to stick together 'cuz we all take Rebecca's car back home when we're dropped off at the office) are named Mario (who vaguely resembles Wesley from Angel with the mannerisms of Matt's stepdad), and his team: Aimi, José, Maria..uh..I don't remember everyone, anyway. Team, seemingly cool cats. Go.
When we get into our van after a good after of sorting through the newbies and their packs, we drive to a local gas station (this isn't the "lunch" I was told we'd get, but whatever, here for snacks). At first, it looks good--we're being bought sodas, they're so damn confident in our ability to do this. Then they start telling us about the fact that we could go kinda far, or very far...so we chose close, 'cuz hey. And funny thing is, it ends up being right next to--right, next, to--our very own apartment. So, we just lol'd at that, told them it was our neighborhood. He was a little astonished, that Mario. Didn't seem so happy about it either, something about how he didn't want us just walking off. We wondered why that'd matter?
...And then the changes began. I thought it weird that their knocker (Aimi) was int he car with us; her whole purpose is to get us the appointments, so she cold sales. I always thought they'd go out and get the appointments, and then the next day we'd go out and fulfill them and we'd just rotated around like that. Naw.
So I figured, she goes and gets us an appointment and then that day we go fulfill it. ...Wait, why are they passing us flyers? Ahhhhahaha. Turns out, everything so far is ...True? Sort of? But, also, this withheld. Yes, we don't *have* to go and do anything but wait in the van. But everyone else...they were gonna go out and cold sale as well. It was pretty much expected, and they'd drag their feet if we refused to right? Like, frown. Serious. Why? Because, in order to do 60 appointments a month, we need to get three appointments a day, five days; if we didn't knock ourselves in, we weren't going to make those three guaranteed to us. They sure as Hell couldn't.
Hell I knocked myself into the ones I did, 'cuz I felt bad and participated. No one else. Which was apparently unheard of that someone get their own appointment on their first time out. So...I mean, knocking myself in? I got two this day. And I was considered doing WELL?? Hoollllly shit! I'll NEVER make 60 by this rate! Then more surprises. Turns out, for instance, sure we stop at 9pm like the Corey said. ...Unfortunately, this means we stop knocking. At 9pm. Different than going home at 9, if any one of us makes a knock and goes in at, say, 8:59? We gotta wait that cat out, every one of us, 'til he's done...or work it, if it's us.
Suddenly, we're not getting home quite right. Further, this door to door shit is a tad ridiculous. We're told not to stop pitching our product 'til we get six--count 'em, six--nos. I refused to do this bit, maybe that's why I got in? Dunno. Either way, Aimi's a pro at this 'cuz she's a girl with charisma to back her savvy, but...even still, we sucked. Going door to door, Matt got a knife pulled on him, threatened with dogs, chased down...good times. And he ended up just tearing up those knees he destroyed in that car accident years back. Matt? Was done. By the time it's done, laaaate at night, we ask to just be dropped off at our house since that shit's right there. Surely we do, and in we go.
Jasmine pulls me aside in her great concern, and tries to help me out. Says, she thinks they're bad news, playin' us right? But..naw. I like to think the best in people, my big flaw in life...and I figure, Corey and Sean wouldn't sell us short! Good guys, those two. We were told, specifically, that we didn't have to cold sale, and that we could just hang out in the car (Hell Corey made it sound that that was the norm!) and that we wouldn't mistreat The People. We signed a document that said we had zero, none, in the way of quotas. So, maybe this was just Mario, Mario was oldschool Kirby before the changeover, maybe....maybe. So, I put Jasmine's worries to rest, and off I went the next day. Alone. Matt was done too injured.
Rebecca was upset too, 'cuz she was told she could have time off to do Gyro's 4D horror house thing with Zeke, right? When he got out, that is. And Corey and Sean said that would be fine, she could leave half-days or something. ...Mario told her, no. That's not the case. None of that. So she had a bone to pick, too. I talked briefly to Corey when I could, "must we go door to door with the door-to-door peoples? Or can we wait in the van like you said?" And of course, Corey said sure--but, he couldn't guarantee us the 3 appointments a day that way, that we'd have to work weekends to ensure the full 60 days if things didn't work out. ...What? But it was time to go. A new quest, a new day.
This time, we went to Marina, California. Helluva far away. I walked without stop, knocked myself silly, got myself into a place where this dude thought all blacks and Jews (his exact beef with those two "factions") should be burned in the oven (seriously, what is with that lately??) and failed to sell him shit. Almost!...but wanted to be able to blow up his car tired with it. The fuck? And the next person at the end of the day, acted all manner of interested, had a bad spot in the closet he wanted done with the shampooer to demonstrate. Worked my ass off hucking that product, and then? Kicked out right after I finished the shampooing. He just wanted the free ride, fuck it if I didn't even get to count this appointment (which I didn't 'cuz my boss didn't get to certify I did my work).
Furthermore, due to being gone so long, and José there...he got in at like 8. He leaves at like...11:30. We don't hit that highway 'til like midnight. We don't get home 'til about 1am. Me, Aimi, Rebecca, and the others sans Mario and José are so extremely bored to tears in that car in the foggiest of cold, we're makin' farm-animal noises into a recording device for teehees and mixing it up. It wasn't cool. But what was more? Jasmine was upset...when I talked to her, she was worried for me. And so...she waited up, waited on the stairs, waited for me to come home. And we talked.
Jasmine tells me she's sure it's ridiculous scam shit. She hears what I say to Corey, and I say...I wanna check on something first, to see if I get paid something if I don't make those 60 days...right? No quotas? I figured it's $33 an appointment, that equates to $2,000 after 60. So...maybe less, just means less? But she sees it's raggin' me out, and she says she'd be disappointed in me if I went back...and that struck me. Not just because, I didn't want someone I tremendously respected to be disappointed in me, but 'cuz she cared so solidly, and I could tell--we could both tell--if I keep at this job, I'll barely see her. So no, fuck this job, even if it did work out...
I realized, then and there, it was no good for this reason, she's more important. ...More later.
So, still, I decide to check on this. Rebecca says she's gonna go in, but I'm pretty done and pissed today from all that..so I ask that Rebecca ask Sean or Corey about the money concept. Turns out, TURNS OUT...if you don't make all sixty of your appointments? You get nothing. 59 appointments, you say? Nothing. We done just did a buncha free advertising, if we don't make their scale or somehow make more than the $2,000 mark by sales! Holy fuck, that is a quota. They lied to me. I was really, really mad. I barely felt like I owed them anything--double checked with Chris Steinwinder just to be sure! But it was the weekend now, so I'd wait to go in with Rebecca to quit with her (because she was gonna quit hearing that too!)...had me a line ready and every:
"Now, I did a job. Got nothing but trouble since I did it ... so let me make this abundantly clear: I do the job..? And then I get *paid*." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds.
...Only, I never got to do this. Rebecca decided not to even bother, didn't feel like she owed them a thing after stringing us along like that, so..there went my ride in to tell them anything. We just...didn't show up, from that point on. Whatever. On the plus side? Got out of a bad situation. More time with Jasmine. Plus, interesting training skills on the side. But on the downside? That buzz on me getting more money then ever before, to be able to provide for my people more than ever, it was killed. If not for Jasmine and such, I'd'a been downright moved to prompt depressed. But nope! Good things would happen, and I was moved to happiness despite the bumps right? Well. On the job front, it was touch-and-go. James wanted me to go try the Drive-In again (no one would ever see me ever, you know!) but Chris and Matt told me no.
In the meantime, me and Matt filled out apps for Gyro's 4D that Rebecca pretty much runs. We didn't *exactly* wanna work at some haunted house, but whatever right? Money's money, even if it's seasonal. By now Zeke is out, and we had a blast seeing him again man, and the very next day or so we hit the place where the director is shooting rehearsals to see if anyone's worth it. We go, but Zeke refuses to do his out of disliking the guy, knowing he'll get hired for the same thing he does every year anyway. He does me first, and I...this guy? Not cool. And I feel ridiculous, but I perform. He says he might want me. Turns out, that was fibbing...he *really* wants me, he wants me to be the star of the show, some guy names Striker! ...What?
But Matt? The dude treats Matt like shit, 'cuz Matt don't know what he wants from the guy. Asks him all manner of questions never asked on me...possibly for the same reason as to why I never got knives pulled on me or threatened back at Kirby; I'm huge, don't test me. But Matt? Naw, he's naturally a nice guy and comes off as it. It's the Hawai'ian shirts, I'm tellin' ya. Anyhow, so treats him like crap 'cuz he's like "would you shake someone or touch them in any manner?" and Matt goes, "if that's what you want me to do, then sure?" and so, the guy says he can't use Matt. ...What? But!...What?? So, he comes back and tells me and Zeke, we call bullshit to Rebecca, and Rebecca goes to talk to him, reversing his decision.
Unfortunately, the show don't start 'til October, and we needed money now, now, now. Why? Well my main motivation, again, was Jasmine. I've lived in worse, Hell I lived the streets, but she's tryin' to do that college thing and needs her own space. We're stuffed into the low-income two bedroom apartment at the Cockroach Hotel. Me, Matt, Jasmine, all sleeping in the living room. She needs outta there, so that means we need to get our shit up and going. ...More on this later (again). I tried to get multiple places...people were hiring! Party City, Chevron, Peet's Coffee & Tea! ALL hiring! They had signs!
They had confident people inside, "Sure brothers we'll hire you!"...but to talk to the managers, they put us off. We'd go in, we'd call, daily, whatever. No still looking, whatever. Never got back to us. And believe me brothers and sisters, we filled out so many applications, Kenney said it best--we filled out enough documents to paint the Sahara with ink. And that's before we discuss the infinitely more irritating (albeit consistently more convenient) online applications that most jobs now send you to. Save the trees, go green! Also, we'll add in a MILLION questions to the application process, just to IRRITATE you!
"Do you think stealing from your boss is ok? Yes or no?" WHO SAYS YES?!?! NO ONE! Waste of time!
Finally, as of...a week and a half ago or so, one of the many online apps I filled out got back to me. A man named Peter from PetSmart, the same job Dustin Welton worked at. It turns out, putting Dustin's name as a reference on the application is what caught their notice--Dustin there is a stocker, and that's exactly what they needed in me! So they call, and they want me in. Hell the fuck yeah! I take my time, then and there, to call on Dustin and thank him for his name--even if he wasn't contacted, it was my shoe in the door. I had an interview to get to the next day, but tonight? It was relaxin' time, and what better way then to hang out with Dustin himself right??
That's right, by sheer coincidence, Dustin is actually *in* San Francisco, down from Sacramento for the day! Coincidence alone!...well, if you believe in such things. Obi-Wan would tell us there's no such things as luck. So I tell him, Hell, he should stop by, and he says he'll find out if it's even possible--'cuz he's with Tilly. Turns out, Tilly now works as a...the exact title evades me, but she's essentially a Union's Champion. Fights for people's rights in the job. And she goes to where the work is, which in this case is San Fran right now. Stays there all week, comes back up to sleep at her and Dustin's apartment that they share with Brent on the weekends. Well holy fuck, time flies! And Tilly's makin' bank!
And Dustin's here to visit her 'cuz they miss each other, like couples will do.
So, Tilly's down, and they head on over to us, meeting me and Jasmine on the lawn (good times). We four walk back, and Tilly's on the hungry and is craving Indian food. Well, Santa Clara's all about that, so I say I got a place she can go but no cash at the moment (all on Matt's card somewhere, and she offers to cover!...Not just me, but Matt and Jasmine too! Jasmine says she can't go 'cuz she's got Helluva homework to do, but the rest of us go. Then we come back with the alcohols, and...unfortunately, it turns out Jasmine's got schooling she *must* get done tomorrow. So the whole notion of Dustin and Tilly staying over? Turned out to not be the best time, but *damn* was it good to see Dustin again, and to hear their various tales also had been very interesting. I felt caught up on Sacramento for sure.
Then the next day, with Chris Steinwinder's help, we shot off to interviews. It went well, and I'd be called back after he looked at one more person, with words that I got 100% on the questions asked and that he was pretty sure I'd be the guy due to my size and determination to working even if it is from 4am to 9am. Damn good news. In the meantime, I helped out ol' Zeke makin' Gyro's signs and putting them around the city. The notion was that we'd make 300 signs, getting paid $1 for making 1 sign, and $1 for putting up 1 sign. We spent all night puttin' them down, 'fore comin' home and takin' ol' Jasmine back to the Zekester's house to hang out and for work in the morning...damn good times. ...More on this later (again).
Unfortunately for us, as with most of reality, no one actually likes me and anyone I hang out with 'til they finally drop me off haha. Whatever work we put into this? Undone by the next day. That's the theme of my return to California, work your ass off and ...Nothin'. Some jabroni, no doubt competition from the other haunted houses, went about following our fairly obvious routes and uprooted all our signs we put down Wolfe, El Camino, Steven's Creek, Tully, Keys, Monteray, Capitol Expressway....gone, all of 'em. Well fuck. We told the big guy Dan, Zeke's boss (funny that word Dan...not the Dan at the Capitol Drive-In, which I've circled by often this last month!...might go work there again, what else I got? More on that later. Still, wouldn't be the same without Cody or Larry there...)
But they haven't given me and Zeke our money, which we were gonna split down the middle like a boss. But unfortunately, either they don't believe we did the work or they're simply being too busy to respond, but..as Jayne said, "Only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay us our wage!" I also went back to PetSmart to go take a drug test at the local clinic, and just yesterday gone and helped Rebecca fix their wardrobe HQ, putting stuff on the racks like Jasmine does at Nordstrom's haha...only, Halloween-based! So many crappy costumes...anyhow. PetSmart called during that, and confirmed I'm on board. I start Wednesday at 4am (thought it was today!), so....Finally, The Walk has come back to employment!...it's only 10 hours a week (sometimes more if lucky), $9 an hour...but hey. Better than $0. Dan and the Drive-In, you're next on my to-call list. Fuck poverty.
~Track Two - The Home Search~
The initial lineup, if you recall, was that me and Matt (Darnell) would move down here with Jim and Matt (Ridgway) into a four-bedroom house. Then Ridgway was obviously not paying his dues (Jim's words), so we changed it to three bedrooms between me and Darnell and Ridgway. Then, Jasmine got introduced into the feature but we stuck to the three-bedroom plan 'cuz it was just fine for me and Jasmine 'cuz........well, more on this later. Still is good, as far as I know, but we ended up upgrading from there back to a four-bedroom scenario when Ridgway started the scenario of intending to huck in more cash, and that's where we stand now. It'll be me and Jasmine to one room, and everyone else in their's, and with the help of some good friends (Jarrod, Nate, etc), we're able to scrounge up enough to just slam down and get it.
...Now all we do is wait, 'cuz today we look at a place!
But that's not to say there weren't hardships. This has been a tremendously difficult situation for nearly everyone...it's compact, and a lack of communication nearly tore things asunder. I fought tooth and nail, and everyone knows why--and I'm damned glad it worked out. We didn't get the three bedroom at the oldschool Greenpointe Apartments (the ones me, Brian, Jim, and Peter stayed at back in the day circa 2006) the first time, and passed up on the second time the moment the notion of a four-bedroom came into play. Again. We lost out on our first four-bedroom gathering funding, the second was just...weird...and now we look at our third later today, should be fine. I can't express how much I'm thankful for the help of everyone that has, from Bender all the way to Jarrod. You guys are tremendous, and I'll pay you back ASAP.
Sorry it's been so shitty so far.
~Track Three - The Lo535jg..*static*.....*nWo music!*~
Hey, yo. Now, I'd already done a big chapter dedicated to this very important person, but...that person has since requested that it not be available to the masses, so it's been taken down...most importantly because I do not want to offend the most important person in my entire life. I'm in her corner, and that's all that needs be said anymore. So instead, we're gonna fill this space up with a diversion on similar concepts--the last great thesis, the last great act, the last great piece...written by Peter Molski on our feelings on love, you might hear me call him Rahan more like. Oldest friend I got by far, knows tons about me, and when he wrote this--it just sang our mutual beliefs. So, if you've never read it before...ladies and gentlemen, here we are, the Divine Pursuit of the One True Love!:
It is an acknowledgment that you are searching for the one person who is your absolute, 100% perfect companion. This person need not be "perfect", that's an impossibility. This person is simply the one who absolutely compliments your very being, and you absolutely compliment theirs.
Being a follower in said divine pursuit is not a religious affiliation It is simply an undeniable statement, that you are standing up for what you truly believe in.
There is such a thing as a one true love.
Being a "follower" is quite the literal thing. You are not required to pay tribute or tithe to any one god or goddess, nor to a pantheon of them. The only thing required of you is an honorable and just pursuit of your one true love.
You will not allow any minor obstacles get in your way. You are not Romeo, nor are you Juliet, and the world is not a tragedy. If two people are truly determined, and truly love one another? They can conquer all.
You will not debase or degrade yourself for the sake of "love". Anyone who requires such an action does not truly love you, and chances are they never will.
You will conduct yourself in a way becoming that of a truly honorable gentleman or lady. You will not resort to lies, deceit, or treachery to achieve your goal. What sort of message would you be sending to the one you love if you only show that you are willing to be deceptive to gain their hand?
If you are in direct competition with another being for the hand of your love, you will treat them with as much respect as you, yourself, deserve. If you truly believe you are the better, more suited person, then your own actions should speak for you and make the decision obvious. Spite and rage only make the decision against you easier. We may be reckless, we may make rash decisions, but above all, we are honorable. We are just. And we are infinitely more loving than the average human being. We are the followers in the divine pursuit of the One True Love, and under penalty of pain or death, we will not waver in our search.
True love conquers all.
If you at all agree with this, feel free to post it somewhere on your MySpace, with a simple credit to the author. I hope these words strike a chord, and that I'm not the only idiot on the Internet to think these things hold merit.
While the following is truly directed at solely one person... I would appreciate it if everyone told me this... if these words mean something at all to you, especially coming from me? Please, tell me. Let me know, in the greatest of detail, what you think.
Thank you, and good luck to all." - Peter Floros Mouzes Molski, RahanAkero@aol.com
So, that's the two-month wrap up in it's entirety. It's a lot to soak in, a lot to read, but if you don't see me around, or I ain't as chipper as most? Now you know the whys. It sucks the things you want in life don't actually happen sometimes, and I should be used to it, but don't worry on rumored suicidal tenancies...anyone who knows me knows I'm *way* too bitter to ever give up; can't let anyone who'd gladly enjoy my death and loss have their reward. Spite alone will spin me forward, as it always has. Depression? Yeah, I got it. I also eat e-thugs for breakfast, what else is new? The point is, I met the most amazing girl--like some sort of bad ass ninja RKO Princess! And she's amazing, and that's the best thing that's...ever happened to me. This is Walker Pennington signing off. PS: I ran out of Mr. T and Eric Bischoff quotes for the end of my journals, soooo...John McClane it is from now on! ('Til the next guy.)
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
John McClane Sez: "Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. Pat on the back, blah blah blah. 'Attaboy.' You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. [I do this] because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so *I'm* doing it. That's what makes you that guy."
current mood:  down another day
current music: Milestone - I Care About You
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| Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
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10:22 pm - ~Guaran-damn-tee: Shadow Dreams.~
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Another quick one, as I watch Matt play Zelda, as I watch Jim type it up, as I watch Jasmine sleep off her hard day...you know...sometimes, emotionally, we get spent. There's a scientific thing for it actually, the part of your brain responsible for hope is closely tied to your memories, and the ability to have hope draws from memories of good times through the use of these...serotonin. Anyway, it's all a buncha scientific mumbo-jumbo, but what it equates to is this: Everyone, and I mean everyone, gets emotionally spent. Everyone gets depressed, everyone feels like they've hit the end of their rope, everyone feels like there's just no way to do this or that, and they try to huck logic at it to assist their decisions to...cease.
Cease what? Cease their goals, cease their dreams. Let me be the first one to tell you, it never quits if you refuse to quit. You never, ever fail 'til you choose to fail. You never lose, 'til you're giving it up. Sometimes..? Sometimes, the answer to your problems takes time to get to you. Sometimes, it seems absolutely impossible, and sometimes? That's your lack of serotonin blocking your way. Here's what's reality: anything can happen, if you put your mind to it. I know that sounds corny, but that's a guaran-damn-tee, courtesy of someone who loses out, and has lost out, in many of his attempts to see things done...and still came out on top.
I'm not saying my life's perfect. But, my life's also not over. I got a lot of goals, a lot of hopes, and I'll be the first to admit, I've been at that place where I was positive, absolutely positive, I was done. That, there was no hope. That, I'd never make it back to California again. That, I'd never get to see college again. That, I'd never be able to replace the friends I've lost like I have...that, I'd never find love, real-deal love again. And you know what? Each and every time, I've been proven wrong--Hell, each and every time, I've proved it wrong, to myself. So, I implore...anyone, everyone, and a specific someone!...don't you ever give up.
It may not happen now, or today, it may not work out instantaneously. Hell, it may not even work out exactly the manner that you planned it, but you'll get what you need if you stick to your guns. Need a car? You'll get it. Need something to go right? You'll get it. Need a hand? You'll get it. Give it a second, it's going to space! And Life's an interesting beast; often times, when you tell yourself you can't do something? You can't do it. So, don't do it.
Just remember to never give up on the things, or more importantly the people, that matter most, and remember to not let the emotionlessly logical step cloud what's more important...because while we can be logical, we're creatures of emotions, and those emotions define who we are. Logically? Sure, maybe if my boss mistreats my fellow employee, speaking up against it at the risk of losing my job doesn't make sense right? But fuck that. That friend's a million times more important than any job, just as surely as rescuing and living with his sister was more important to Simon Tam then being a successful doctor with loads of money and prestige and his own house and etc.
You see, the thing is: things, happen, for a reason. I'm not saying I go so far as to believe in fate without question, no I think Humans got their ability to have their own decisions when the down comes to the down. But, you're put on paths, and there are roads, and while we choose what roads we decide to follow..? The roads all lead to somewhere, we don't make those roads. At least, not usually. Divine plans? God? Not saying anything about that, but I am, absolutely and without a doubt, saying things'll work out. And sometimes, that means things look bleak for a minute--Hell, going offa my luck? Things look bleak all kinds, 'til the last possible second! ALWAYS happens, always. Hell, when it's me in the scenario, it always goes off my luck for EVERYONE, so for EVERYONE it looks bleak...'til the last possible minute.
"It always gets worse, before it gets better." Or, alternatively, "It's always darkest before the dawn." Right?? So, no sense in giving up.
See, my granddaddy before me was a lot like myself...he tried hard in his life, to get things done for the people he loved. And, of course, he got knocked down again, and again. Life beat him down but good, and as he's slow to learn like myself, he was always...a little behind other folk. But once he learned it, once he got in? Hell, he did better then any of 'em. So, even at his darkest hours, I'm sure he sat there and said...I'm never going to succeed. I'm 25, I'm unmarried and single, I've got no job to speak of, college shaky, all of these things--felt like a real failure. By the time it was all over, though? Owned his own company, best for miles and miles. And I could give you a hundred more success stories, just like that one.
I think a buddy of mine said it right, "persistence prevails and never fails." Old High School friend, Stuart Westphal, he said that. And that was easily, easily, the best way to summarize my outlook on things, and exactly how true it was is breathtaking. Doesn't mean every task you perform will be met with 100% success, no...what it means is, "at first you don't succeed, you try try again", and that sumbitch is gonna cave eventually. Again, guaran-damn-teed, courtesy of someone who's many-a-time seen a mighty despair, and with patience, and sheer spite (so bitter, I refused to quit even if I felt thoroughly sure I'd lose), beat back hard times left and right and proceeded to win the day.
In short, we'll make it. And we'll make it together. I know, I know, there are people out there that hate relying on friends, that relying on friends makes you week...well, fuck that. I wouldn't be here today without the friends that helped me when I needed it, Hell I'd be dead, and now I'll be in a position to help people when I can, and right back at 'em there are friends out there who, through my help, are in places in their life they'd'a never gotten to without the helping hand. Everyone needs a helping hand, and while miracle cures aren't dime-a-dozen, you give me the chance..? I'll find us a way. But don't ever, ever, give up on your dreams, your passions, even if what you would prefer to do doesn't seem feasible", you go on to chase it anyway. Like ol' Will Smith said:
Shadow dreams, they seem so distant
But the light is strong, and no you can't resist it
Keep on pushing, hold out your hand
But light is your friend, go on in!
It's always darkest before the light,
Nothing's worth having if it's not worth a fight,
No love without labor, no labor? No love.
Draw on the strength bestowed from above!
What can go wrong *will* go wrong,
But if you fall off a horse just get back on!
...
Fourteen years old, I used to want a Beamer
I guess you could say I was what you'd call a shadow dreamer
I told my father that I didn't think I'd ever get in
I said I might as well just forget it.
My father said, "Son, don't be talking so dumb
Hard work and education makes anything come!
And plus a shadow dream ain't as far as it seem
Son, you used to *be* a shadow dream."
Life is a mystery, but let's check history
To see how many people's shadow dreams came true
And if the other people's shadow dreams are equal,
Then why can't the next shadow dreamer be you?
That's the philosophy I live my life by,
When things get hard through the stress and strife I
Keep on pushing with a full head of steam,
Like a train through the tunnel to my shadow dream." - Will Smith
So bust out some Beatles, some Ray Charles, and "let it be, let it be! There will be an answer, let it be." 'Cuz I absolutely promise, things will get better. Never give up, I'm here for you.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
"I know it seem hard sometimes, but uh..remember one thing. Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep your head up...and handle it." - Tupac Amaru Shakur.
current mood:  hopeful
current music: D.J. Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Shadow Dreams
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| Thursday, September 10th, 2009
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12:15 pm - ~Fight For What's Right!~
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Yet another journal entry with less "updates" and more "tellin' it like it is", so skip around it if you want to, but here's some facts for the whole world if they didn't know already...doing the right thing? Sometimes leaves you up Shit Creek without a paddle. And doing the right thing was never, ever, about that.
That's right, this goes out to all the cats out there that continue to do things to, or for, people based on a checks-and-balances book that is their own reward system. "Oh sure I'll do this good thing, if it's not too far out of my way"--NO. Do good BECAUSE it's out of your way! People don't seem to get that, they think they're the good guys 'cuz they do good things, even though they're only willing to do a good thing when there's something for it in the end, or when it's not an issue for them--shit that's on the way anyhow. That's not what friends are about, and most importantly, that needs to not be what PEOPLE are about.
Doing the right thing isn't also always about HELPING people, either--although that's a big one, because doing "good" is often defined by sacrificing The Self for the sake of Others. But sometimes, doing the right thing is about not rewarding those that commit the bad. What are consequences in this world if they're made of paper? Why do we forgive people who are not truly repenting of their terrible deeds, people who aren't even *sorry* for the things they've done to you? ...Wait, 'cuz you need something out of him? I'm the first person in line to let people I don't like buy me a meal if they want to talk to me about how much they fucked up or other strictly-business scenarios, but that's really it.
GAIN something? I'm being in this person's life, I'm hanging out with them, I'm expecting others to appreciate them, I'm being FRIENDLY with this person that bought himself toys, that bought herself clothes, instead of paying any rent, and I'm still hanging out with this person, I'm still SMILES with this person? Mother-fuck-that. "They buy me these things", "they pay this amount", I don't care. Like I said in the intro, sometimes doing the right thing? Ain't about helping your situation. In fact, sometimes doing the right thing may very, very well hurt your situation, sometimes tremendously. That's not what doing the right thing was ever about. It's about showing the bad folk out there that doing what they've done to you is unacceptable, and you're here to do good for those that deserve good.
What is Courage? To the great armies of the clans, Courage is easy. But what is Courage when victory is assured? What does it mean to die for a cause when it is certain others will carry the tales of your glory? To deny the employment of a wicked master and face cold and starvation, to die in a shallow grave for a worthy cause no one will ever remember--that is the Courage of a Ronin. - Honor of a Ronin quote.
Take it from Mike the Denny's Cook: Fuck 'em.
THAT being said, I am NOT saying to never, ever forgive someone either. If someone is truly sorry, if someone really didn't enjoy your reaction, if someone really, really realizes they've fucked up? And they apologize, sincerely, and then make an active move to change their life away from the villainry? Then that's someone you can forgive. And that's also not to say you can't learn things from the bad guys, or you have to hate everything there is to hate about them just because THEY hate it...naw. I had this talk once a few weeks ago where we detailed that just because someone's fucked up and is no longer in our lives because of it, doesn't mean we didn't learn a valuable personality trait or appreciation for a certain thing they did.
“Only a Human would allow their feelings get in the way of admiring another's work!” - Ghim the Dwarf.
And it IS very Human of us to do that, and to realize we're doing it is also pretty important. Take the people that've burned me over the years real bad...think I got no mutual respect for some of the things Justin can do, the philosophies he's had? No, I learned a lot from that cat. You think 'cuz me and Tommy, just 'cuz we're on the worst terms a man can be, that I didn't learn so much from that man?? No way! Dude was a mentor, even if he used his methods for bad in the end. Howsabout Nick Troyer? Think just because we're having our thing now, means I think he's worthless guttertrash? Think again--I know Nick's got badass shit in him, we wouldn't have been friends in the first place without it.
...That's not the point.
Hell, you can even LIKE someone you shouldn't forgive, but the point is, they still fucked up, and they know it, and you know it, and they're not sorry, they'll still do terrible things like mistreat people, mistreat their girls, lie and cheat and steal from inside your own home, so why should you be forgiving? That's not to say never be forgiving--me and Jacob, for instance, had our bad times, right? Real bad. But in the end, he came down from his bad and he apologized, changed his ways, I saw that for what it was--now the guy's one'a my best friends all over again, completely revamped from the man that stole my computer over a year ago. But that doesn't mean just accept any ol' apology--accept one off the bat, but if they don't change their ways (read: Seamak), fuck 'em.
And if a person apologizes multiple times, and still doesn't change? Don't forgive 'em 'til they change their ways first--Hell, don't even associate with these kinds of assholes. They aren't worth your time, and even if they WERE worth your time, making your life easier and richer in the end? That ain't what doin' the right thing's all about.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
current mood: bitter
current music: Bad Religion - Don't Sell Me Short
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| Monday, August 17th, 2009
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6:18 pm - ~You Know What's BULL SHIT~
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Those so-called friends, that break when the tape ends. Yeah, you know the ones. Listen, I know, I know, this is a little rant is prolly gonna be looked at as bitching, but I've really fucking had it. If hearing about what people do wrong out there disturbs you, stop reading. If you wanna hear a tale or two, see a lesson to give to others, whatever, pull up a fuckin' chair and let's do this shit:
So last weekend, I had someone I wanted to go visit. Not far, but far enough...like, it'd be me taking a Bart, and spending $20. Unfortunately, at the time I didn't have any money when this offer came up. Just got here to California. So, she says hey, I'll pay the cost, you just come up here and let's hang out right? Right, no problem--and I kinna feel bad, but she assures me it'll be fine, I can pay it back or at least half, all of this. So, it's on. Only one problem...she's gonna pay me when I *get* there. Meaning, I need to borrow the money to go to it.
It becomes quickly apparent that any money I could borrow from, say, Jasmine for instance wasn't going to be available--I borrow money from my mom, but she could only send it after Friday...couldn't borrow from Jasmine 'cuz Jim had not yet given her money back (all week). So, it was looking like I couldn't, even if she found a way to reduce the fee to only the $5...we just didn't have the means to get that $5 to meet her half-way. She got very, very upset about this, and so what does she do? Deletes MySpace, Facebook, and decides to cut off all contact with me when I said it wasn't looking like I could go.
What the fuck kind of shit is this? Did I just get punished for not having money, again? Am I seriously losing friends over green toilet paper? I fuckin' hate money, I really do--I with transportation was free, I wish I had a job, I wish for a lot of fucking things, but for fuck's sake give a guy a break, he just got here! This was with other things I've argued with this person all week...including "I can't borrow your book 'cuz your poor", "you can't hang out 'cuz you might miss a job opportunity", and my personal favorite, "take me off your top friends 'cuz I'm a different number than I was before".
Seriously. Really? Like...those people I put up on there were from Metrocon Star Party that I thought fucking rocked, and I don't really have a "favorites" order with my Top Friends, that's just who they fucking are--these 40 people are worth my mention. If they could scramble only those 40 people, I'd make it do that, but it fucking does it. So what if Katie's above you? Listen, here's a short history lesson using Katie, one of the people on my Top Friends due to jammin' with her and her crew as Tech Crew at Metrocon:
People cooler than Katie? Not very many. Like, no seriously, Katie is fucking awesome. It'd take miracles for a person not to like her, she's full of life and coolness and so on. People getting to be on the same "these people fucking rock" list as her? If I were on that list, I wouldn't be like, "BAH GAWD KATIE IS HIGHER THAN ME BAWWWWWWWW", you know?? I'd be like, "Aw Hell yeah, people think I'm as cool as Katie!"...or, if I didn't fucking know Katie, I'd not be jealous and/or upset, at Katie, or at the person who put me below her on a list, I'd be like "this Katie person? Must rock the fucking house!" and any research would show me that.
But asking me to take you the fuck off, 'cuz of a person like this? Are you fucking serious?? What were they THINKING?...yeah, that was bad, but no more friends 'cuz I couldn't make it to hang out with you on your request, 'cuz I'm poor? For fuck's sake, I might as well just quit friends now, right?? This isn't at all logical! Now, granted, she has a depression, but that's no excuse no matter how bad it is...emotions are feelings, depression is bad, mania is bad, and she might experience both...I dunno, maybe I'm being the jerk here, but it made me feel kinda terrible, and then I was like, "hey wait. What the fuck is this?" and so there's my bitch on that.
Then, THEN, I also hung out with another friend, and our mutual friend has said she doesn't like me anymore. Now, I've talked on this same person before, and we haven't seen each other since that incident, but before I was worried--now it's confirmed. What a load of shit! I get, ok, not liking me for some valid reason would be a-ok. Some people just don't find other people cool. But this isn't one of those things, this is a perceived notion that I'm creepy! I got that I'm a tall guy. Six foot five, no lanky build, long black hair, goatee, long coat...people see me? First impression is probably not going to be flowers and sunshine--try intimidating.
But this girl knows me, or at least I had an idea that she did--we hung out every New Years (and some times outside of that, whenever get-togethers would occur) for what...eight years or something? I mean damn! But then, we went working together, and she thinks I'm *creepy*? By what the Hell right did I come off as creepy? The few times that, in passing as I'd go to the food room, I'd ask if she wanted something from it? O LAWDY, WALKER DONE WENT AND GOT NICE TO PEOPLE! HE MUST BE MANSON! Fuck that...and to say that I was uh, stalking the other co-worker we had? Sydney?...what, 'cuz we were working at the same table, having many jokes? Or is it 'cuz we swapped MySpace/Facebook info to keep in touch? Or maybe I'm stalking her 'cuz she asked me what my phone number was so she could keep in touch. Yeah, really stalking.
Now, I'm upset by these sort of ridiculous accusations as any...I mean, is it so hard to believe that a person can think you're cool, and want to hang out with the cool that you are, without it being a stalker thing? Am I stalking badass Dustin Welton 'cuz we decided to be friends after a project together in school? I thought he was cool, hey, let's hang out sometime? Am I stalking Casey 'cuz she was the bomb and helped us out at Metrocon after we helped her and her crew? Am I stalking Black Kyo now, am I stalking badass Mike? Am I stalking fucking Samuel L. Jackson for joining his Twitter now, is that what this is??
I don't mean to sound irritated, but I really respected this person--very much as a friend, I'd never date her, and always talked highly of her, and every New Years I wanted to see her and Justin again (looks like I'm stalkin' you, Justin!) and this is the shit I get. Yeah, thanks Tori. Thankfully, I'm also told this isn't the first time she's done this before, and has been dramatically paranoid over nothing and inventive of scenarios with people before, typically other guys. Is it a guy thing, does she just hate on guys? I don't know, I can't imagine what's through her head, but I really hope she gets over herself on it. That shit sucks, and it's gotta make things difficult on her relations--old and new. Good luck.
And then the last thing, the thing that chaps me the most about the news I've gotten since I've come back--bad, bad boyfriends, or friends that want to be boyfriends. The ones that are your friends 'til you don't go along with what they say, and then they're terrible people...I just heard, and seen, a dozen examples the last few weeks of guys being too pressuring, or too smothering, or creeping a girl out to the point where she has to move, or move on. Or the guys that, when you don't want to do what they want, they hit 'em? I mean, for fuck's sake, are you out of your MIND? Did you just forgo any sense of honor and respect for the ones you claim to love? And then you have the gall, the man-marbles, to beg her to come back into your life??
Seriously, if I catch or hear anything about guys treating their girls like shit or being creepy--and I mean *proper* creepy, the kind of creepy Tori obviously has no idea about, the kind of creepy dealing with a dude touching a girl while she's trying to sleep or shit like that (like this José kid I've now heard stories about!), I will drop you. Like, it won't even be funny, we don't treat our women like that, we don't treat anyone like that! You don't hit girls, you don't flirt with girls that aren't flirting back, you don't touch the women 'til they want you too--Hell, put on "The House Rules" by Christian Kane and listen. And to stop being her friend 'cuz she won't dig you? You can't say you love someone, and then have it all about yourself. 'Cuz that's bullshit.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
current mood: aggravated
current music: 2Pac - Keep Ya Head Up
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| Thursday, August 13th, 2009
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2:41 pm - ~The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.~
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~The Good.~
You know that bit about how life doesn't ever go exactly as planned? Yeah, still in effect. Let's get things first out about being here back in California though...it is great. I can't speak for Matt, he'll tell you on his own time what the changes mean for him, but personally for me? It's great. The weather's fantastic, the company--while a difficult scenario to be explained later--is awesome, the community's teeming with versatility and culture...I mean, things aren't great now? But I feel better now being here than I did in Florida, by lots. Maybe I'm biased 'cuz I have so many friends and experiences here, I don't know.
It's not even on the friends, because I have great friends in both places--and indeed equal amount, in both places. Just scoping out my Facebook the other day, and in the section of "Networks with the Most Friends", I had 31 in California, and 31 in Florida split up between two cities/networks for each: Sacramento, Sarasota, Silicon Valley, and Tampa. So that ain't it at all--I LOVE my people, they're all great people. It's the feeling of opportunity. Maybe if I lived in Tampa instead of Sarasota or Bradenton, I would have felt differently--indeed I like Tampa whenever I stay there for Metrocon, nice feel.
But that'd be because of the bus system, and the city life. Job--nay, career opportunities. Shit like that. I dunno. I just think it's all better--more experienced folk, more room to grow. So we are here, back in California! Lemme tell you, the trip wasn't so fun. We sent down the computers ground (because air was just gonna be ridiculous) and some various boxes, two each really. Things cost much more then anyone could have expected however (and thanks so much, again, Bender!), up to and including the on-board luggage, which cost $100 for me and Matt to put on our two bags because they were over 52 and 55 pounds, instead of straight 50. What a fucking load of shit.
Anyway, on our last day or so, we went out with Fax and Mitch and had a farewell dinner that couldn't be beat, and I got to say goodbye to them--and that was really fantastic. We then got to go to Tampa, deal with airport bullcockery, say goodbye to matt's folks (who I am extremely grateful to), and took our flight. It was a long flight too, I don't know how Matt survived it--lots of cramped space and bullshit. Stopped over in Texas, waited around, then off again to California. Upon touching down, the first person we find is Rebecca! Zeke's Rebecca that is, forever here just called Becca to not confuse her with the other Rebecca haha.
Becca and I get our things and we're still also looking around for Jim and Rebecca, who were also supposed to meet us here. I call Jim up, and he went to the wrong baggage claim, but unfortunately the number I had for Rebecca was old and no longer in use. So...we just hoped she was there! We went down to Terminal A, found Jim, and proceeded to search high and low for Rebecca. LOTS of time doing this, before we finally gave up and decided to get back to the apartment where hopefully we could contact her using AIM. ...Only to find out once we got back that Rebecca was waiting here in Jim's apartment all this time!
Now...as you know, Jim's living situation was told to us as, we'd be moving into an apartment here in Santa Clara, his two-bed, where we would stay 'til we have jobs since Jim can safely pay for this apartment by himself. Matt Ridgeway, the Matt that was Jim's room mate, was asked to find a new place (possibly in two weeks time?) and we'd be moving into his room. Unfortunately, this is not how reality worked. First off, the apartment is BAD...like, way, way bad. like, the fence is made up of mattresses. The insides just...bad. It's not my old house bad? But, it's bad. Cockroaches climb the wall, very reminiscent of the song "Common People", and this isn't the first time I've been in a place like this (who remembers NYC? I do.)
So...then came the surprises. The first big one was that, Ridgeway was not leaving. He's on the lease, and Jim can't force him out, so...yay us. And the SECOND surprise is this girl named Vi, the SECOND surprise Jim neglected to tell us! Now, this is no crackdown on Vi, she seems like a nice person, but this wasn't in the deal when we were brainstorming this. I knew Jim wanted to leave very very much into a new place leaving this place behind, but he didn't tell me it was because of the fact that other people were living here--he just said he had a problem living with the cockroaches. This? Now I can see why--it's a little cramped in a two-bedroom low-income home. And we just made things worse.
Well...I needed time to mull this situation over, and Matt had never experienced himself a Mountain Mikes pizza ever in his life...so off we go. We still didn't have any computers here, and it seemed like a good idea. The only one Becca knew about was the one next to Chris Steinwinder's house, so we gave him a call and had him join us! By the time we got there, it was me, Matt, Jim, Chris, Becca, and Rebecca all around a mountain-sized Pepperoni Pizza. We laughed, had good times, told some stories, and the whole thing was great! Then Becca went to take Jim home for his own scenario, and we went with Chris Steinwinder to tour San José for Matt's sake, with me and Rebecca jibba-jabbin' on the side.
That evening, we all reconvened minus one Chris Steinwinder and two Rebeccas (they had to go home) to eat, where Jim called down Brian and Mike to join us. We had a good decent dinner, though I found out they discontinued my Pineapple Dream (T_T bad call, Denny's...) and that's where I found out my THIRD surprise. That the girl Vi also has a friend, Cheryl, who is ALSO staying at the house. This just promptly escalated from three people in a two bedroom apartment to six people in a really, really shitty low-income two bedroom apartment...right fast. My head was spinning. I felt like every time I left and came back, Jim had a new girl staying in the place, and that's exactly the joke I made. Turns out...I wasn't wrong! But at least the newest addition would rock the house.
The next day, we bring our biggest concerns to Jim and create a plan where we can live on our own and succeed here. He then brings up that next surprise, that there's someone else he wants to bring in on this. This, was also, not part of the plan--this puts us back to finding a four-bedroom, which is much more expensive and difficult to find than a three. But, hey, he's saying this person we don't know rocks, and is exactly like him, and so on and so fourth, already has a job.....not so bad. I'm iffy, but that's me, I don't like making decisions 'til I meet people, and so he tells me he'll bring this person down.
I ask the name, and he says Jasmine. And I'm like..."who names their son Jasmine?" and it's not a son at all, it's another girl! But he assures me, this is going to be awesome. So, I'm trying to imagine this female version of Jim, who thinks just like Jim and so on. ...Kinda weird, but whatever, don't judge. He's gonna bring her by the next day. Instead, we go over to Brian and Wally's house to jump in on their game and meet everyone again. Unfortunately for us, the D&D game is full, and that's too bad 'cuz I was part of the original story's team that this game is offshot from. Mark's there, also, as well as a new guy I'd never met before named Andrew Nagel.
He seems like a real interesting and cool dude, and especially when he offers to pay our foodage when the game breaks and we're off to the Korean version of Mongolian BBQ. No Wally and Brian this time, tho. We had damn good eats, damn good laughs, and a damn good time. Finally getting, we kick back, relax, and wait for our PCs to arrive. The next day, James brings by a girl named Jasmine--the room mate. Immediately upon speaking to her, I realized I wanted her in the crew. So, we went back to the Denny's (ahhh good ol' Denny's) and proceeded to plan with her the rest of the way. It went REALLY well, although it seems Jim would like us to move into a three-bedroom apartment.
Not sure who's sharin' a room in this one. Ain't me and Matt, or me and Jim, 'cuz they like their own personal space, and I'm always about. Ain't Jim and Jasmine, either. So...we'll just have to see. But the point is, we'll be out of here either the 1st or 15th. If not sooner. 'Til then, we have to wait and see! We have no means of getting jobs really at this point however, since Jim has no phone here whatsoever for us to put on the application, and we have no Internet by which to e-mail and fill out online apps (which 75% of the application now-a-days are). So, we have to wait. 'Til FRIDAY. And even then, on Friday, it gets delayed, so we gotta wait 'til MONDAY! Agggh, like a week and then some without computers man. Brutal.
But we kept ourselves occupied, hanging with Jasmine and such mostly, and eventually convinced Jim (wasn't very hard) to let Jasmine move in with us in the two-bedroom, since she was staying with a fatass 46 year old man who was a severe drug user and was extraordinarily obsessed with her--like, lusts, and pines, and sobs for her. It was bad. So by the time our computers got here just a few days ago (which is why it took so long for me to update anyone or respond to anything), we had seven people now living here. Madness. We'd clean the place up and it'd get unmade faster than we can count. Not cool.
Now, we have our computers back though, and things seem to be returning to some semblance of normal. Jim asked Cheryl and Vi to leave (for room, you see), and asked Matt to expedite his leave as well since we'll be leaving also. Things are now clean, and we aren't utterly cramped--especially with that daybed good and folded up forever into a chair. I got to see Jamie on fight night meeting her boyfriend Nick (I knew Silva would win, and guessed BJ would too), attend Anna's babyshower, say hi to Rachel, Hell, I even got to see Alex again!!!! Jasmine rocks the house, and Jim and Matt are (as they always have been) excellent room mates, and while things are under a very slow start, they seem to be flowing in the right direction. We'll see--still trying to find my ground here. Sent in a buncha apps, feelin' good.
~The Bad.~
Unfortunately, the BAD with all of this is that my buddy Zeke is still in jail for a misunderstanding dealing with not completing his probation's last day or some bullshit. He thought he was done, but no, he wasn't...two years ago. So, they've caught him and I had to go to his court date to ensure he was getting the support he needed! This was yesterday, and O LAWDY was this some silly shit. So in I go, happy to support my brother 'cuz that's how I do, and it's just the silliest damn court case. Nick Fury presides (literally this grizzly old war vet with an eyepatch) as the judge, and he's decided that this is his church sermon rather than a house of law.
So he starts preaching to everyone for about an hour on second chances, and what to do, and what not to do, and examples, and going over what he just said, and rephrasing, and bah gawd...THEN we get the actual trials, and all these guys go up 'fore Zeke so whatever, then when Zeke's up he's like "I'm giving him 16 months" and Zeke apologizes profusely and pleads for a second chance, and the judge gives a speech about how excuses are worthless--and even though he, himself, was late, there's no excuses, and then starts listing his excuses for why he was late ... Then takes pity on Zeke, says he'll review this case on the 9th. This was further helped by me making friends with the bailiff, who put in a good word for us.
Meanwhile, the people who came with me are Rebecca--Zeke's girlfriend--who is really cool, and Zeke's sister who no one--not even Zeke--likes. Like, she does nothing but talk. Forever. Nonstop talking. About nothing. And every time I tried to talk, she just talked right over my voice as if I wasn't there, and keptt right on talking. I hate her. So anyway, we get in the van after shit's done, and I'm like "what now?" and she's like, "well Zeke said he wants to call us, so we'll wait for him to do that at my house--how about a BBQ to celebrate?" and I'm like, yeah that's dope, my room mate Matt and my room mate Jasmine would love to come too since they're all worried about ol' Zeke, and Rebecca's cool with it...
But then Zeke's sister wants to bring her fiance of seven years and their daughter instead, citing that family's more important. So, our friends don't get to come, instead we have to put up with nonsense. We go to the sister's house and she takes an age to get ready, and then we're off. The daughter's not so bad, and the husband seems quiet, so no problems...we get to Rebecca's house, and I meet her brother and her father.During eating, me and Rebecca's father talk about tanks and guns and his old war stories since he was a soldier and other good times, and he seems really cool.
Then we all separate, and while we're waiting for Zeke to call--which we learn could be anywhere from 4PM (when we got out) 'til 10PM--Zeke's sister and her fiance wanna watch Valkyrie, the movie with Tom Cruise about a German rebel faction wanting to renegade against Hitler for his slaughter of the Jews. Saw it with Bender in the theaters--not the greatest movie of all time, but worth a watch sure. Then the sister leaves, and I'm like thank the Lord finally...and I'm left with her fiance. And we start talking...first he tells me he's big into politics, but he did several felonies so he's not allowed to vote or have guns.
Then, he has a gun magazine he's reading, so we start talking guns--he likes the M-16, I like the AK-47 instead, shit like that. Then, THEN, Tom Cruise on the screen places his plan out for everyone else, and someone insults him saying "I thought you'd have more honor"--and I'm like, that's weird, most German soldiers at that time didn't care about the concepts of honor, it's why they kicked ass so hard in the beginning and shit, and he goes:
"No, the only person that ever got treated badly were the Jews, and to be honest there's only one reason for that, and it's not because their hair and eye color. In all honesty, Jewish people get a hold of key financial communities, and then change the economic scales to fit their own schemes. They're doing that even now here in America, and American people are starting to see that. The only way to deal with them, was to kill them! And I know most people don't want to say that out loud, because it sounds mean, but we all know what we have to do...we have to kill the Jews to stop them, it's the only option."
And I'm sitting here kinna flabbergasted, and I'm like, "uh...bro, do you know who you're talking to? I'll give you one hint: the size of my nose."
So, he walks off promptly. I learn later he had a swastika tattoo on his back. So...I had to wait, all day, for my friend to call, with a really, really irritating girl and her nazi skinhead boyfriend, who avoided me like the plague after he figured out what I was, 'til 10pm--and my buddy didn't even get to call. And my friends got to not eat at a BBQ. And I got to be home by 11PM--a 12 hour shift of bullcockery haha. It was pretty bullshit, and me and Rebecca laughed about how stupid it all was all the way home. Still, I was glad I got to hang out with Rebecca, and see Zeke again, which I can now reassure our mutual friends like Andrea, Cody, Jim, Matt, Larry, Jamie, and the Sacramento crew of their being ok.
~The Ugly.~
The last item on the list today is, as should be no surprise to anyone by now, my old buddy Nick Troyer. Now...this guy apparently took my last blog pretty seriously, and that means that it must'a stung somewhere. Good to know. But, I wanna address it (and him) as I usually do, so from here on out, I'm gonna say this like I'm talking to him...'cuz, I am. Nick, I aside from the wrap-up, I've been pretty much like you--I've just not really mentioned it, and you can ask on Mitch and Chris--I just want an apology, and that's all. I've mostly done what I can to not talk on it unless people really want to know the story of what happened (like Dakota and Huan did), and even then I tell my side of it as fairly as I saw it. Can't say the same for Matt.
The wrap up? Not me trying to insult you, that's just a list of things you said that insult yourself. If I wanted to Demonize YOU, I'd go on (and on) about how you accused me of comic book theft, or snooped through my room after I left intentionally every day, or threw shit on me for possibly taking 150-point comic books out the door when we KNOW you've taken things of a much higher value from there all for yourself and your fun, or your pranks you pulled (or the lectures we got for pulling might milder pranks), or go into greater details about the blow-up ball incident or the e-mails you snooped through or the write up.
I wasn't trying to dig things up, that was just the wrap up--the big events, and I specifically let you say on you, rather than us say on you, to avoid digging things up, and just highlighting what everyone found funny and knew about to begin with. ...That being said, you outlined some things. Let's touch on them:
Unbolded and italicized, are Nick's words from his recent journal. Mine are my usual bold after.
1) "I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this arcade!" And Matt's input Blood: Maybe cut himself once. Sweat: That place was an oven 100% of the time, so sure. Tears: Maybe he cried when he cut himself? Who really knows. All in all, TILT was serious business, and you should have some gorram respect for your manager. OH LAWDIE! NICK ACTUALLY -LIKED- WHERE HE WORKED AND CARED ABOUT HIS JOB HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES! As far as Matt's input, I've never cut myself over TILT, and I've never shed literal tears over TILT. Its a figure of speech, obviously. And before the responses from them roll in, I know that you know its just a figure of speech and you're trying to make fun of me. Durr hurr.
1a) Dunno about Matt's input, but he claims you did cut yourself. But I think his stab was less at making fun of you, and more making fun of how someone could take that job so seriously. Take it how you will, though. You enjoying your job? I'll bet you did. Too bad at the people's expense. More on this later.
2) "I threw Walker's cup away to be a dick" IF this is referring to what I think it is, which is me throwing away a used Subway cup that had been sitting in the back of TILT, I didn't know it was his until Matt told me. And then I said THAT as a joke. This was when we were all still friends. Hooray for context!
2a) According to Matt, you'd asked and knew that it was my cup well before you threw it away. If this isn't fact (and you'll know deep down which is--I couldn't know, I wasn't there), then the joke still wasn't funny.
3) "I know this makes me sound like a dick, but I think it's all Bender's fault." Nope. Not what was said at ALL. Here is the context, and what was actually said. The context is this is back in January when all of this started, I was trying to explain to Walker and Matt that lately they hadn't been doing a good job at TILT anymore. Nick Bender was back in town and had spent a significant amount of time hanging out with Walker and Matt all three together in the store. What I said was, "I know this makes me sound like a dick, but I think part of the problem is too much Bender." AS IN, too much hanging out at the job. A point towards that I made was that there was some crusty taco bell sauce that had sat there the night before from them all hanging out and eating taco bell in the store. To me, from my point of view, it made sense that those three hanging out together at work meant work wasn't getting done. More on that for the next quote.
3a) Now you're misquoting your quote. I'll give you "sounds like a dick" rather than "looks", but you certainly said it was Bender's fault. And I KNOW what you meant saying it, but you weren't talking about Taco Bell--you were talking about the dusting of a machine, and Bender wasn't at all there that day to distract us from doing our jobs. He was in Ellington visiting Brandon. So you insisting on that, was uncool.
4) "That's the kind of guy Nick Bender is. ... On a personal level? That kid is gutter trash." This came about because of when I told Walker and Matt that I thought Bender hanging out at TILT was making them not do their job well anymore. Apparently, this all got turned into somehow everything was Bender's fault. Evidenced above by Walker mis quoting me by saying I said it was all his fault. This is what Walker actually believes that I think, or thought. And I'd put money down that this is how he conveyed it to Bender in the first place when they all started riding the Hate Nick Troyer train in the first place. So why is that bad on Bender? Well, it pissed me off pretty bad that Bender thought that I was blaming him for everything and was jealous of him just because he was told so, and never once tried to find out from me if that's the way it was. That really bugged the shit out of me, and made me say that. That's why I said that shit. Do I really think Bender is gutter trash? No, he's not. 9 times out of 10 Nick Bender is a good guy, a generous friend, and he's more than willing to help people out less fortunate than he. And he makes a living protecting the United States of America by serving in its Army. If I could go back, I would have probably chosen my words towards Bender a little better. And I apologize for calling him something so extreme like gutter trash. But at the time, I was pretty pissed at him for acting like that. It was pretty bullshit from my point of view. Obviously we don't talk anymore but I hope the guy is doin' good.
4a) I told Bender straight up exactly everything you meant by it--that by his being there, you were somehow distracting us from doing our job. I don't paint you wrong, brother, even if we disagree on the exact quote--I get your intention across, word is bond, 'cuz I like to make sure at the end of the day, everyone knows the situation and what side they're on from that point on. And he thought it was bullshit. And his notion of jealousy, didn't come from me and mine--it came from himself, and his own personal observations. Hell, I didn't even think of the "jealous" conclusion 'til he did. And while I wasn't ever sure on it, Dakota kinda confirmed it. So uh...here's to America's military subtle interrogation tactics? They figure shit out. Good on you for finally apologizing for the name-calling, but this runs deeper than that.
5) "Steve Snyder does his job. The rest of you don't!" Uh... props to Steve? He did really well at TILT. The only time he left the place messy was when he was in a car wreck with Chris and was hurting. He handled customers really well and was eager to do extra whenever he could.
5a) Steve did as much work as everybody else on good days. Sometimes, he did none--like some of us admittedly did. Matt tried to point that out to you when you wrote me up, by walking right over to what Steve had crossed off his list and running a finger along it to show you the dust. Hell, you even saw it. It should be noted his list was a mighty lot smaller than mine, and my lift of checked-off itemry had mysteriously vanished for the proof of this. So anyway, making the joke that we were expendable, but Steve wasn't? Not cool.
6) "I don't steal from TILT. Sure, I borrowed money from the store's safe a few times, but I ALWAYS paid it back." Nope. What this is referring to is me using one, maybe two quarters to buy a soda I didn't have enough change for from the machine outside. Which was always paid back the next day. I didn't take handfuls of money from the safe unless I had to go buy something with the Petty Cash money for the store.
6a) Nope. Maybe that's what your quote is referring to, but what makes it funny for us is the time you stole money from the TILT to pay your cell phone bills. Bender, Mitch, and Matt all got that tale to me. So stop your high-road, you got no ground to walk on.
7) "Do it or you're fired!" Nope. This is from the holiday season of 2008. The pump for the puffer balls we needed filled up had gone missing, and Matt had spent the entire time on shift(in between customers) looking for it for me. The store had not been cleaned or anything all day because of it. I wasn't mad at Matt, because he had a choice of making the place look nice, or finding something that was important, and he chose to look for the important item. That's a shitty choice at work and I didn't blame him for it. I'm sure I came off like I did because I was upset and frustrated, but I understood that choice because I've been there before. I asked Matt, for the first and last time ever, if he would help Walker clean up a little bit even though he wasn't on shift anymore. He told me no, his ride was on its way and he'd be leaving soon. I told him okay, no problem and I asked Walker if he would clean up the -best he could- that night, since I also was having him pump up puffer balls, which he wasn't happy about already, and he responded that he would try. And, already frustrated and upset, I said "I hope so, or you might end up fired." Matt was right there and later told him and we talked about it and I apologized for being an asshole to he and Matt and went over one more time with Walker what of us from all of our bosses, not just me. It was a sour day but it had ended on an okay note with watching some Angel, or Buffy, or Firefly. I forget which we were on at the time.
7a) No, you said "do it or you're fired." That's how even Matt heard it. But again, we can stick with intentions--you meant a threat. You weren't upset that the store was a mess either, you were upset that something was lost, and you were UPSET....like, I'd never seen anything like that from a grown man before. And slammed shit around. Loudly. And not just a few things, but all over the place, for a good long while. Customers were worried.
8) "OR YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SLAM SHIT AROUND!" Same day, but happened before. Like I said I was trying to get them damn balls inflated for the crane, haha. I couldn't find the pump, but I improvised and switched the tips of a different kind of pump so it could hopefully work. While I was searching for the old pump, I was getting shit out of my way. A mostly discarded piece of Wood that Mark and I were keeping in case we needed it, but never did, and also some empty boxes. In my frustration I was removing things placing things back into the tool box. Loudly. I handed the new pump and the puffer balls and asked him to fill 'em up for me. He threw the box onto the glass counter top he had broken once before. I said that quote and stormed out of the store like an asshole. This was also already apologized for and talked over that same night with the rest of the shit from the quote above. I never met a man alive that hasn't at one point been angry and frustrated. Sorry I'm human, bro. But at least I was man enough to talk to you and apologize about it. You know, almost 9 months ago when it happened.
8a) On the note of apologies, you never said "I'm sorry"...you just said thing that amounted to reasons why you did it--excuses. But, again with intentions, if you INTEND to apologize, then by all means I thank you for it. You are Human, this is true--I know, I make big mistakes as well--and made them there.
9) "He's been a good friend to me for over a year now and that is no lie. But I'm not gonna bend over backwards for him either." After Walker wrote his big huge blog throwing me under the bus the first time, I made a pretty long one in response. At one point I said the quote above. What looks like me saying I wouldn't ever help him out even though he's been a good friend, was me trying to say that I'm not going to do his fucking job for me. Because that's what started all this stupid shit in the first place, me feeling like he wasn't doing his job, and feeling taken advantage of because of it. What I was trying to say is that even though he's been a good friend to me, I wasn't going to bend over for him. The "backwards" part should have been left out.
9a) This one isn't true. This wasn't a replied blog, this was a personal e-mail (which I have saved, along with all of them), in which you were discussing reconciling with Matt who was upset with you. I thought this particular piece was funny, 'cuz it seemed to me to say "he's been a good friend to me, and bended over backwards for me, but I'm not going to return that favor because I am currently upset with him." And PS: The blog throwing you under the bus was well after you threw us under the bus. We made up, had a good Denny's, and then you threw me under the bus again. Not cool.
10) "The glasses needed to be cleaned, so I drew CLEAN ME on it." - a foot away from the glass cleaner." This isn't even a quote. This is just what happened. The Tekken screen was hella dusty and dirty, and after cleaning up several things in the store, I drew clean me on the tekken screen with my finger. The way I grew up, this is common practice. My dad used to do this to our cars, our tv screens, whatever. To get us to clean something. Its not malicious, its pointing something out and being somewhat lighthearted about it. I guess their whole problem with it was that I did that on the screen's dust when a bottle of cleaner was right next to me? Okay, fine. But the idea was to share the work load so one person isn't doing everything. I had just spent my day cleaning up over half the store's games up until a half hour of my shift was left. And yeah, I know one screen wouldn't have made a difference as far as the "work load" but I didn't think it'd be that big a fucking deal to point out a screen was dirty either.
10a) Share the work load? SHARE THE WORK LOAD? AHAHAHAHAHA...O Lawdy...I won't touch that. Instead? Maybe you thought it wasn't a big deal, and maybe it wasn't. But it reflects character. You'd rather draw "CLEAN ME" then clean it yourself. It's not our TV that you drew it on where the responsibility falls solely on us, it's the store's monitor, and we've got a job to do. Rather then play Tekken all day with Steve, you should have done it--you were on shift. We all did our part, maybe because you weren't there to oversee it you never took notice of the things we did do, but by playing Tekken with Steve it's obvious you were just partial to having to do any of yours. ...And you did say this, after I asked why "CLEAN ME" was written there. So, that's why it's a quote. Also a moot point.
11) "I can tell you I definitely didn't go through your e-mails. Do you remember how many times you've had to trust me with that password because I simply cannot remember its jumbledness?" - Shortly before MySpace confirms Nick Troyer used the e-mail to hack MySpace password. </b>
This shit again. All I can say to this is that they changed the e-mail address attached to the BSG myspace without having to go INTO my e-mail. Apparantly he thinks he is the only one gifted enough to do that?
11a) NICE SAVE! Ya still did it, dick, and you didn't rob from me--that was supposed to be a page for all of us. I didn't remove you, see? 'Cuz it was a page for you, me, Bender, Mitch, Zeke, Steve, and so on, to represent us as brothers. Damned selfish of you to take it. And anyway, MySpace already tracked back the way you took it and confirmed, so...you can say you didn't use the password, but we already know you had to get the password to look up on my e-mails anyway, since only two other people other than me got the quotes you used to begin with on that one blog--Rebecca and Matt. And since neither told you, you had to do it. Or, maybe you had a friend type it in and read it off--I don't care, it was you, and you know it was. The People knows it was, those who had their e-mails read through by you in the past, know who it was--it's following a pattern, and it's ruling out any doubts. Piss off.
12) "Tilt is NOT your toybox, Walker." We all took small stupid toys from TILT once and awhile. When we were feeling particularly silly we'd even play with some of them. They obviously weren't worth a whole lot, being cheep hunks of Chinese plastic. Matt and I used to throw handfuls of the bouncy balls around the store and run and go pick them back up. What the quote here is referring to is when we were all sitting around at Denny's, Walker took out a whistle that was in TILT(It wasn't even a prize of ours, it came in a pack with the air pump I bought because it was a sports package or whatever), and I noticed it as such and said that. I was joking around. I know I'm good at "straight facing" a joke and seeming serious until I laugh with the person and assure them I'm just joking around. Maybe I didn't do it that night so it was assumed I was serious? I don't know. I do know that I was somewhat irked that I found the remnants of a new TILT prize in Walker's room everytime I went and hung out with him in there. It seemed like he didn't care about moderation. And that's the part that ticked me off. None of us took toys or stock -all the time-. It was a once and awhile thing. Except for eating candy. We ALL over-ate the candy there.
12a) The only toys you'd seen in my collection by that point was a chess board game we got out when we played Chess on my first day of work (you opened it, I might add), a checkers board some kid didn't want (thought the pieces were shitty, I just liked the board 'cuz I could use the chess pieces on it rather than use the shitty cardboard one...which didn't work out, I might add), possibly some candy thing (like you said, we all snacked out). This does NOT constitute as me taking toys all of the time. Really, really nothing out of the ordinary. If you were joking, you didn't seem like it--you didn't seem merely serious, you seemed downright irritated. It just so happens that this sort of thinking--that TILT was not our toy box--was the backbone of your lectures during the comic book scene, too. I'm sorry dude, that shit just really pissed me off--it wasn't that you were just an asshole for assuming the worst on me, no, it was the hypocrisy behind it. You did worse than all of us, and you had the nerve, the NERVE, to act high and mighty. Yeah, I'll admit I'd had the trinkets, sure, who didn't? But that was my point. And we certainly never did things like pay cell phone bills or have the large prizes. And you didn't come at us with these lectures as a means toy-theft being a sometimes-activity. You came at us with a "stealing is wrong, and you should have never done it" ordeal. Followed by quotes about blood, sweat, and tears. That shit pissed me off. Seriously man, you are so damn indignant, and you got ZERO ground to stand on when you do it.
13) "As you know, I now go through walker's room every time he's gone." When I found a TILT basketball from the Rage in the Cage game in Walker's closet while he was in California for new years, that's when I thought he had been taking too much. Little toys and stuff were one thing. Small 2 cent chess sets made out of paper you know? Whatever, yeah? But this was too much. I didn't do anything about it then, because its a delicate situation. From Walker's point of view it wasn't a big deal, but to me as manager it was a lot more serious than a couple of little BS Chinese toys. So after he came back, when he went to work I'd take a quick look in his room to see if anything else showed up. I didn't go turning his whole room upside down like some pissed off parent. It didn't matter though, from Walker's point of view its the same thing. And I didn't blame him for being mad about it. Anyway, what the quote is from is when I did one day decide to be bold. And found in his dresser two STACKS of comic books from TILT. When I did that, I told Matt about it because I was livid. Matt's response to the situation(at first) was that he didn't approve of the methods, but understood that I had reasons, and that the find was quite a lot to take and it wasn't right. This, in my head, reaffirmed my right to be angry, and the angrier I got, the more Matt defended Walker. But before I was being out of line in the conversation, Matt for the most part agreed with me. So that's where that quote came from.
13a) Sorry, but if you're gonna tell this story, tell it right. You stole things worth 500 points and more, I had in my possession things that were only 150 points. My means of getting them were legitimate, and you didn't have the sense in you to ask on how I got them before you decided I was less than shit and stole them away from my room, AFTER you condoned snooping which...fuck dude, you just never do, that's room mate etiquette 101. I can't wait until you guys ever get a REAL room mate where you have real people who will smash your face in for shit like this. I love you like a brother, random lesser folks wouldn't be so kindly, no matter your excuses. PS: I won that ball, fair and square, in a manner that any customer would have.
14) "I can't wait until you guys ever get a REAL job where you have real managers who..." This was mostly directed towards Matt. Whose first job was TILT. The idea behind it being when Matt finally has to work for someone who didn't see him as a friend and wasn't lenient on the whole store like I was with everything up until the last moments, it would probably be a rude awakening for him.
14a) I should hope you meant that at Matt, even if it was incorrect to say. 'Cuz a decade of work experience having your job and bigger, tells me I know what I'm doing, and I can see what you did wrong. It's your first time running a show tho, yeah? So hopefully, you'll do better next time and do all the things you were supposed to, like carding kids buying alcoho--oh wait. That was your NEW job, after you quit TILT 'cuz you didn't like it anymore (read: had to do all the work by yourself rather then lobbing it at us).
Anyway, after clarification's over...I get that you are like everyone else, and that you are Human. However, these weren't taken out of context, or misleading--they were the real deal. Making mistakes is one thing, but it's not a crutch--you claim to have owned up, but apologies were never delivered here. In fact, very specifically I'm reading a paragraph from an old e-mail (concerning the snooping and comic books) where you said you WOULDN'T apologize, because you thought you did these things with good reason. Ain't the point of an apology man--an apology is up front, and it's to say "I was wrong." not, "I was right under the conditions I made up, but I guess not anymore, but I WOULD have been right!"...get me?
I know this blog seems like I'm joshin' you a lot, but fuck dude! I'm not trying to make you into some atrocious villain--I've met cats way worse than you, and I'll gut ol' Rick like a fish if I ever see him, but I do paint you as someone who's so busy wanting to be on top that you neglect your peers and center your attentions on one man: yourself. As for the doing-more-good-with-Bender bit, that wasn't a stab at you, that was a praise on Bender. I felt like I was doing things with him, 'cuz he actively went out and searched for people in need. That doesn't make you, Nick Troyer, any less of a human being, that's him being above and beyond the average man and I'm respecting him of it. Good energy, man, good energy.
And, if I came off as making that kind of guy--if I came off saying that as a comparison, I'm really, really sorry. It wasn't meant to be. That wasn't to downplay you, I was just like--holy fuck, this little time with Bender was exceptionally different than that lot of time with Troyer, where I was living previously, and it felt awesome. And if there's any point to bring on your character, it's that you did some things to me, that I would have never, done to you. And as for needing to feel like I left Florida triumphantly?...I don't think I did. In fact, I'd say I left Florida failing in my goals entirely, for the most part. The only time I left anyplace triumphantly was when I left TILT.
You're not the bad guy? Please. You're the instigator--or were. For every action you did, we just brought a reaction..and your actions were way worse. From hypocrisy and power-abuse to thieving on a serious level on your own brothers and e-mail snooping--or hey, snooping in general. Escalated? I'll say.
But...let's pull that to the side for a moment. That's a lot of bashing, and my arms're getting tired. Allow me to instead extend some congrats. You're not who you are anymore? Alright. I've yet to really see it, although yes you did offer the ride at Metrocon and no I didn't forget about it--I just don't trust anymore, see. But if really and truly, you're changing directions? Fantastic. Don't act petty? Sweet, s'not what some'a your boys've been saying, but...I'm not going to weigh that in. Hell, it's mixed signals anyway, since Mitch says you are clearly extremely sorry for all the wrong you did on us. Only problem with all of this...you didn't bring the apologies here, where they matter.
Maybe it doesn't wound you so terribly, that we aren't friends anymore and that you did this to ME, but it wounds me. You were, my BEST friend. You, not other people. We tackled everything together, and disrespect was never one of them 'til you decided I could be one of those guys you push around for whatever reason. Half a year? Ten years? Doesn't make a bit of difference, moving on's already done, but it's not going to be a session of skipping away. It's a big deal. I'm sorry, if you've felt wrong in any of this--Hell, I'm sorry if I've ever really wronged you without reason, but I'm pretty damn sure that just isn't a fact. To even think, to even LET some dumb shit like me stealing from YOU, creep up in your head, was mistake one, and you let it just snowball from there.
Hell, you were power-tripping before I even stepped on the scene--Steve said as much, and we all thought he was foolin' 'til we saw. Not the bad guy? No one is? Well, I don't think so. Hell, you should know better--that I will never do a thing bad 'less it's been bad at me first, in fact you know as well as any that I'm usually the #1 moral guy out there...above nearly anybody. I always try to do what's right, and to all the people here today? Know that from here and forevermore, I still always intend to do what's right. Any time I do an harmful deed, it's just me payin' some debts, 'cuz someone did it to me first. And I will never, ever, put a job above my friends, no matter what. Glad you "moved on" tho, bro, and good luck to you in your future endeavors.
Anyway, to the rest of the world? Sorry for the mix-up and to-the-side shit. I really, really am moved on from this, even if I Florida wrap-up didn't seem like so...the point of a wrap-up is really that you do over everything that happened that you can recall being significant to you. Is Nick Troyer the most evil thing in the universe? No. He's done his share of good things, some for me, some for others. It's just my opinion that he wants to be the head guy (self-admittedly it was always his dream to be the head of his crew), and he didn't like it when people didn't just do what he said 'cuz he started to abuse that power. Then, he got vindictive over the people vindictive on his power-abuse and horrible accusations--some of those accusations being made by assumptions, which this should learn everyone:
Never Assume. I hope he's really gotten his head on straight.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
"If you are a fish and somebody gives you a tie for your birthday you'd probably think to yourself 'What kind of stupid present is this? I have no neck. This thing will always be slipping off me. I'm underwater all the time. The pattern's hideous. What a complete rip-off.' But you'd say 'Thank you very much for your thoughtful present.' Because even if you're a fish manners cost nothing." - Mr. T concerning manners.
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." - Samuel L. Jackson concerning Ezekiel 25:17.
"It's two different guys with two different takes. One's opinion is grounded in facts and the other is a delusional, egomanical sycophant. I'll let you choose who is who." Eric Bischoff concerning Paul Heyman.
"Oh, please. A king is just a face for his kingdom. However, sharing his people's suffering is NOT the king's duty. Rather, his duty is to save his people from it." - King Kashu Arnague of Flame concerning how to properly lead.
"We of the Knights have no one castle or capitol, no place where we stand alone and in power. Our fortress is each other. Our territory and kingdom wheresoever we plant our feet and say, "I stand here for honor and justice. And no threat nor wrong shall sway me nor stand before me and survive. And no innocent shall be harmed, nor defenseless one attacked in my sight while I yet survive. I stand proud as a Knight-Protector." - Scott Antman concerning our old group statement.
current mood:  hungry
current music: Nobuo Uematsu - Auron's Theme
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| Friday, July 31st, 2009
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4:20 pm - ~Highlight Reel: Florida Wrap Up.~
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As you all know (those who read these things anyway), I've been planning a move from Florida back into California for some time now. That goal finally comes to an end August 1, 2009. It's such a fucked up number, man...I mean, seven months here in this mess? But then you realize, it's been even longer. Yeah, since October 2008. Now it's time go back. Not just back to California, oh no! Back to San José, California...which, as many of you may know, did not end on a high note, yet at the same time had some of the best and most defining moments of my life wrapped into it. So...Brian Randall predicted a great return, which I thought, "return to San José? I doubt it", and yet........here we are!
So, to celebrate all this going back, I've decided to give a wrap up of some of my most memorable events here in Florida a la Skillz Rap Up sans actually rhyming haha. Forward!
First and most of all, let's cast back to the set up...who remembers Metrocon 2008? Man, the team of Walker, Nick, Mitch, and Kurtis was like an unstoppable force. Good times were had by many, and we rocked the house. Sure there was little on sleeping, and little on food, but we did what we had to do and saw it through. With the Fran Chant backin' us, how could we lose? And the next Metrocon, the one this year? It's too bad Kurtis missed it, and same with Fran too. But it was Mitch-run and packed with awesome, I'm just so sorry some of the higherups think they're better than some. Maybe they'll some day come down to our level and act the family we're supposed to be, but 'til that day we'll keep that spirit strong.
And the vacation thereafter? Man it was slammin' (and I don't mean there was literal slams Nick), with the Troyer house a thing of warmth and pleasant. I miss those days man, how could things go so wrong? First it was just pay half a cable bill then chip in for food. Then $50 a paycheck, then $70 a paycheck, then $80 a paycheck, and even when I paid more than that, I still did wrong? I figure there must'a been somethin' else at large here 'cuz, I got no idea. Still all the same, I give them respect and thankyous, maybe I didn't agree with the tactics, but I believe in lots of their views. I appreciate all that they were willing to do, even if it went eschewed, and I'll be looking to repay that favor some day for sure.
And who remembers the D&D table? Every damn Thursday we'd be up in there, doin' our thing. Our waitresses were rockin' at the Denny's, and it'd be me and Nick, and Chris and Jill, and Hell even Steve. But do you remember before that? When Justin was runnin' the show and it was fulla crap! Gave us all the "Wish" spell to use as we pleased, and then told us that that's not how our wish spell really worked. Monsters that were just downright funny, with monsters that were made of illusion magic that could bleed blood that really did poison that also existed in an anti-magic field...that kinda shit! So silly, even the Matt of back then took away his DM sheets.--"No, THAT'S how a wish spell really works!" Haha!
And watchin' Firefly with Jordan was a damn good time. Dude didn't even know there was more to Serenity, and damn near lost his mind when he found out! Too bad he never called for the last few episodes. Oh well, maybe some day right? His family is awesome in more ways than I can explain...Sonja and Maddie make me smile as much as he did, with good life to them and good heart. I hope that Jordan gets outta life what he wants, he seems to be as frustrated as I am and on the same amount of time. I hope soon enough he asks Sonja to marry him, 'cuz the way I see it? It seems destined to happen. Good luck to them both then and there, and hey while we're at it? Good luck to ol' George too.
And hangin' with Shadowfax, man what a guy! Gave us whole reasons to even come out of our house. Since Denny's was too far away, something needed to replace it. What an option! Applebee's was the shit, hangin' with Mitch, Matt, and Chris--listening to people sing (both good and bad) and laughing at shitfests (read: Nitro). Man, what impossibly bad rap on karaoke! Nitro would go up and sing Gangster's Paradise or California Love adding in his own brand of extra white nonsense all over it, and whoo! Between Mitch's ex Erica and Jessica re-singing "You ought'a know!", we were about done! And while we barely got to see the DJ, we could help him set up every week it happened. And when the Metrocon came, man I'm sorry for what happened to your dad...here's hoping things go better from here, especially with your mother having to cope. Thanks for keeping us apart of your team, I only hope we can be even more helpful next year. You ever need us for any, you'll sure let us know? Hell, I'll take a plane flight down just to solve any problems you have, and that's no bullshittin'.
And Mitch my brother! Stood tall, stood true...without you, there would be so much unaccomplished. Rubbin' your belly to the music is still one of our funniest moments, as well as weirdin' poor Matt out. It never made sense to me why you stuck with guys that've proven less than loyal, but that's always been you--forgiving and diplomatic, and maybe we've all got a lot to learn from you! And Mitch here made sure we had a BSG page, by sendin' in the photo when they took it over and convincin' MySpace who it really belonged to! And Mitchrocon, where we ran Ballroom A? There's no Metrocon that's been funner since 4.5. Remember doin' Tech Crew dance with the crowd behind them? They didn't know WHAT to do. Man good times...I'm sorry that we didn't get to hang out as much as we would have liked--that's right, once a week not good enough for you man. You're gonna be one of those things I miss most of all!
And biggest moment ever? Nicholas Bender. How the Hell can I sum up you? You came here for a few weeks and turned the world upside down. While things were unsettled to begin with, you pointed out where they was, and made it right. I did more good with Bender in two weeks in his passenger seat, then I did in four months livin' with Troyer! It felt real good to get shit done for people, just for the sake of them, regardless of what time was sacrificed. There was that time we drove a city away just to save a girl from her punk-ass boyfriend, remember how he was talkin' shit? I hope that poor girl gets a better boyfriend than a jerk like that. And man, we ate at Outbacks more time then we ever needed. Got a lot to thank you for man, so glad you're finally home...Florida needs it's champion. I hope to see you all the more.
And Nick Troyer? I would say something on him, but I'll let him sum himself up with some quotes:
"I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this arcade!"
"I threw Walker's cup away to be a dick.
"I know this makes me sound like a dick, but I think it's all Bender's fault."
"That's the kind of guy Nick Bender is. ... On a personal level? That kid is gutter trash."
"Steve Snyder does his job. The rest of you don't!"
"I don't steal from TILT. Sure, I borrowed money from the store's safe a few times, but I ALWAYS paid it back."
"Do it or you're fired!" - to cleaning up his own mess
"OR YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND SLAM SHIT AROUND!" - Angry after slamming shit around for a half hour.
"He's been a good friend to me for over a year now and that is no lie. But I'm not gonna bend over backwards for him either."
"The glasses needed to be cleaned, so I drew CLEAN ME on it." - a foot away from the glass cleaner.
"I can tell you I definitely didn't go through your e-mails. Do you remember how many times you've had to trust me with that password because I simply cannot remember its jumbledness?" - Shortly before MySpace confirms Nick Troyer used the e-mail to hack MySpace password.
"Tilt is NOT your toybox, Walker." - From the guy that took many, many toys from TILT.
"As you know, I now go through walker's room every time he's gone."
"I can't wait until you guys ever get a REAL job where you have real managers who..."
Man, I could just go on. So, on to the next guy!
Steve? I don't get where he's comin' from. Sometimes he's workin' for Nick, and sometimes he's tryin' to chum it up. But one thing's for sure, we had good times, hangin' out late at night at the Denny's when no one else would. And remember when that Twilight shit first was gonna come around? We summed it all up at once, with several laughs and good times. And the Denny's crew? I'm gonna always remember you--I hope to visit you, too. From Christina (sorry 'bout spillin' those croutons! We made up for it by cleaning up after the Italian Jersey guys, right? XD!) all the way to Kelly and Patrick, and J.T. and Mike...Charlie! Everyone! And those crazy kids who tried to have sex in the bathroom? XD Man that was funny, interrupting their high note. Christmas and New Years was a blast, and I'll never forget all the free stuff we had. Pineapple Dreams, they rock the house! And we'll be back.
Fran...what more can I say? The very times we see you, it makes our day. And I'm sure you know that much, that people love to hang with you, but just in case that wasn't clear, we made a Fan Club dedicated to you! I'm sorry you miss Metrocon this year--let us know if you need help attending the next time, 'cuz we'll prolly be able to get you in. Don't let Gabe trash talk on Terry Bogard, and make sure you don't let anyone ruin your good times--stay true to yourself, you're a light in the lives of many. Good luck on graduating and achieving your goals, and I hope you'll stay in Florida...'cuz anywhere else you go? We'll miss you there. ('Less you come to Cali!, haha!)
Star Party? This year you were amazing. It was such an honor to work with you all! Everyone was so good to meet, some from previous years, and some whole new peeps! And wasn't it crazy that everyone's outfits were so good? Our Misty was spot on if not even greater, and our Meryl looked better than the original girl she was tryin' to portray! (then again, that was true when Iris played Penny as well!) Katie, I hope you feel better on yourself, don't give yourself such a hard time! Good luck on cheering up, and we'll be around if you need us. Your story was great, thanks for letting me read it! And Mike and Casey, thanks for all your help at the end of the night--we packed that shit up faster than we ever have. Sorry about being too heavy when you tried to pick me up Mike, and Casey...we're serious! Keep off your injured foot next time! Frankie? You give Black Kyo a big "Hello", we never get to see him much, but he's always a good guy. Make sure you play the shit outta KoF 12 and lemme know how it goes! And thanks for making us not feel so out of place when the Cast Party came around.
To all you people, good and bad--to Florida. Man, I'm gonna miss you. I'll be back around, Metrocon don't stop, and I'll come down for other things to. We got family here, no matter how rocky the past--and we'll make the best of it and make it up to you all, you just wait and see. For now, this computer's gotta be packed up and we gotta leave! I'll update you when I get back to California, hopefully tomorrow but possibly Monday at the latest...who knows man, might be a shit-ton of things to discuss! It'll be good to be back in the land where folks like Kurtis Dustin reside, and #2 and Jacob...the whole San José cast is gonna be there for sure. At bag check itself, me and Matt will be met by Rebecca, Rebecca (Zeke's XD), and Jimling. First order of business? I'm gonna be pulling for some Mountain Mike's. 'Cuz the lack of that here in Florida has me shakin' my head. Maybe some Green Sauce burritos at Taco Bell, since they don't have Green Sauce here either! See you there.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
PS: Happy Birthday, Jamie. And thanks so much for all this help, Bender!
current mood:  ready to go!
current music: Limp Bizkit - Home Sweet Home
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| Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
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5:17 pm - ~Metrocon VII -- no, excuse me, Mitchrocon!~
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KATIE~!! Katie, what in the specter'a Hell are you playin' at?? My play don't crash! If it crashes, you crashed her!!
-An excerpt concerning Katie showing up last minute for the Star Party (but she did, and Star Party was awesome as Hell!)
Prologue to Metrocon VII
So when we left you off, we discussed Metrocon as an event that would star me, Mitch, Kurtis, Matt, and Chris! I'm sorry the lateness of this journal entry, but there was a Cast Party a few weeks after the con, and I wanted to get that included in this...so, the notion was that Chris and Mitch would pick me and Matt up on Thursday on their way from Sarasota to Tampa, and the four of us would meet Kurtis there in Tampa because that's where his plane would come in. Unfortunately, hardly anything works out the way it's supposed to this year revolving room and travel plans, and so several upsets occurred that changed things here and there. The big one being, that Kurtis wasn't able to pool the money enough to make it this year whatsoever...so it was down to the four of us.
The next big surprise on our menu few weeks before the convention was that Chris wasn't able to drive us down due to a fireman's training session they apparently scheduled for him on this same exact day--Thursday. This threatened to be a monkey wrench, that ruined our plans, but we had a few last-minute alternatives from kindly parents of Matt and Mitch, with us accepting Mitch's dad's offer over the rest just because he probably made that trip a lot and he was (as Mitch said) happy to do it. That problem out of the way, it looked like everything was set! Drive down to Metrocon on Thursday! Mitch figures we should go over Wednesday night, so's we can leave bright-and-early like.
Then the NEXT big thing, and this was very much last minute, like...within a day or something, Chris says he can't drive us home either because he can't make it for load out either (and without being there for load-in or load-out where all the work is, I worried he wouldn't even be able to have a free tech badge X.x)...because apparently he didn't get his day off on Monday that he should have asked for at least three months in advance. Man...like me and Nick used to say for years, nothin' stops our Metrocon plans. Especially jobs. I remember when jobs tried to pull shit on me, last-minute telling me I can't have the days off I requested hahaha, I was like, "...No, no, sir, you misunderstand. I said I'm not going to be here on those dates, I'm not requesting them off. I'm requesting that I keep my job despite it."
Because fuck 'em.
But anyway, this posed another real big last-minute change. So, Mitch calls about and gets Lauren to be our ride (and thank her very kindly for doing so!), and we're on our way...we think. That very evening, Chris poses for us a conundrum...a riddle, if you will. Not really, but it's something else we didn't expect. He would like Dakota to fill in for the two days he's not staying, by staying two days with Chris. So, four days total for the both of them, but they'd spend all four of those days on two days...if that makes sense. Anyhow, Matt apparently talked to Mitch enough on it, and Mitch talked to Chris, and Chris said to Mitch that they'd pay $100 each and that it'd be $200 total, for the room. Which is $25 more than what Chris would pay if Chris had stayed all four days alone.
So...with all of this, the next-day comes around and we're scrambling our last-minute Metrocon supplies together all packed, when Mitch proceeds another change-up...and this one is to help Fax load the truck from his house. Now, I have this faint impression that we've done this before for him, but if not I've certainly unloaded the truck--me n' Roy n' James were pretty much all of Fax's help doing it last year. All for helpin' Fax (or 'least I was), I was rarin' to go...with the slight dilemma that my traditional Metrocon blunders with my feet and/or legs kept true this year. But rather than it being some giant fall injury as previous that take out the knees or something (tie your shoes children!), this time around I'd gone and messed up my feet real good.
See, back in San José, me and Jim walked everywhere barefoot. Like, dry desert heat, every summer day 90 to 115 degree weather, and we'd just walk barefoot to places near us. Laundry room? Barefoot. 7-11 across the street? Barefoot. We had developed callouses on our feet (feet looked normal but were harder than simple babyflesh) purposefully for this cause, so it was never a notion that we couldn't do this. And even now, in this new apartment complex, it never occurred to me that all this time not doing any walking on the hot asphalts of California would take away my ability to--but, it sure did! I went and gathered my laundry, and proceeded to go and take it to the cleaners in the mid-afternoon, walkin' along on my bare feet 'cuz this is how it's done to the laundry room.
...Whole way there, no pain or anything beyond slightly hot which is to be expected.
Same with all the way back. Then, once finally back on carpet, my feet feel a tingly. Like, a little painful even, a little bit...raw. But I go out and I do it again right after 'cuz I forgot to drop off an article of clothing. Whole way there, no pain again from asphalt, whole way back, good to go...then on carpet again, feeling was even worse! Finally I figured they just needed to cool off, but what really happened is I got what Mitch deemed a "water blister". It turns out, second degree burns may result in blistered skin. Blisters can also form on the hands and feet as a result of tissue damage incurred by what's called scalding; it's a "bubble" in the skin filled with serous fluid as part of the body's reaction to the heat and nerve damage. With no callouses, this is what I got--burns, and eventually, blister.
This haunted me for the first half of Metrocon in varying degrees, and this is exactly what I had to work with while down at Fax's house loading the van, but man we did it anyway--me, Mitch, James, and Matt doin' heavy-lifts (Matt on serious PB&J Sammich creation on the latter half), while ol' Prismcat got smaller things, and Don stopped by momentarily to load up lil' truck thing as well. And Fax...drifted about, pointing and mostly dealing with the problems in his life (which were that his father was in the hospital). It got loaded in no time, and to Mitch's we then went. We walked to 7-11 with Mitch's room mate Dan, got some BC Powder which is an over-the-counter analgesic pain reliever. Because of its powder form, it dissolves faster than pain-relief tablets, and thus gets to work faster. Good stuff!
We then go to sleep, and wake up proper-early in the morning, and off we go!
Thursday, June 18th
Steve, Mitch's dad, is an excellent guy, and I am very thankful for the ride, because we had good fun and damn good music. And you know, the ride itself haha! Upon touchin' down, I felt immediately at home again. I've lived all over the place, lots of it in California, but not even goin' back to the Folsom or Marysville houses would ever feel like more home to me than Metrocon. Even without it being here yet, it was still the epitome of the concept--I could smell it in the air. I wasn't sure how Metrocon would go, or even feel, without Nick in my ranks this time around. There were also several people not returning this time around that were considered (by me) to be Metrocon staples, such as Jean, Suzy, aforementioned Kurtis, Sam, Fran, Adrianna or her crew...
Hell, even Roy wasn't gonna be here this time around, as I understand it. In fact, between Roy's problems (and Fax trying to put out the fire caused by them) and Fax's father in serious medical condition, this is why we didn't have official BSG Tech Crew shirts or official BSG Tech Crew badges with our names on them made out for me and my crew's part of the Tech Crew. It's totally understandable, and unfortunately not everything works out right...but we'll get to that later. I wasn't worried, but at the same time, I won't say it was feeling right either 'til that very moment. It felt very good to be back, and I knew Mitch felt it too...because he completely forgot his cellphone in his dad's car XD!
The first hour of us is trying to check in--we're here damned early, Fax ain't even here yet, so it was me and Matt trying to make it happen all correctly while Mitch went to find a phone--any phone--so he could call his dad. Unfortunately there was none, so he had to use the phone in the room. And unfortunately, Mitch's dad was far too gone. Since Chris was coming tomorrow, it was the notion Chris would bring it by tomorrow. It's then we met Prismcat on the way, four of us wolfed down an early breakfast courtesy of the hotel, and proceeded to walk our way (or, for me, hobble my way--where's Steve at to call me House??) to the big ballroom in the convention center to start this bad boy up. We're greeted there by Fax and James and a few nondescript side helpers (one of which--Isa Sherry--stuck by a long time when she didn't have to--so thank you, you person you! It's appreciated!) and we fairly quickly got everything up an running, if I do say so myself.
...Even if between every major lift-and-move, I was sittin' down as to rest my feetsies.
Still, me and James busted out on the wall-hangers pretty quickly (or what I call the things that go on the diamond-shape truss, which was a much better truss set up this year I might add...you know, the typical egg lights and such.) Mitch was also kickin' ass, but he had to leave to perform Tech in Ballroom A which is the very thing that Mitch is taking over this year! Running it completely! And we being Mitch's very good friends, that means we'd be there too to assist him with whatever. This little slice of Metrocon we'd soon be dubbing Mitchrocon, because it's the part of the convention where furries wouldn't be as appreciated. (Seriously, they were everywhere for the first half of the convention. Mitch just glared at them and shook his head in disapproval the whole time.)
This would end up being the center-stage for a lot of events, with two speakers on either side, and a nice little sound system. It was then that we were met with several rehearsals thereafter, first with the ol' Metro Star Party! Now, I'd never seen this event before unfortunately, but I hear it's been a big hit, and I didn't realize Mike (Mario-Mike Harrington, not Kyo-Mike Burgess) was runnin' the show! Involved also was Maddie, who we (me and Nick) tried to help out many times in our past if you recall...she got her camera stolen and we went looking all over everywhere for it, and then the other con where she collapsed of some sort of heat stroke? Or...something to that effect, at the rave. In the days when Vicky and Liz had a lot of time to talk to folk, hahaha! Poor girls workin' a lot these days, but I imagine that's same with everyone at the Chess Match and Masquerade stuff.
Anyhow! Along with Maddie (who was gonna be Peach) was also lilo' Katie playin' Kasumi/Misty from Pokémon (who you remember was the chica in the doll role doing that badass intermission!), and several new people I got the honor of meeting and befriending! First was Iris, who was gonna play Meyrl from Metal Gear Solid in this and also had another show in the same Ballroom with Mr. Sherman Christensen (a Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along play), James Wood who I'd met briefly previously but never had the honor of working with (he played Solid Snake from same game), Casey Ritchie who played a badass Samus (Metroid), Frankie McMahon (who looked very excellent in a suit by the way), and a whole slew of other folk that, while I didn't get to interact with as much as these previously mentioned, were all great people. By far, these people were the highlight of my stay here at Metrocon--no, excuse me. Mitchrocon.
We watched the rehearsals for both the Star Party and the Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along play, and seeing both rehearsals was well worth it because they were a lot of fun and you got to see insight to everyone's character, and how they looked out of costume before they re-performed it in costume the next day...got to see how Mike ran his crew (did Metrocon seem a little militant to you this year? Lots of "yes sirs" and barkin' orders...might just be me, tho.), got to meet all these wonderful people and see how they tinker with ideas, and mostly just had a real good time with it all. After this was completed, we went to help out Mitch in his set up, and then we all eventually moseyed on back to the house to collapse and die. I was fine mostly, 'sept for my feet--I really, really don't like this curse of traditions haha.
From here-on out we pretty much slept, with the only brief wake-up in it bein' Nick Troyer callin' in the wee-hours of the night to tell Mitch that he, himself, was going to be bringing the phone for Mitch. I didn't even recognize him I was so out of it, not 'til Mitch told me who it had been the next morning hahaha. Matt, as so far, didn't quite understand what Metrocon meant the poor guy...the rehearsals weren't enough to spark it, he didn't get the notion of what this place was about...he felt like he'd wasted money on something he didn't want to do, and I hoped that with this very next morning--when Metrocon officially kicked off--we would be able to show him once and for all that Metrocon is not something you miss, even for your job's sake. And, it turns out? It worked.
Friday, June 19th
Day started off, kinda cool--we got up later than Mitch, took our showers, got dressed, and went to breakfast. As typical of me, I'm not hungry when I first wake up, so it was mostly Matt stackin' up on the donuts and me getting a glass of 98% Water (read: 2% Milk)...which, mind you, today tasted like it had insecticide in it. Not fun. But in the plus side, we ran into Vicky there and got to jibba-jabba for a bit before she took off, and then I guess off we went too. We wanted to hit the Metrocon Star Party good and proper, since we knew they were gonna do another rehearsal and we wanted to be there with Mitch when it all went down, and see the others. This is the very thing that Katie showed up last minute for (Matt: "She's a girl after your own heart, Walker--always last minute!") that I tossed out the Malcolm Reynolds line at, and the second rehearsal was all in-costume and as fun as the first!
Then came the real deal, and lemme tell you...these guys know how to ad-lib and fix dialogue when something doesn't go right, 'cuz like once or twice it went down, and it was seamless transition. The crowd that was let in got all into it, and that's where Carrie--if you remember her from last year--showed up in the middle. Asked on her oogie-woogie bear (Kurtis), but no go...so just hung out with us and had good times haha. The Metro Star Party is several short skits based around Super Smash Bros. (and other inside jokes developed by them), and between each skit is a series of games the Star Party heroes initiate for the audience to go about and play, and collect "stars" from the cast to turn in for various prizes. Katie and Logan (who played Ash) covered Poké-trivia, Samus did Galaxy-Bowling where you rolled a giant smash ball at large, hand-crafted bowling pins, I think James was doin' various exercises? Regardless, it was good, and throughout Mike's givin' out prizes with Madison.
Then they come back for the final act, cheer away, and show's over...ran about two hours, and it was a blast. We proceeded to do what's now known as the Tech-Crew Dance, which I'd used variously in my life as a modified Jim-Erickson-Waving-Around-In-The-Back-Of-James-Major's-Car-Like-An-Idiot dance, and really caught on. Now everyone tech crew knew the dance--it's just wild flailing crab-like motions in place. It's fun. Anyhow, we did this during the dance-scene too, everyone loved it and thought we were goofy--later down helping them with the cleanup, Casey did it too haha, so she started doing it with us. It was awesome. Later down we took a look around, grumbled at the massive amount of animal-suited people that refused to talk that tried to hug us and invaded our space, and saw more rehearsals for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along play (is it me, or did he just go through it with a new girl one-by-one? Better to walk through all at once, would be my figurin'...)
We eventually left for Publix, to get sammiches, and that was fun. Did plenty of exploring, too, using last year's badge (we had this year's, but fuck it last year had my name, and they accepted it at face value. All 'sept that one bastard! >/)
We finally ran into Chris and Dakota, so me and Matt went back to the room to bring them in, and Chris then took off to find Mitch while Dakota hung around for story-time. (He got curious as to how things ended up the way they are with Nick Troyer, and so we told him what we saw), and...then we realized we'd been late for the Masquerade! And I always try to make that 'cuz I know Vicky's involved in directing, and other friends of ours would prolly be in it (Sherman was for instance), so off we went to check out the show. Dakota split off from us to go find Mitch, while we went in and sat down at the VIP table we always do (like a bosssss.) and watched on. We'd missed some of it, but the tale was pretty easy to catch onto--it was a mix-up of The Prince and the Pauper. Like last year with Katie's performance, it was the intermission that stole the show though, with another talented mechanical-doll style set up this time by Anne Tully (who, it turns out, is also in the Dr. Horrible Sing-Along play.)
After it was over, tradition mandated that our boss ol' Fax perform his usual DJ jam. Unfortunately, something had gone wrong with something or rather and he could no longer get a signal from his computer to the rest of the system, so he had the DJ that was supposed to perform with him tomorrow night, go on tonight instead. This was particularly disappointing not just because Fax puts on a damn good, clean fun rave, but there'd be no Thriller played, a Michael Jackson beat that I told Fax to play one year. He told me the people wouldn't go for it, but we assured him they'd love it, and sure enough they did after he put it on (we bet him pizza on it), and surely he's played it ever since. I'd hoped he'd play it, as per tradition ('cuz he's put it on ever since them) tomorrow night, but....no. Nothin' makes a party shake like MJ, you say what you want about him as a person...and what happened a few days later? Michael Jackson dies! T_T Should'a kept up the tradition, man!
...Anyhow. Mitch shows up, and after a few jams from this new guy (who, mind you, is league's better than Greg), we decide to uphold a different tradition. The break-from-rave-to-walk-to-Walgreen's-Friday-night tradition! And away we go--all the five of us walking. Well. They walked. I hobbled. But, you know. We made it there, got anti-blister bandages (that helped minimally) and hung out. Then, we went back, and proceeded to lounge about the con 'til sleep time, where we spent several hours in the dark making really, really horrible Pokémon puns without pause or cease except to give long-winded, haggard man-giggles. I don't know how we eventually went to sleep, but we did, and the day seemed to go off perfect and without a hitch and it was by now that Matt had learned what the Metrocon Spirit was alla 'bout! Soon enough, however, he's also learn about the traditional balancing Metrocon Dramabomb that would come along with it...the next day.
Saturday, June 20th
Saturday seemed to begin as any other would. Chris and Mitch got up first, showered, and left and their leavin' woke up me and Dakota. Dakota hit the shower first, and came out, and I went in then after. By the time I got out, Dakota had gone off, and Matt was still sleeping so I left as well. The morning went by amusingly--I hung out with Mitch right outside Mitchrocon (read: Ballroom A) and laughed at shit, and philosophized about what exactly made Metrocon, Metrocon--that thing that really captured the essence of it. It isn't about Roy, it isn't about chess matches or even costumes, it's...freedom, and being with your friends during this time of vacation and expression, and just havin' a fuckin' blast laughing at shit. I mean...that's really it right there. Family, and comradeship, and unity through common interests, and just getting some days away from...everything else.
I dunno...but, then suddenly, we see people doing this line-dance of ear-wiggles and such (someone called it the Caramel dance or something?), and me and Mitch interrupt it with Tech Crew dance--a FAR more sudden and silly dance, haha! Here's a video that doesn't catch us well:
Anyhow. Later down, me and Mitch go in to listen to the torturous sounds of Random Encounter. It's nothing horrible in a sense, but the...I dunno, when they get to singing, it kinda kills it, and they aren't doing much new here (although they're trying with the accordion). In the end, however, we all just kinda shrug (or hate them when they do something particularly kill-worthy). Dakota and Chris join us half through, and when it ends they leave to go back to the hotel. I stay back to help set up the Outland Armour: Steampunk Costuming show as best as I can, but the pain in my feet is just immense by now, and no silly blister-bandaids are helping any by this point. Mitch mentions (as he had this whole convention) that I should just pop 'em with his knife (sorry for the visuals!), but no one's seen his knife anywhere.
I'd done this already Friday, but a slash via a knife heals fast on me, so they just went and healed up. So...deciding I should do this again, it was off to the hotel room. Now, it turns out that Dakota and Chris still hadn't gotten there, so I joined them--if nothing else, I could wake Matt's ass up since we hadn't seen him. So we walk (or, again, I hobble) on down to the hotel and go up. The room's vacant, Matt must'a gotten up some point, so I flop down upon that couch and cool my heels...literally, I really don't want to move at all anymore. I can't see Mitch's knife anywhere from my spot, so I just have no idea what'm gonna do. Chris walks into the bathroom, and proceeds to explain (in grand irritance) that the bathroom was fucked up beyond repair.
First, he mentions that the floor is wet. Keep in mind, I hear no splooshes or anything, so it couldn't have been that soaked, but even then a wet floor on a bathroom from four guys taking a shower isn't that unheard of. Mitch did a number on it all by his lonesome the day previous, haha! Nothing a quick towel can't fix. Then he goes on to say that the bathtub is clogged by some unknown means, going on to say he can't see why, and then Dakota and him go on to joke that Matt must'a dumped in there or some crap like that. Meanwhile, Dakota's also gone in this to spot his towel on top of his backpack--his personal towel he brought only for himself. And he honestly and truly believes he put this towel away when they left, and now it's out! And since Matt was left here by his lonesome, they turn all this onto Matt.
Right. Matt looked through their things, grabbed DAKOTA'S towel, and destroyed the bathroom.
First and foremost, Chris goes on to say there are dry towels unused in the bathroom already--hotel towels. The bathroom is between where Matt was sleeping, and where Dakota's stuff was stuffed into a corner behind a dresser and hidden. Now, let's set aside that Matt would never do such a thing...let's say it's possible. Now, I know Matt better than most, and I know for a fact this dude's a lazy. He'd walk right into the bathroom and take a shower using hotel towels right there well before he traveled across the entirety of the two hotel rooms to the other ride of the room, pulled out Dakota's backpack hidden behind the corner, rifled through it and retrieved a USED towel from Dakota's arsenal just turn around and use it again. MWA HA HA HOW DASTARDLY, I SHALL USE THEIR TOWEL!!!!...come on. Even if he did, even if it were at all possible, grow a set man, towels can be washed! It's water!
Anyhow, they're both apparently lit up by this apparent breach of contract. Dakota says he won't even go to the bathroom without shoes on 'cuz it's wet in there, puts them on, and goes stomping into the bathroom. Not a single sound of water from that stomping, those are dry floors. But, that's just what I hear--they're kinda in the doorways, and my feet kinda hurt a lot, so I don't get up any, I just watch on and try to sort out their anger right? And Chris here, he's real indignant sounding here...he wants his money back, says he wants his 30 bucks back or some shit. And I'm like, there is no $25, there's only $25 additional he threw in. And he goes on to say he only agreed to pay $160 for both of them. And, that didn't even begin to add up--I says, "It's supposed to be $175 from the both of you, 'cuz that's what four days is, and you staying two days and Dakota staying two days equals out to four days. 'Sides, the extra bit's supposed to be for Lauren."
And he's mad--he's like, "Who the fuck cares about Lauren? I'm not her caretaker, who agreed to that shit?" and I said, "Well no one, you already said you intended to pay $200 between you and Dakota, we just thought that was awfully nice of you and decided to SAY the additional $25 was Lauren's bit, since she's staying Sunday night haha!"...you know. Teehees. And he goes, "I wasn't supposed to pay $200." And I say, "Well according to Mitch, that's what you were gonna pay, so go on now and talk that out with Mitch, 'cuz I'm not handling cash this time around." and then he goes, "Well...I did tell Mitch we were gonna pay $200, but that was money I threw in to him because I was being inconvenient." and I said, "Well...see? There you go." and Chris ends it with, "But now I'M being inconvenienced by the mess in the bathroom, and Dakota's being inconvenienced because someone used his towel, and now we want our $25 back!" and they proceed to leave in a huff to go and find Matt on exactly this matter.
...Keep in mind I'm still in pain haha. I proceed to do a long look for that knife now that the place is quiet, and as I do I peek into that bathroom. No, the floor is dry, like I thought I heard. The bath tub IS clogged, but the water is very clear. And you can (very clearly) see WHY it is clogged, because Matt stepped on the clogger when he was getting out of the shower. It's HARMLESS. So I undo the plug, and hobble out to continue searching 'til Mitch and Matt come in. Apparently, Mitch already found Chris and Dakota, and heard from them that Dakota wanted his money back. I was like, "no that was Chris. But, it's prolly extended to both by now." and I fill them in on exactly what happened, and Mitch here's like, "Oh God damn it, Dakota prolly just left his towel on his bag and thought he put it inside the bag...he's always doing shit like this!"...and I can see that haha. Matt resolves to deposit the money now and work it out with them that issue over the $25 when they come back, leaves mad.
While up there, Mitch and me get to talking...just reflecting how awesome things were just the night before, and how really, really lame this shit is, and how Dakota and Chris prolly just wanted to go room in Nick and Steve's room and didn't wanna tell us so they concocted this whole ordeal, when suddenly Mitch mentions that Cass is here at Metrocon looking for me. ...WAIT, HOLD UP, STOP.
If you guys remember (or search back far enough), you will find that Cass--Cassandra Lewellen--was Troy's girlfriend that I met at Metrocon I, and had been room mates with there all the way 'til Metrocon IV. That whole original crew, that I'd'a gladly been with again 'sept she didn't make it Metrocon IV, and I hadn't seen her since Metrocon III's stay over here in Florida. I used to go to her house when the deed was done, and stay there with Troy for weeks. Her, her brother, her mother, all wonderful people, and I miss days at their house like you couldn't believe. Like, I'd pay con money just to attend those fun times at that house again haha. She always said she'd try to make the next con, but you know, never really did, so when she mentioned she might make this one...you know, grain of salt. Then suddenly, WHAT?! She's fuckin' HERE?! O LAWDY! Time to go see my old friend! Just then though, Matt comes back in with Chris and Dakota in tow.
Chris and Dakota already asked on the deposit of the cash, and Matt's like "Yes I did put the money in" and they start packin' up their things. "Alright, but we're leaving. We can't trust our stuff not to be looked through, and the bathroom--" and I cut them off. I'm like, guys, the bathroom was fine, I looked it over perfectly, and found the reason why the tub is clogged up. And no one took Dakota's towel out that's just ridiculous! And Chris goes on to say, "Well I have paranoia problems, even if there's no reason to suspect anyone, I do, and now I can't sleep here because of them, so we're gonna just go back to Sarasota tonight. We want $100 back, since we're only staying one night."...and we try talkin' them, but we really can't right? And unfortunately, we didn't expect them to do this whole "go home early, gimme back $100" bit. Matt could'a returned the $25, but $100 we just don't have, and we tell them as much. I say, we'll try to give 'em their dues at a later date, and they leave.
Now, Matt and Chris are pissed at one another but good--and I think Matt's got a good reason to be. In Matt's mind, once he found out they lied to him (they didn't go home, they stayed at Nick Troyer's room like me and Mitch suspected), he adamantly refused to pay them back on the grounds that they can't just commit to a deed and then back out half-way back and expect a refund, akin to how you can't use up a product at a grocery store half-way and then give it back for a full refund. ...I agree with that notion, although I still think Chris is owed something for not getting anything out of that $100 spent. Now...I asked the hotel (Embassy Suites) how they handle a situation like this, and they say if anyone pulls out of a reservation half-way through attending it, they require that person pay $75 of it still regardless, for the hassle of pulling out of a commitment. This, again, puts Chris back at $25.
I'll get it to him soon as I got a job, for sure, if he's really that concerned on it.
But, I agree that whole situation was extremely dumb. Plus side? It's back to the three of us, the Mitchrocon Tech Crew, and it's good and silent because of it! Mitch and Matt take off again to do the next big thing--Who's Line Is It Anime, I guess. So, I'm left on the couch, no knife still (no one knows where it is), and in considerable pain if I try to walk on these feet again, with the packing of the water-blister smashing against the skin and such. I remember Cass is here, and it drives me crazy I'm not there right now saying hi! So I figure, fuck it, gotta find that knife and start looking everywhere for that sumbitch. No go. I sit down frustrated from looking, and then look over to my coat, trying to think of anything else sharp I can get in this place. Knives? No, butter knife won't do. Pen? No...wait. Pen. Pin. I look over to my coat.
The Barack Obama pin I always wear on my coat!! I drag myself across the room to where my coat's been tossed to the side, and get the pin off, and use it. Sure enough, it works like a charm--immediate relief from pain with the pocket of liquid opened up, and this time not with a knife but with holes--they won't heal near as fast as a sliced cut. Now, I'm 100% back-to-badass Walker, and I feel all this energy I didn't have (or couldn't) use swelling back in me...I feel like a million dollars. I can run, jump, kick, crush, and Hammerdance all over again hahaha. So! It's off to find Cass! I rush down the several floors to the lobby, and find Mitch and Carrie there again with Matt, and bug on Mitch for where she is, what she looks like--it's been a few years, dunno what she's wearing or what hairstyle she's fancied. Mitch, however, has no idea. He's never met her, he says...which I know is nonsense, but prolly never well. This information came right from Nick, it seems, and some other guy.
So, I hang out with Matt at the door after Carrie has us bodyguard the door (check badges and such), and I'm trying to spot Cass from my post...no good. I inform Matt all about who this is and what she's all about, and he digs the history, when suddenly I SPOT her. On the damn escalator. I spring with the quickness and like lightning disappear, leaving Matt behind to keep on door duty (which he seems to be very much enjoying) and go to Cass, and with Cass is her mom! Man, memories!! I say hi to everyone, hugs are exchanged, and Metrocon feels back to right again--like Dakota and Chris who? Cass wants me to follow her up into a few panels, and we do, while I try to convince her that she needs to be out of Indiana. Apparently, Troy's become a jerkface...and I kinda knew this, it's why we all lost contact. Troy painted me in a bad picture, I'm sure, and I had my problems with him, and Cass was very, very loyal to Troy...so, if me and Troy weren't gonna get along, no way was she going to either.
BUT THEN HERE SHE IS!
We're all caught up on things, when Cass' mom wants to hit up the concerts up in the main event room, but she's like "I really don't wanna stand in that line..." and I'm goin', "are you kidding? Step right this way!" And I take her past the lines, and into the main event room. This works out well, because I can show her what I do here...'cuz when they last attended this thing, I was just a convention attender as well. Volunteered for a few things like door watching and security bits, but you know, not an actual member of the team--that didn't happen 'til the next year, at Metrocon IV. So, here I am, now apart of this big deal right? And I'm showing her what we do, and how things've changed since last she attended. I introduce her to Shadowfax (who's mostly busy as always), and then find her a seat front row and center, catch up with her and try to help James and Jamis wherever I can.
But, there're technical issues with the sound, so there's no concert for quite some time.
I would have prolly stayed longer, but I went up to find out some tidbits about a Masquerade Cast rumor that Cass' mom heard on from Lil' Katie, who prolly knows everything there is to know about everything, and she's in a bit of a panic. Roy's on the PC (I gather?) and they're looking for Fax's oh-shit boxes that are missing, and about to send some jabroni down to Ballroom A to look (and, in fact, did send him before I could make him stop). I'm like, Ballroom A's my territory, and Katie's like "Well get down there and find the box then!" and, with a salute, I'm on my way. That lands me back downstairs into Ballroom A, and there's no Mitchums to ask on--just a Matt. So, I look around and find no such thing, and then tell the guy to tell Katie I'll ask Mitch on it. Off he goes.
Mitch eventually does find return, but we don't find anything. With Matt, I then go take Cass back up to her mom and tell Fax the bad news...and then we sit. By now, me and Matt are starving hungry, and we figure Mitch must be as well, so we depart their company for now to go get pizza from the hotel, order in proper. We get that pizza, and then we take it down to Mitch to eat with us since he hasn't had anything to eat all day, I imagine. We devour good, and then I call Cass to see what she's up to...and apparently she's gone and looked for us at the hotel...and naturally, we aren't there! Um, I think she also went home at this point...didn't feel very good. Argument with Troy, I guess. So...off they are. That means, sticking around for the Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Picture Show!
Despite the fact that I've not watched this before seeing the show, the show was a lot of fun. Sherman's good at his part, and Iris and Anne are both there as well, with Iris getting involved with the crowd as much as her own stage presence--they really dig it. Starts off with an evil-guy contest, and a whole lot of contestants end up joining in. Including this guy wearing nothing but orange spandex, shockin' ol' Colleen who was dressed up as Misa in the very same act. Then tried to ask Mitch if he wanted to get shocked, and Mitch replied "Wanna get hit with a hammer?" while picking up the hammer LOL. Turned that guy right around. At the very end of the show, Cass gives me a call and says she's comin' on back, so me and Matt split off from the madness to meet her.
This took a long while, but that's 'cuz we didn't realize she was walking here from the Sheraton haha! On the way to waiting for them to show up, Colleen is given a congratulations for her Evil Award from the show, and then suddenly some guy shows up pointing at me. Some guy I don't recognize immediately. Head tilted back, and he points...and closes the distance. So I do the same, and then when he gets to me he gives me this big hug right? And, I figure...commonplace here, really, so hugs on back--Metrocon's a family. Then, he pulls back and tells me the girl who fell on the floor in the rave (currently going on) is alright, just had Epilepsy, and I ask how she is...you know, bein' the concerned guy 'cuz this guy's sad up, and he's like, she'll be ok, and I tell him to give her my regards, and he turns around to the other people that are with him and says to them, "This guy has the biggest heart ever."
And at first I'm confused. Me, a huge heart just for sayin' that? I do got a big heart, sure, but anyone should'a said that. Then he goes on! "Years back, there was this Ryo-Ohki plush I really wanted that he couldn't afford, and he dropped like $35 out of his own pocket and bought it for me without a second thought, just because I was bummed out on it." and I remembered him! This is Steve, ol' Steve Sorato Steve!...I didn't recognize him, 'cuz the dude grew up. No clean-shaven kid anymore! And he proceeds to turn back around and tell me I did a lot for him, and he was really appreciative about it, and...I dunno, say what you want about the guy, I don't know him really all that well, but it felt amazing to be remembered for something I thought was not a big deal. And remembered well!
So, that was done, catching up with Steve here...and off he goes, and Cass shows up later down and we follow Steve into the Rave. We of course go get our usual VIP Table started by me and Nick at Metrocon 4.5, and hung out there exchanging stories over watching the light show. Then Cass gets a texting, and invites a friend of her's down to the table--the guy's name is James, real cool dude (gotta drop character and talk sometimes, bro XD!) and the bunch of us hung out, and Mitch joined us after closing up Ballroom A briefly, 'fore he and Matt left to retire to sleep. The rest of us stayed 'til the show was over (this is where I requested that Fax play Thriller, and he did not do it >:( ) and then left, splitting ways with James so I could walk Cass and Cass' mother home. We ran into Baru and Dakota briefly on the way and they caught up, Nick Troyer joining us. ...But, nothing really on that to mention. More on this later.
Finally walking Cass back to the Sheraton with Dakota and Nick and Cass' mom, we stop into the Sheraton lobby and me and Cass just talk there 'til the break'a dawn, just catching up even more and exchanging stories--and man, just good times an overall. Was real good to see her again. Then we split ways, and I walked back to the Embassy Suites to crash and sleep. Saturday was over, and in a way it's a good thing it ended so Goddamn early in the morning, 'cuz I figured we'd need to be burning serious midnight oil to get all the stuff down and back into that truck the next day. Boy was I wrong! Mitch was crashed out on my couch (JERK T_T) so I hit the chair, and slept like peace 'til Sunday--and the end of Metrocon--was upon us.
Sunday, June 21st
Sunday consisted of waking up and getting out, 'cuz we had the follow-up Metro Star Party to attend to! Our favorite of all things! This time around they didn't do the whole play aspect of the their scenario, none of their rehearsed skits, just devoted entirely to hours of games with the locals...but, because of how things ended up happening, they ended up doing many, many more skits than their previously-done! All ad-libbed, and the whole Goddamn thing was absolutely amazing! So many funny things came out of them just staying in character and going on the fly, and everyone looked like they had tremendous fun--as I was having a damn good time too. I spent the most of it helping Casey in her Samus roll, and her mini-game featuring bowling a giant Smash ball at giant bowling pins. I stood them up, she handed the ball back and gave out scores. And ordered people to keep off her Galaxy XD (you rolled the ball on a galaxy.)
That went on for HOURS, and I can't say enough how much I loved it. When the thing was over, as all good things must come to an end, it was here that I helped Star Party cast take their itemry back to Con Ops or what have you, nice and packed away. Then when that's over, we help Mitch pack up Ballroom A, and then me and Matt go on a journey to get everyone left (me, Mitch, Matt, and Carrie) some subs from Publix as we had the day before. Easy stuff, now that my foot's all better--and had been ever since I fixed it with the Obama pin XD We get back, and eat on the stage, just the four of us. We finish everything there, joking around and just having a good time. And I realize man...I'm really gonna miss this place, there's no doubt on that. And, I also realize it's about time for Metrocon's shop to be shut down.
Later here, we go to the Main Event room where Fax resides, and proceeded to watch closing ceremonies as it ended. What happened after everyone left was just tremendous to see...as always. As we go about dismantling it, we get to see the cast giving inspirational speeches to one another (again, sorta militant? weird?) and we got to see a lot of tears and emotion here. Everyone's going to miss each other and more. I give my goodbyes to various--hugs to Mike, high-fives to Katie, and so on. Say goodbye to Cass and her friend James and Cass' mom at the door, say goodbye to Sorato-Steve. The place cleared out mighty fast unlike usual, the gaggle of giggling girls uselessly following Roy not here because there was no Roy to follow, and the only people handling things now were actual dedicated staff peoples. The groups were split as usual--Roy's stuff packed up by Roy's crew, and Fax's stuff packed up by tech crew.
Only this time, Fax gave the supervising of his tasks on over to Don! Who was in lead of packing up Roy's stuff too. This had us actually helping out to pack both sides without fail, and it was a good time. In fact, the only girls that stayed were Katie helpin' out ol' Roy's crew and Casey! Katie I kinda expected, 'cuz she's always kicking ass and volunteering, but Casey I didn't...and Casey ended up helping us tech crew load up well after Roy's team had left...and she shouldn't have haha! Her foot was Hella swelling and messed up from her work with the Star Party, but she was persistent and badass and just helped us get it done. Mike showed back up to lend a hand too (and failed to pick me up haha!), and with their help man, and no interference or having to wait forever for Roy's team, or goofiness presented by our own members at times (read: Steve), we got done by 12AM.
...You read right. Impossible? Yes. But there it was, completely done. And we had an amazing time doing it, all kinds of laughing. Mitch and James were efficient as Hell (not to be confused with Cass' friend James or Snake-James from Star Party...there were four James here, no lie. Jamis is called Jamis for this very reason.) and, Hell, even Matt was donning his best work face and hucking things around like a boss. We got done in record, record times, and this meant we could enjoy the rest of the night with an early sleep. Right?...NOT. There was a party to be had! One we rarely get to go to 'cuz we're usually stuck here! Running back to the hotel to shower (Matt, literally, running so he could be first!), we cleaned up, and proceeded to the party.
Upon entering the scene, it's the typical set up with people in the pool and Metrocon-staff-only flag about near the pool. Some people I recognize, some people I don't. Good ol' Scotty McNeil bein' popular as ever, a guy named Q handlin' drinks for everyone--and man did we get the alcohols. Well, not Matt...but me and Mitch sure did. It mostly consisted of me and Matt hanging out like wall flowers nearby (we had no swimmy-trunks), and then later down me and Matt went back to the room. I got burritos for me and Mitch and went back to the party (Matt wanted to sleep), and the rest of the night consisted of me and Mitch talking to people by the pool side, 'til there was no one left but Scott and his girlfriend--and us four talked further on for many many hours beyond that, 'til Mitch was falling asleep in the damn pool XD Hahaha.
We return to our rooms after hugs and goodbyes with Scott and...damn I can't remember his girlfriend's name, Amber? I dunno, I suck with names. Anyhow, then when we get back, Lauren shows up with her pal (I forget his name too), and it's lights out for everyone from there. Sunday may have seemed shorter, text-wise, then Saturday, but I mean all of these events were long-lasting and fun as Hell, from Star Party 2.0 to the fun times had disassembling Metrocon (I haven't had that much fun doing that since Amano's World!), and the party after...I mean, it really felt like we connected to a lot of great people. Next year, I gotta get Katie to join us at the party 'cuz she was bummed out she couldn't go, and I really don't see why she couldn't. I mean, James was there and he's 16, and he's drinkin' up a Goddamn storm and fallin' all over the place, so Katie--several shades more responsible--ought to be there.
I'll ask them if it's possible, and I'll even say I'll not drink just so's I can keep an eye on her. Not that Katie needs it, but. Still. The party's for the Metro family, and she's that.
Metrocon: Aftermath
In the morning, we got in with Lauren's car and drove back to home. Upon being dropped off, everyone locked up the house soundly and we had no key yet, so me and Matt slept outside the apartment like bosses, and then eventually got to go lay down. Mannnn...we slept good and long, and then woke up all sorts of sore, but I missed the Hell out of Metrocon man like you wouldn't believe. It was like it used to be--this is the first time in I've gotten to do more than just work and sleep at these things, and I felt amazingly connected to everyone that I saw, and I just...then, we're here! Middle'a nowhere Bradenton! Noooo! But wait, hold up STOP...there was a cure for this. Mentioned by Katie, the Metrocon Cast Party was around the corner, and I was like...hey, wait. Can we attend? And she said, ask Fax. And Fax said, ask Roy. And Roy said, as Nick Fazio. And so we did, and eventually from Nick there was the ok! More on this later.
Uh...there was some questions here, I got a lot of them over the weeks, asking how things went with me and Nick Troyer. Did we run into each other, did we avoid each other, did we fight, did we speak to one another...let's just put an end to all that here and now. Yeah, he was there, and yeah he was occasionally standing in the same circle of friends as I was, but...I'll sum this up like Tupac did about Biggie Smalls, "Naw, but even if we saw them, we're not--We are businessmen, we are not animals, it's not like we're gonna see them and rush them and jump on them...if they see us, and they want drama? We gonna definitely bring it like only Death Row can bring it, but we're here as businessmen to enjoy and support the Video Music Awards from MTV because they support us!" We were cordial, and what few words were exchanged were pleasant. It was good to see him there.
Concerning Metrocon itself? I mean...a lot of people didn't get to go this year that should have. I mean, if I had it my way? All of my friends would attend this fantastic event, anime fans or not. It's not about the anime, it's not about the costumes and the chess match, it's not about even the Star Party or the Masquerade, or any of the talents done by Mike Femal (although his student did do the performances, the Anti-Troy could not make it this year), or any of that shit man. It's about family, and I know I've said this like...a million times before, but that's what it is. I'm not even sure if these people see me the same way as them, I dunno if Mike and Iris and such sit there and go, "You know that Walker guy sure is swell", Hell they prolly don't even think a thing about us Tech Crew, but man them? I think about them all the time, 'cuz they're family, and I'm gonna miss them, especially when we move.
Speaking of moving, that's coming off very slowly (as obvious by the fact that initially we were supposed to be gone by July 1st and here we are, July 15th, not gone!)...the hangup here is that Jim and the Matt down there was supposed to be getting a four-bedroom place with me and the Matt here, and I guess the Matt down there hasn't been really paying money for rent or anything, and Jim can't find an affordable place can just continue to pick up Matt's slack with, so he's gonna need to ask THAT Matt to step out of the deal for now--go back to mom's or whatever--and leave the two-bedroom to give a chance for me and the Matt that's here to move into THAT Matt's room and, since Jim can afford the two-bedroom by himself, use this as a security-blanket to go and get us jobs right then and there, and apply the money we intended to use towards a three-bedroom house once jobs are secured.
...That's the current plan, anyhow. Hangup is he hasn't asked Matt to leave 'til just now, and he's gotta be nice and give him a deadline, not just...toss his stuff onto a curb.
Last, but not least, is the Cast Party. This was a tricky thing to set up without rides! It was on this last Saturday, and Matt's mom was off to Miami for an anniversary thing, and so that meant...while she could drive us to Mitch's house to spend the night there Friday night (because Mitch is right next to Don's house where the party's being held), this doesn't secure a ride back home. I tried the bus system, but the party ends at 11PM and no bus runs after then, and Sunday morning Bradenton's buses don't run whatsoever. What the fuck? I guess people don't travel on Sundays! So here I am, I say "fuck it I'll risk it" and don't care if I gotta wait 'til Monday by loitering in front of the 7-11 like Silent Bob, I'll make this fuckin' party. ...Matt? Not so enthusiastic, he decides to stay behind haha, not wanting to risk it.
Well, the thing got solved by a ride with Lauren once more! She was gonna take off with Mitch and Summer and that guy I still don't remember the name of to a concert in Orlando on Sunday, and she figures why not just drop me off along the way? Badass, badass. This means I step on the scene at Mitch's house without worry, hang out with Summer, Mitch, Lauren and Dan (and see Mitch's dad) 'til they take off and I fall asleep. The previous night, I'd only gotten three hours of sleep, so I fell asleep at an actually reasonable time, and ended up waking up sometime at like 6am. I dallied about until Mitch woke up, and then Mitch's dad came in, and we exchanged stories until Dan and him left and it was just me and Mitch. We watched the 1,000th episode of Attack of the Show (two hours of hilarity), and then left for the part about 1pm.
Getting there, some people had already showed up. Logan was there, and Kurt, and my main man Frankie. They was playin' Smash Bros. and havin' a good time with that. Then we're talkin', and Logan says he's never played Street Fighter before (due to not getting our Shoryuken reference), and Frankie and me are sad for him 'cuz 2D fighters rock the house, and Frankie mentions he used to play CVS2 daily at the arcades, and I'm like "Hella! I love that game, used to play it daily too--I've got it here, even." and he's like WHAT??...and we turn our fullest attentions to playing Capcom vs SNK 2 just as Sherman and Mike show up. ...Mike had no mustache, I almost didn't notice huim! And CvS2, sirs and ma'ams, was the party starter, 'cuz everyone gathered around for battles of the 2D variety. We had a lot of fun with that!
Later down came food cooked up by Terry on the grill (delicious), and then watching people go off in the pool hahaha. The pool was WAY crowded, too! Too crowded for me at first, although Fax insisted I come to this party with trunks. I borrowed Matt's, since he wasn't coming. All manner of people showed by this point...Patrick, Katie, Hellfish, Roy, Liz, Vicky, Anne, James (Snake-James), Isa, Iris, Luke, and much, much more. Hell, even Casey showed up! And she said she wasn't gonna be able to. I eventually got into the pool, hung out with Fax and Mitch there, and eventually help Nick Fazio fight off the opponents at the opposite end of the pool. Just good, clean fun the whole time there, and I'm glad Nick let us come--even if he was a little unsure about us coming to begin with.
The day ended with me and Mitch and Frankie wanting to go get Slurpees at 7-11 (free Slurpee day every 7/11 of every year), and Fax deciding he wanted to go! So rather than us walking, he drives us, and we get several more people for the trip like Sherman. Upon coming back, many many more people wanted to go, so we turn right around and decide to do the walk anyway, showing them where to find the 7-11 and getting refills for ourselves; it was me, Frankie, Sherman, Iris, Anne, and many more. We invaded the 7-11 for the second time haha, the whole while me and Frankie jibba-jabbin' about all sorts of stuff from Black Kyo and arcades to tales of our wallet-losing burdens, when finally upon getting back...Mitch informs me it's time to go.
We said our goodbyes again, and again, I realize I'm gonna miss everyone about here very much. As me and Mitch walk home, we get balls of ice hucked at us--mine hits me center-mass in the chest, and Mitch in the shoulder. Left a bruise to both, and the guys who did it were some punks in a car...what bullshit, pissed us off real good, but the ride home from there with Lauren's crew was fun. I got back home, rinsed all the chlorine offa myself, and rested off my mind being blown away by all the awesomeness for a few days before getting around to posting exactly this...my journal entry for Metrocon 2009. To all the people I attended these events with, it is--and always has--been a tremendous honor. A rich man would never have that kind of power, and precious few lovers could ever be that satisfied.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
current mood: honored
current music: Phil Perry - Road Buster
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| Thursday, May 28th, 2009
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2:19 pm - ~Here It Comes, Another Year...~
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From journal to world-events, Walker-life is in need of some updates. Unfortunately for the world, not much has gone on to really give it to ya. Me and Matt, as you know, been workin' on goin' to California for work and school--'cuz we thought that Sanny J versus Sarasota, California's just gonna work good. I mentioned that I'll miss everyone here when the time comes that I love--I'll miss Bender and Fran, Mitch and Chris, Christina and Kelly, Fax and Mike, and I'll even miss the friends come-and-gone like JT, or Hell even what Nick used to be. I'll miss Jordan and Sonja, Chris and Vivien, Aaron and Gabe, I'll miss the times, I'll miss the crowds, I'll miss it all.
But, times come to start movin' on. We got a Metrocon around the corner that we've been preparing for, hanging out at Fax's spot every Tuesday night is me, Mitch, Matt, and Chris, all listening to good (and bad) karaoke, and just solid good times. I laughed harder with these guys than anyone lately, and it's all been very precious time for me--I love it. We'll be working tech crew again without fail, and hanging out with old favorites here in Florida I never got to see during my tenor here like Black Kyo, Heather n' Ashley, Victoria, Liz, so on and so forth. Who knows what we'll bust out, but I'm expectin' fun and good time as typical. Kurtis does, too, and who knows what other room mates we might get out of this...like Johnny and Chris!
As obvious, the current set-up this year will be me, Mitch, Kurtis, Matt, and Chris! And we'll be working for Fax, after explaining the new lineup. Official BSG, accept no substitutes. The only downside to all of this is that I wasn't able to get anything for going to Burning Flipside again--not enough money for plane travel, which I'd have very much loved to see David and Jic, along with Roger and his wife Stephanie, Dubby and his wife Meca, Bill, Peggy, Demon Monk, and Tim...man, I could really use that kind of good-times right now. I really miss 'em. And something tells me, Sterling would have really loved an event like this as well. Well, maybe next year...and maybe Josh's visit to FL will cheer me up!
Since our time here in the Matt-house, we've spent our time catchin' Matt up on shows--we shelled out through FLCL, Nero Wolfe and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, are knee-deep in Midsomer Murders, we've played tons of Warcraft with Andrea n' Zeke n' Sean, and their respective crews, helped Fax move his stuff about, roleplayed it up on the AOL, beaten video games, and overall had maybe some of the most boring times a man could have. That's all fun and games up above, and I love hanging out with Andrea and Zeke and all my friends--but motherfucker, I need a job! Thankfully back in the CA, I intend to get one, and after Metrocon's over by two is around the time we should be heading there.
...That's where you come in. If you're a friend of mine in California with any kinna job in the Bay Area, and you know someone--maybe your own company, maybe a spot you spotted on the streets--that's hiring, I'd really appreciate anything you can throw our way. The theory is that Zeke's got a job for me with Sony, that maybe Jamie's friend could hook me up with security, that we could get one for Matt pretty easy--I'll hit the ground running, and I'm not worried about money 'cuz I've been told not to be by the very best of friends...so it's not like this moving to San José deal could fail. But, I'd like for it to cost as little in resources from my friends as possible, and stand on my own two.
Lessee...oh, and college. We'll do that again, too. Got all kinds of plans. 'Til then, the only other major update of note is, due to Matt moving with me to CA and his sister moving out to...who cares where, that means his parents have decided to move to a place closer to their jobs, and downsized the home (and rent) to suit their new needs. In short, we've spent a week and then some moving that house from Sarasota, FL to Bradenton. So! Anyone'a my buddies here in Bradenton wanna drop us a line or hang out, let us know...they wanted to move before we left for CA to get our help, and good thing as they'd need it haha! I pretty much ache all over, and sunburn en masse...was easier helping Nick and his family move, for sure!
More updates as they come,
Walker Pennington
PS: "Friends will be friends, when you're in need of love, they give you care and attention... Friends will be friends! When you're through with life, and all hope is lost, hold out your hand, 'cuz friends will be friends... Right to the end!" Can't wait to be in CA, and seems Bender might join us!
current mood:  anxious
current music: Queen - Friends Will Be Friends
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| Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
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3:38 am - ~Reflections: How Your History Defines You~
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I've been thinking a lot lately, now that I've been met with all this spare time...thinking a lot about the past. You know, Humanity is so very intriguing when you think about it--sometimes frightening, but even at it's darkest core, still very amazing. And we are so very defined by the choices we make, or the things that are pushed onto us...how we handle it decides what kind of person we'll be. Indeed, the first song my little brother ever showed me was "Survive" in Rise Against, where it says pretty clearly "But how we survive, is what makes us who we are!"...it's in this that it's clear we are deterministic, so our past is very important to us...because that's where the "building blocks" of your personality come from; core beliefs, your identity, self worth, all comes from when you were a kid, and then changes as you evolve and progress...as you decide through life, so yes the past really does define you.
Now, does that mean a person can't change? Man...aboslutely not. I'm a firm believer that anyone can change if they truly want to, you know? It is a popular misconception that determinism entails that Humanity or individual Humans have no influence on the future and its events (a position known as fatalism); however, determinists believe that the level to which human beings have influence over their future is itself dependent on present and past. That means, anyone can change. I've seen people change...dramatically over time, their goals and their purpose redefined, some for good while others...not so much. People can change with correct motivation--people should not assume you will act the same as in the past, beause this is assuming you haven't learned or grown, but your past experiences are what makes you as you are today. And the "now" will determine your future (even as you sit here and read the this very journal entry and sit and think about it later).
And that means, those past decisions, they really define a lot about you--as well as the decisions you'll make right now. This and your role models shaped you as much as your genetics and your living conditions...all of it, it makes this things, it makes who you are.
Now, I'm sure I'm not the first one to think about this kind of thing...they've written books on it, you know? I remember growing up as a little youngin', I had all these role models...Mr. T, Duncan MacLeod taught me all about right and wrong on the Highlander show, as well as Queen music, and my Jr. High teacher Mike Guldbech, all the way to times despairing with ol' 2Pac bringing out a vision of just how much suffering went on...I mean I could go on, but these were all little seeds of a certain set of moral values that seemed right for me, that seemed logical, like....hey, what that guy said there, that makes sense, this is what I want to follow. And man...meeting Rahan, therein laid this example of everything I wanted to stand for, you know? I showed up, and he was this tremendous compass for everything...hahaha, man, the good ol' days. It makes you think, and? It made me think, especially when I was hit by a pretty heavy dream--one that happened maybe a week or so ago, but it's really stuck in my thoughts.
I had a dream where I was on a bus...not a city-bus mind you, but a school bus like we all used to take back in High School. And it wasn't just me, it was also Amy and Rahan--and anyone who knows us, knows there's a lot of history there with those two...but we weren't who we are now, oh no. We were...the 1999 variations of ourselves, like March 1, 1999 before me and Amy broke up--with 1999 Walker, 1999 Rahan, and 1999 Amy just sitting there, and we were morose. It turns out our 1999 selves just got through viewing the lives of our 2009 selves...a decade later, a decade in the making. At first you think...ten years really isn't anything, but just looking back...man, that decade was and is so much. We've gone through things...changes, different loves, different living conditions, different friends, different educations and we all...evolved into this life, and it's like these are our 1999 selves that just got showed everything about their future.
They all three saw the future us, right? Who we are now, and they're sitting there discussing it in the bus...the 1999 us discussing the 2009 us. And they aren't discussing it with any smiles...they're morbid as Hell, like shocked even, saying things like "where did we go wrong?" and "how did this happen like this?" It was like an Evangelion episode, very much outside the box and soul searching. It was definitely something else, and even if I don't remember all the details, I remember the feelings...and who could blame? It's a shame what we been through. This is exactly one decade before now. So, this would have been before me and Amy broke up even...from a time we were all three in this strong community, this enormous family of friends that's all coupled up--Reba and Justin, Zak and Jenn, Emma and Tux, had friends like fuckin' Mike, Lance, Abby, Hannah, etc, etc, everyone's got each other's backs, we're like this unstoppable family of friends man. You couldn't have convinced me back then that we'd end up so..apart like we are now, not in a million years!
And then, they're shown indeed--not only is our family of friends scattered, but so many of us are both unsuccessful, and unhappy. Most of us man, we don't even keep in touch...what a waste.
To see that...feelings so strong, bonds so strong, the people we were back then--to feel what they felt then, and then to see us as we are now? Cynical Amy, Has-Been Walker, Struggling Rahan...it must have been rough. Like me for instance, the me then had all these things, these...dreams, you know? Rock house at High School so bad I get to go to UC Berkley, you know...live there while Amy attended the San Francisco School of Art she had going. Graduate there, make something of myself...I figured ten years? Man, by that point I'd have my own house, be married, successful job helping people with my major in psychology, car or two...and then, flash forward a decade. I'm living in Matt's room waiting for July 'cuz I decided to move to Florida to fix my ruined life of barely getting anywhere in community college, just so we can both return to San José, where I spent five years--three of them working at a drive-in, and all of them accomplishing nothing but a healthy list of good friends and contacts.
And it's depressing enough as it is for me to look back on the decade and see what we've become, you know? Reminiscence is probably my favorite pass-time, because it brings me to times that were so much happier...even though coming out of them makes me real despaired, heh. But as hard as it is to look back on it...can you imagine how hard it was for our 1999 selves to look forward and see it? Like, hey look there, your dreams? Fuck 'em, you're gonna get crushed by poverty and sorrow, here's a bow for your giftwrap, off you go...man, that must have been depressing, and I got to see it there...I got to see 1999 us, being depressed, over what happened to us here in the now. Long-haired athletic blondish anti-drugs Amy, fuckin' short-haired short-tempered pre-trenchcoat anti-drinking goatee Walker, and super-wise unfallable always-calm strict honor-code Rahan...sitting there, taking a look at what we've become now.
It was really interesting to see them... Us... Again. It took me back as much as they were taken forward. They couldn't believe what they saw, it was pretty intense.
But the worst part about it is...we frightened ourselves. Even if it was a dream that never happened, to me, I just feel like we frightened us. I dunno how...2009 Amy feels about this, or 2009 Rahan feels about this, but...I feel really off about it. And I'm not one to be put off by some dream typically. And it made me go alongside them, how the Hell did we end up here? How did...such an incredible set of things, such great friends and bonds, get scattered like shotgun pellets? I mean sure friends have trials and tribulations, but...they work it out, you know? 'Least mostly, so...I dunno. And I feel like, not only did we frighten them, but we disappointed our little dream-selves from 1999 there. They saw, "hey look, dream's don't come true", and it...yeah, ok, maybe this sounds emo and whiny somehow hahaha, and maybe it's just some dream, but they didn't like it. Maybe this all only happened because it's the ten-year anniversary of my hardest, and most defining moments of all time. Who can say.
It felt like this was a big message for me, of things to come. ...Then again, maybe not. Nick's dad was our bus driver, after all, and that didn't make sense... Maybe it was nothing. My point is...we can't let it happen like that.
We can't go back in the past and change all that...what decisions we made, built us up to this point, and now here we are. No take-backs. But the decisions we make from here-on out? Don't gotta keep on this same track. We can go back to when we were a less jaded sort, and build ourselves back from the ground we been thrown to. If any of you, any of you, have ever felt the way I do here, like...a complete jackass failure who's failed at every accomplishment--you know, thought he'd be done with college in 2005, and instead barely has college started even after attending several semesters with cats like Dustin, Kurtis, Zeke, n' Megan in 2009--if any of you guys feel like, you're not even amounting to a tenth of what you wanted to be...dig in, man. Dig in deep, find the you who made those dreams--watch whatever it was that you did in those days and relocate yourself. Do whatever it takes, 'cuz if you're reading this then chances are your life's not over yet.
Your past? It surely must be bleak for some out there. But bring it all back, and we'll make it.
A lot's changed in a decade. We got some decades to go before we're done. Let's do it right. I just want...1999 Walker to not be some hopeless thing, all for nothing, a memory and that's it--just my memory even, like some echo. I don't like that notion one bit. So here we go again.
What Would Your 1999 Self Think About You Now?
Walker Pennington.
current mood: determined
current music: K-Ci & JoJo - Still Waiting
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| Sunday, March 15th, 2009
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2:55 am - ~*~ Changes Pt. II ~*~
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Hello, people of the digital world...and welcome back to my corner of the world. Today's journal entry is different than it has been in that past in some places...and that is because it is more or less unprecedented concerning this subject level. Once more, the unthinkable has happened in my life, and depressing as it is to me, and as much as it has kept me up in the nights where I wonder what went wrong and how it could have been handled differently, it is all currently at an impass, and all signs point strongly that it couldn't have happened any other way.
Basically, 2009 marks the end of an era. A six year era, where Walker Pennington and Nicholas Troyer were the Sons of Xanatos, unbeatable forces of change and good...to be problem solvers for The People rather than The Corporate. To put the world into a fair and honest perspective, no matter how harsh or blunt it has to be and do away with the "politically correct", to cut down barriers that separate us from each other and ourselves, and to put whiny-ass, backstabbing bitches in their place, firmly under our mighty boots. If this sounds familiar, that is because it is what the Black Shirt Gang stood for. It's why I joined the scenario.
As you probably know if you read my last entry, or are one of the few concerned with the going-ons between us that talked to me in private, Nick and I are no longer on friendly terms. His special interests involved in our work place drove a wedge in our friendship I'm not too proud of, but it was also something I couldn't continue to turn a blind eye to. They were things I brought up with him personall in the nicest ways possible, and when they did not work out, they caused a social unrest amongst everyone involved with the two of us, that it even caused factions among us in the most extreme cases. He would not communicate, and it was horrible.
I want to assure the world, I am not a perfect entity...far from it. I make mistakes, and I've been wrong, and this whole ordeal is no exception. I'm merely Human. I also want to stress that, even as I write this, I do not want to drag this on longer than I have to. It is not my goal to continue casting aspersions on him, it is merely my goal to set questionable content into it's correct frame, that all the slander and calumny brought from Nick is brought back on track, and blame is divided up where it belongs--IF there is to be blame divided up at all, which in places it may simply not at all. It is a big change, and it deserves to be outlined.
~*~ Axes. ~*~
A friend of mine looked at our situation once, from both sides, and compared the issues between Nick and I as a typical scenario that goes on between the Chaotic Good entity, and the Lawful Good entity. I would normally not break this down into such a simplified, gaming format..but it made some sense when he finished explaining. He then read more, and changed it from Chaotic Good vs Lawful Good to Chaotic Good vs Lawful Neutral instead, and this comparison helped me at first. For those of you who aren't familiar with RPG terms or D&D, let me explain...you see, a person's alignment is a guide to his basic moral and ethical attitudes toward others, society, good, evil, and the forces of the universe in general.
They are terms of Axes, used as a guide to provide a clearer idea of how a person will handle moral dilemmas by defining general attitudes.
Alignment is divided into two sets of attitudes: order and chaos, and good and evil. By combining the different variations within the two sets, nine distinct alignments are created. These nine alignments serve well to define the attitudes of most of the people in the world, and each alignment varies from all others, sometimes in broad, obvious ways, and sometimes in subtle ways. Now, three so far have been mentioned. The first was Chaotic Good, he used to represent me and the way I do things--he went on to say, if you look in a book on this, my picture should be there. I don't know that it's that extreme, but it's a good comparison for the purposes of how I was starting to look at things.
Chaotic Good is known as the "Beatific" or "Rebel" alignment. A Chaotic Good person favors change for the greater good, disdains bureaucratic organizations that get in the way of social improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom. Chaotic Good people are strong individualists marked by a streak of kindness and benevolence. They believe in all the virtues of goodness and right, but they have little use for laws and regulations. They have no use for people who "try to push folk around and tell them what to do." Their actions are guided by their own moral compass which, although good, may not always be in perfect agreement with the rest of society. Zorro, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly, and Robin Hood are examples of Chaotic Good individuals.
Lawful Good was what my friend thought Nick was to begin with, when he first started to read.
Lawful Good is known as the "Saintly" or "Crusader" alignment. A Lawful Good person typically acts with compassion, and always with honor and a sense of duty. A Lawful Good nation would consist of a well-organized government that works for the benefit of its citizens. People of this alignment believe that an orderly, strong society with a well-organized government can work to make life better for the majority of the people. To ensure the quality of life, laws must be created and obeyed. When people respect the laws and try to help one another, society as a whole prospers. Therefore, Lawful Good characters strive for those things that will bring the greatest benefit to the most people and cause the least harm. Batman, Dick Tracy, Inspector Kramer, and Captain America are cited as examples of Lawful Good characters.
The reason my friend thought this was the case was because Lawful Good characters, especially paladins, may sometimes find themselves faced with the dilemma of whether to obey law or good when the two conflict--for example, upholding a sworn oath when it would lead innocents to come to harm--or conflicts between two orders, such as between their religious law and the law of the local ruler. But then he changed his belief about half-way through when he saw opportunies for Nick to show the Good part of his alignment weren't upheld, and he still chose the Law well over a path of general Good. He then decided Nick seemed more like Lawful Neutral, which is a very similar problem with Lawful Good problems when faced with the dillema of Law vs Good, only they concern their interests first with the legal and the probability of getting into trouble.
Lawful Neutral is called the "Judge" or "Disciplined" alignment. A Lawful Neutral person typically believes strongly in Lawful concepts such as honor, order, rules and tradition, and often follows a personal code. A Lawful Neutral society would typically enforce strict laws to maintain social order, and place a high value on traditions and historical precedent. Order and organization are of paramount importance to characters of this alignment. They believe in a strong, well-ordered government, whether that government is a tyranny or benevolent democracy. The benefits of organization and regimentation outweigh any moral questions raised by their actions. Characters of this alignment are neutral with regard to good and evil. James Bond, Odysseus, and Sanjuro from Yojimbo are Lawful Neutral.
This does not mean that Lawful Neutral people are amoral or immoral, or do not have a moral compass; but simply that their moral considerations come a distant second to what their code, tradition or law dictates. They typically have a strong ethical code, but it is primarily guided by their system of belief, not by a commitment to good or evil. In this instance, the hierarchy became more important than the general good. This was all interesting to me, for my friend to think that I was in the end a Chaotic Good concept butting heads with someone that was Lawful Neutral--and it made some sense, although I do not think Nick was always more worried about who did what he said and people following the rules over the general good like that--in fact, I'm sure of it. We embodied both Hulk Hogan--a person who never followed the Law when it went against Good, and we put his ethics to nWo delivery, which were Chaotic at best.
Things went wrong between us, and we seemed to be in a holding pattern while we figured things out between us. I wrote my journal after reading Nick's letter to me that he wanted things repaired between us, for us to last through as friends, and then my friend read that journal and this helped me to understand it better...this comparison, coupled with that letter, gave me some hope that maybe this could be put behind us, with regard to his new, more lawful outlook on personal life and people. We went to the Denny's as we planned we would, the two of us and Matt, and we had an excellent time with it. We talked about many things, and to me, things looked like maybe, just maybe, it'd be a slow but sure process back to what we once had, and friendship would outlast what started with rules and regulations and the special interests he held regarding the work place he was put in charge of.
~*~ The Real Problem Here. ~*~
This fell through the day I opened a his newest journal entry made on February 24th, 2009. It was terrible, a walking thesis out of context and half-lies, sometimes intentionally and flat-out. It cited his view of the situations, which everyone has their view and I respect that...but goes without mentioning the things he did to instigate the situations in question. Nowhere in here did it mention how, when I tossed a box of blow-up balls into the counter a bit hard and he considered it slamming, he just spent something like a half-hour slamming shit around himself, not even moments before I did this. But I was the jerk. It doesn't go on to say that he'd play Tekken with Steve in the shop and, in seeing a dirty screen, he writes "Wash me" rather than taking a moment and reaching for the Windex right next to him to correct the problem himself. These may seem petty, but they were numerous and constant.
I explained to him before, and I mean it, I do not enjoy hypocrisy of any sort. If anything gets the rebel in me going, it'd be that. It's not the actions in of themselves that made me angry, if he did the same for himself and for those he favored...but when a different set of rules and standards exist for one person because they have the power, it boils my blood. An example, he wrote me up (which three write-ups go to termination) for not dusting a spot, even under profuse apology and trying to make it right. Why? Because what I did was wrong, and it was. But, he can "borrow" money from the TILT funds--the company's money--to pay for his cell phone bill? If he did his work, and did as much floor work as the rest of us, and followed all the rules, I'd have been upset at my write-up and I'd still think it was too severe concerning a game having some dust on it, but at least I'd respect it.
But again, when personal rules are set by him for his special interests--when he can kick dirt on the rules because he's the manager, and do things he knows are wrong and knows his own bosses would absolutely not approve of, and then he does that to me? That's a statement. And I do not like that statement, so I got vocal about it in hopes of showing my brother that he was straying his path. And a lot of my points were either taken out of context, or flat-out wrong, and I'd like to apologize for them ahead of time. For instance, I brought up points like, Steve also forgot to dust a machine--we showed him, doubly so, and yet Steve did not get written up. This was not to outline that Steve doesn't do his job, or to get him written up--frankly, I think forgetting to do something is Human, and I would rather Nick write no one up. My intention was that there must be equality and you cannot favor Steve over anyone else. Steve does his job to Human expectations, and so do I--no one should be written up over dusting.
These are not the actions of someone who is Lawful Neutral, much less Lawful Good. These are the actions of special interests making it ok, when it's breaking the same rules and laws we are being personally punished upon. Like I said, these seem petty, but they are only some of the most talked about examples, we saw this misuse of power pretty much constantly...and I know Steve's bein' Nick's boy now, but Steve saw it before any of us. It's not evil of him, but it is wrong, up to and including stealing higher-priced items without payment and yet we can't even take some comic books home with some tickets. This is what made me angry, and nothing else--I don't like special interests that are selfish, particularly when there is a lack of benevolence given to others when they've made a mistake, or a refusal to communicate when something seems off and jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst about someone instead.
These are just a few of them, we all know many, many more. But this isn't what this journal entry's about, it's just a review of how we got to this sitation--we weren't happy, and he wasn't listening, and he wasn't communicating, and it was wrong. And like it said earlier in speaking from the Black Shirt Gang's original mission statement, we put a stop to these kinds of special interests regardless of the law through nWo delivery--that is to say, chaotic and often times rule-breaking deliveries. And yet, here is this journal entry created AFTER we were to put all this behind us, not only telling the story wrong, not only putting things out of context so we're just seemingly doing these things out of random hate, but particularly it held in it not one, but two, TWO quotes from a personal conversation. And this, THIS is more or less what absolutely ended the era in question.
I had a conversation with Rebecca concerning Nick's actions way back when they first happend (and well before Nick's e-mail seemingly intending to repair things), and it became something of a debate. I'd said that, if I arrived late to the job, I wasn't going to sweat it because Nick's been plenty the jerk writing me up when he breaks the rules even worse than anyone else. She thought I wasn't right for this, and I thought I was, and this is a subject me, Matt, and Bender had talked to others with up to and including Matt telling Nick's boss Mark who liked the way we were handling it (I used the words "even Mark shook our hands on the deal" or something to the effect, and I also apologize for misleading the world to thinking I personally shook Mark's hand concerning Nick. This was strictly between Matt and Mark, only Mark agreed with our handling.) This was quote used #1.
The second was, when I said I felt justified in my actions, particularly since those around me seemed to agree (i.e. my friends thought it was alright not to take the job seriously and agreed that I shouldn't)--Rebecca said, "Because everyone loves you that means everything is ok? hu. Sounds like the football player who rapes the girl that is to scared to tell." It was and is a terrible analogy because that is an unessary extreme. Further, it was wrong, and using her analogy, because she decided to compare this to that--again, SHE did, I said, "This is more like the guy that raped the girl got stabbed with a knife, and everyone's cheering the knifer for doing it." That is to say, yes not caring that I'm late for a job is USUALLY a bad thing--also so if stabbing someone with a knife--but in the case of the knife, stabbing a rapist? Rules-wise wrong but people can get behind that, and do.
Likewise, showing up late in this situation, people have gotten behind that. It's all circumstances. This isn't callign Nick a rapist, no matter how you try to actually look at it.
This is just another example of Nick hearing second-hand information, or worse third, and jumping to conclusions. Yes, I said the things he quoted, but if they were legitimately told to him, they were obviously told without context, and he should have confirmed them with the real source before publishing them, because they were baseless and slanderous--to say I was calling him a rapist is nothing short of ridiculous. It is far out of my character. But, what positively struck me is, this was a conversation between me and Rebecca and Matt. Matt was also shown it in e-mail so he wouldn't have to continue reading over my shoulder (his computer's right next to mind), and that was it. Therefore, the only way to attain this information was to have read it, from my e-mail.
Now, in this world, there are only a few people who have ever come across my life-long password to things, for various reasons. Rahan, Tommy Streets, and Nick. Because there is no way to get onto my e-mail without my very specific password, and because I know Rahan did not give it to him and I know Nick does not know Tommy Streets, there are onnly two conclusions to come to here, and it's not leaping...it's a tiny step. Either...Matt or Rebecca TOLD Nick the exact contents of that e-mail, for those quotes were exact to begin with, or Nick had my password available to him still after I had him use it to help me in my past, and allowed it to be used in the gaining of my e-mail address.
Consider the history. Nick has looked into the e-mails of people he considered his enemies in the past...people like Dakota, or Lindsey, or so he's told me. Furthermore, neither Rebecca nor Matt have shown any signs of ever doing such a thing as that, and never would--I firmly believe this. Now, maybe if I were a long-standing nemesis of Nick..I could maybe understand why he did this. If we weren't standoffish, but rather instead just throwing insults or fists at each other like some kind of Seamak, I could see him doing this. But this isn't where we were, Nick was still my friend, no matter what happened--and even more so when he sent me that letter, and we went to that Denny's, and so on. To read through my e-mails, after agreeing to me that intentionally snooping through my room, was not only wrong to me, but downright honorless. We weren't enemies, we were troubled friends.
I didn't want to accuse him right out, but these are the only ways. Either had my e-mails read using my password, or he was told the contents by one of the three people who knew about it--me, Matt, or Rebecca. So in the various replies to his faulty MySpace, where I was clearing up all his inconsistencies, it was mentioned we thought he used my e-mail, and he had this to say: "I can tell you I definitely didn't go through your e-mails. Do you remember how many times you've had to trust me with that password because I simply cannot remember its jumbledness?" and he said further to Rahan, "You can accuse me of shit until the cows come home. But that doesn't make it true. I. Did not. Use. Walker's. Password. To. Go. On. His. E-mail. To. Read. Convos."
This had me positively flummoxed. Many of you, could probably relate to the story I'm telling you now...you don't want to believe in someone that badly, but then how do you learn the truth? Nick claims he was told these things and that he did not remember the password. The only other way is that Rebecca or Matt told him the conversation. Despite my doubts, I wanted to give him the try, you know? I wanted a truth, and I figured if he really wanted to establish trust and rebuild this friendship, he would tell me straight up how this happened as he always has. And if he told me how it happened, even if he DID have a history of reading his enemy's e-mail, I would have believed a probably scenario, I just needed some reason because my mind could not weave one--how an e-mail of a conversation between me and Rebecca, e-mailed only to Matt, could have been learned by him through any other method than using my password to have my e-mails read. Any. Other. Method. So, I asked him in comment.
Instead of legitimately answering the question, and rather just removed me, Rahan, Sean, Bender, and Matt from his friend's list, and who knows who else, and set his MySpace to private so no one could see anything again. I struggled with this, because to me this was him not having a good reply...like, he knew he was backed into a corner, and so he gave up the pretense. Honesty was and is all I need, I can rebuild off of that no matter how bad a deed you did, as long as you are honest, and you apologize, and you sincerely mean to change your ways. I've forgiven as bad in the past! Maybe worse! I just wanted honesty. I began to consider why he would lie to me, other than saving his own butt..and how he could have told the truth, or thought he did.
I thought, maybe he hacked Matt's e-mail instead of using mine. But see, that doesn't make the issue right, that just means he hurt my friends instead of me, and that is no good. I thought, maybe he was using a play on words, maybe he had Steve look through my e-mail and read it off to him. That seemed likely, but still wrong, because he would have still had to give Steve my password in order to accomplish the means and he said he didn't even remember it, much less have it...and in fact, that would have been even worse, in my eyes, to give it out to others. Even less likely, maybe Rebecca saved it somehow and he got--no, she didn't. Then, all of a sudden, it became very moot and new evidence came to light.
~*~ New Evidence & New BSG. ~*~
If any of you recall, I created a Black Shirt Gang MySpace for the very purpose of giving us a MySpace we could network our group out to, a part for fun, and a part for serious. I used my alternate e-mail address, Anime300@gmail.com, to sign up for it, and made a generic password for our team to use--every single member of the BSG knew the password, because we were a team, and that's what I made it for, for the team. This MySpace was taken by Nick, because he knew the password to it. Not only was it taken and the password changed to it, but so was the e-mail linked to it. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with this, in order to change Anime300@gmail.com to a different e-mail on MySpace.com, MySpace sends your the old e-mail a confirmation that you must use to confirm this change--thus, he must go ONTO Anime300@gmail.com and confirm he is changing it to my e-mail.
Behold, an example with my main MySpace. This is me trying to change the e-mail assigned to it from BladeESF@aol.com to another alternate-email I never use, Anime300@yahoo.com:
So as you can see, in order to change the BSG page's e-mail, he would have had to have gone into Anime300@gmail.com and confirm the change, and that means he had to have known the password to the e-mail. That password, was the same password, as the password to my BladeESF@aol.com account which is where the reading of my e-mail was performed. a lie. And in case there were any doubts that HE was the one that took it, I wrestled with this, and then decided I would have a talking to with MySpace.com concerning it. And this what they've said:
So, he took the account--my account--I made for the team. This is the farthest thing from BSG brotherhood I'd ever seen. I'd gotten it changed back through talks with MySpace, and now it is ours again. But..it just enraged me. I remember fondly being this kind of person previous to joining Nick's group, being a People's Champion rather than a Corporate's Champion. I remember being in other groups, and I remember rebuilding them when they were unmade. Indeed me, Tux, Mike, and my brother Rahan...before this BSG shit, we were already pros. Keeping in spirit with this, I intend to do what Jesse reffered to as a reform movement within the Black Shirt Gang.
We took back over the page. In tradition of the BSG using an nWo-like concept to get it's point across, we used a very nWo logo, in traditional black and white colors. Well, for those of you who don't know the history of the nWo, there was a point where Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were suddenly realizing that Hollywood Hogan was only looking out for himself, and the nWo was secondary...so they split from the original nWo, and created a new faction to oppose the corruption--nWo Wolfpac. They kept the same logo, but changed it to red-and-black instead of white-and-black.
In keeping in line with the irony, we did much the same, decking out the BSG page in black and red and turning the nWo theme to the Wolfpac theme, to show we weren't happy it got stolen in the first place, and we didn't like Nick looking out only for himself when the chips were down. When it came through and through, he was more concerned about who did work for him and how his bosses percieved him, then his friends. So what if we were also employees? Even on a strictly professional level, he didn't act professional. Like I said, I have many cases of this, but I've said some of them already, here and in the last..and I don't want to anymore, it just sounds petty.
The point is, he wasn't being a great boss, but less than that he wasn't being a good friends. Friends talk things out, not write people up. No one should have been written up anyway. Stupid.
We always joked about it, that it would happen some day--a BSG Wolfpac so to speak, maybe by Jacob's hand or Justin's hand or what have you...and I never imagined it would come from myself, personally. In fact, me and Nick always joked we would one day become bitter enemies, and in that ridiculous and highly unlikely scenario, we would to to the city of Rahan--New York City, and fight an epic battle to the death to see it through. Who knows, looking back at it now...during that time, I never thought then that it would happen. Still...this is very upsetting, and I'm sorry that it came to this.
I wrestled with this decision to not be Nick's friend, well after he decided not to be mine..but seeing all of this stack up, plus no communication, I don't owe him anything. I'll wait for him to get his act together. It is Human nature to be tempted. Will things get back together like the nWo did eventually in their future after their wars? Who can say. I don't get him at all. All I know is, he didn't use to be this way, and I miss BSGKingNikkuJZH, and hope he returns to replace this OnceNFutureNick any time now. The 2006 Nick, the Chaotic Good Nick, not rules-lawyer Nick. I'll forgive a lot, with an apology and proof of change.
For now, the new BSG will go on with a lot of what the original BSG was all about--justice, doing what's right regardless of the rules, and reaching out to people in need. Volunteering, saving lives any way we can, talking to the kids, and getting out there. Who knows what success we'll have, but I'll say this much...I did more good in two weeks with Nick Bender just helping people just because with no thought of reward and not even needing to be asked, then I had in my entire stay at Nick Troyer's house. I think that felt good, and it reminded me of a time when that's what Nick Troyer used to be about. I'll honor his original goals, continuing them, particularly when I get back to California. 'Cuz the shit he's doin' now? It's unacceptable, it's fucking unacceptable.
~*~ California Dream! ~*~
You heard correctly, I'm done here. It's not that I've got no love for Florida, but when I came to Sarasota, it was to repair my life once and for all with the help of the Troyer family. Things didn't work out that way. It's not that I don't appreciate, and have respect for, Nick's parents...I do, I do appreciate everything they did, even if I somehow didn't measure up to their standards, and despite the differences we had. And I love, love, Jordan and his family, these guys are absolutely terrific, and I was very honored to know both him, and Sonja and Madyson, and I hope to still be on their good side despite all of this...and it's not like I'll never come back again! I have wonderful friends here, like ol' Mitch and Bender and Fran and plenty else (even ol' Josh is movin' here!), who I intend to see again at least every year around Metrocon time!
....It's just, this isn't my thing. I know I said this before, I've already talked about moving to California, but I wanna say it again, and this time there's a plan with it, and? It involves Matt, the guy who took me into his house to begin with! Through tales of California--how it has mountains instead of swamps, cougars instead of 'gators, desert heat instead'a humid heat, and so on. Big city like San José's gonna have plenty more opportunity than Sarasota (love the place don't get me wrong, but...it's got that "retired" feel to it, and that's for the end'a my life, not the now.) and better yet the colleges there are only $20 a unit, which is the only managable state for the poor haha (especially with minimum wage of $8 in Cali). It's just good.
So, we've made a plan involving not only the two of us, but James and the other Matt back in California--come July, we are to move in with them into a four-bedroom household, one way or another. I gotta say, I couldn't have come to this decision without help from people like Bender and Jamie and Raph, and while I will miss life here in Florida with those I've gotten to know, I expect travel back and forth to be often. If nothing else, there's Metrocon, and people's grandparents live here frequently enough to join friends in their trips over here too (like Jesse's or Andrea's!) and so on. Anyway, that's the plan of it, so to San José livin', with new jobs and a new scenario sure to work out. I've got faith.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
PS: Special thanks to Mitch, Sean, and Wally for all of your help lately helping us get things back up and running with everything, from computer help to MySpace issues. You're loved!
current mood:  betrayed
current music: 2Pac - Changes
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 1st, 2009
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10:10 am - ~*~ Skynet Has Become Self-Aware. ~*~
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So...it's been a while since I have been updating. Now, that is partially my fault, and it is partially not--I actually, had a great deal of this written down, and was on the verge of wrapping it up for the send when it decided to crash--firefox, decided to crash. And in crashing, it logged me out of the thing, and the Live Journal didn't save the stuff I'd been writing as usual. So...I got real disinterested real quick on rewriting a journal entry I just spent about three hours putting down, you know? And then, time went by, and I realized...I still hadn't. And so, I bring you the updates of things, since my return from California with Jamie and Raph (and a distinct lack of Andrea T_T).
In, all, honesty...things haven't been the best of times. Things have neither been smooth, nor pleasant, in my conditions in life--both for living, and for employment. And I will discuss, how the events in my life played out, to become the major changes in front of me, but the summary of it all is I no longer work for TILT Arcade, and I no longer live at the Troyer's home. That is not to say I am not Nick's friend, and please keep that in mind when you read all of this--make sure you read for the bottom, because there's a peaceful ending to it all. But, concerns came up still, and it lead to things, and this is where I put down my thoughts and story.
It's once been told to me that I, unlike the rest of my BSG peers here in Florida, have real world work experience. I didn't think about it until Nick said it to me, but then it made some amount of sense...I've had a lot of work experience, think about ten years. I've worked for many companies, and have had many different bosses--from the best, to the worst. Does this mean I am the epitome of professional? No, not at all--I don't like to lose my Humanity in the ocean of professionalism; I realize it has it's place, but please keep that in mind when I bring my opinion to the fold, that I know what professional looks like, and I know what friendship looks like, and no matter which card you choose to put this story to, it was done wrongly in my eyes.
Now, that is not to say that I am a thankless braggart, or someone that has no respect at all for the opportunities that were given to him...I am all of those. Nick backed me up against many a shenanigans--from Seamak and Tilly to my very own family. It's obvious he didn't drag me down to Florida to wrench a knife in my back...friendships have bumps in the roads, but they keep going. But when I came back home, there were already enough past scenarios both at the job and in-home (some you may have heard of) that caused things to be under pressure to begin with--under duress, if you will. Coming back to California, Nick had made it a point to go snooping around in my room--as he told it to Matt. Perhaps that's a hobby of his, who knows, but he managed to find a stack of comic books in my closet in the drawers of my dresser.
Now, these aren't just any comic books. These are TILT comic books, old prints of cheap issues TILT shells out as prizes for the redemption counter, when you take your tickets up. They're each a meager 150 tickets, which may sound like a lot by number, but really it only takes maybe three runs at the skiball total--if you're a bad player--to get that many tickets, especially since each ticket counts as two tickets. So really, nothing at all, and almost no one ever takes the comics or wants them--there is usually nothing popular outside of Spider Man, and it's one issue that's not even a first issue and, again, almost no one wants them. Now, when people come to my redemption counter, they usually find we have a lot of crap. That's not me spitting on TILT because it's low wages, quite literally we have usually plastic and useless.
Now this may be fine for the little kids, who find little toys or various plushies to be amusing, but for older people--teenagers and adults who enjoyed playing things like skeeball or the coin-drop machine (Jungle Jive) or any other manner of ticket-giving games we have. Often they'll get some trinket, and dispose of the rest carelessly. I even know a few--such as Summer or Michelle--who just give me tickets 'cuz they have hundreds of thousands they decide to collect for fun! And what's more, I've made friends with some of the kids who come in most often--Chris and his sister Vivien to be exact for this story. Chris is a great kid, 'cuz he's always willing to help for no other reason then he wants to, and he loves playing games and spending money playing those games, and refuses any kind of courtesy you try to give him--he wants to earn it.
And he loves playing ticket-giving games the most! But he doesn't like absolutely anything that we have at TILT whatsoever, so often, he will just hand the tickets to me to be shredded. So with all these tickets at hand, and seeing we had not one but two boxes worth of comics (at the time of apprehending them), and remembering I'd intended to go to San Jose for New Years where I intended to see Cody and Larry (HUGE comic book fans), I decided to get them copies of our comic books I doubt they had. I got multiples of two spending tickets here and there, and when I ran out of copies, I started using the discarded tickets to get triplicates for when Rahan came down to Florida--which I expected would be Metrocon, but it ended up being this last week, for Rahan too is a huge comic fan. Just something I could do for my peers.
So! Nick, naturally, through snooping finds my comic books. Now, they weren't exactly things to be hidden either--they were in my dresser to escape damage often resulting in my clumsiness, and not at all hidden in there. And since I'm not normally one to ever hide anything, maybe that's why Nick thought I would condone his snooping--snooping, he said. His words, not mine. Intentionally waiting for me to exit the house, as well his words, not mine. But then he leapt to the conclusions that I had theft from the TILT Arcade these comics, and online discussed with Matt said accusations well before consulting me, up to and including mention of police willing to fine me for this supposed theft.
To be certain, I was beside myself with...with fury, and a lack of calm. If we took the friend-route, this was my own best friend, and he would think so dirty of me--and he would snoop through my things with intention of deceiving me! If he thought it was ok, he'd not have waited 'til I was gone! So he knew he was to wrong me, and he did so anyhow! And, if we took the professionalism route? In my opinion, he had completely over-stepped the bounds of his authority as manager of the TILT Arcade. In any event, nothing was ever brought to my attention before conclusions were officially drawn...he just immediately thought the worst of me. And that hurt...a lot. But I attempted to keep my cool, and tried to find rational explanations through all of this.
I could understand, maybe, if he came from the direction that employees should not benefit from the company's stock no matter how they attained it--I've seen that rule before, ridiculous as it is...but, that would have been unacceptable. Several times, many many times, Nick has taken from the TILT. Toys, gadgets, trinkets, candy--he's taken it without having the tickets from them, and used them, often unmaking them within the first week of their getting, because they're useless cheap plastics. Indeed, often his prizes mark the 500 ticket zone, and not the 150, and we've all witnessed him do it for many times. Hell, he's even taken from the TILT fund--taken money to get a soda--albeit he says he gives it back some other day, it's still stealing.
And he doesn't give back for those prizes he's stolen from the wall--I could go down a list of those I've seen now, but that would be ridiculous. Point is, taking the moral high ground on that issue while doing the exact same on a grander scale was, in my eyes, just grand hypocrisy, and this kind of rationalizing managed only to make me angrier, especially since we'd seen signs and scenarios pointing to this in the past (that we've already discussed then, so I won't bring them up again). This was unacceptable at best, and since he was gone for the evening once I got home on some errand for higher-ups, all I could do is stew on my anger until finally I just wrote him an e-mail letter on it...and eventually he returned, and we discussed things.
He thought I was disrespecting TILT, which he considers a part of him (quoth his "blood, sweat, and tears were put into it") just because of it's shitty pay and shitty hours. He admitted he should have talked to me first, but refused apology for his actions...which I didn't get, but let it pass. I owed him that. I told him I wasn't disrespecting TILT, and naturally about how I got the items, and confronted him on the very same issues I told you today--and he assured me he wasn't going to call any police and never intended to, just mentioned it, and he told me I shouldn't be upset that he searched my room because I searched Stephen's room when I lived with my little brother. I told him, indeed, I searched Stephen's room a few times...but Stephen has a history of drug-abuse, cigarette-smoking, property destruction, arson, and having an inability to resist temptation--as well as he a history of habitual lying and is a child.
I, am not a child, nor have I had a history of these things--particularly of lying to my own best friend. I am an adult, and a friend. I needn't that kind of disrespect, "we're men of action--lies do not become us."
Well, we went from there to someplace fairly peaceful, and life continued on. Matt and I had grown closer as friends, and had it not been for his detestment of the snooping act, I may not have ever found out--well, I prolly would have, as Nick had stolen the comic books from my room to return to TILT, but I found out first through Matt, and we had begun hanging out quite a bit since my return from California. Often, he'd just come into TILT just to hang out for no other reason than he could. And that was awesome, surely it made TILT less insufferable. I didn't hate the organization because of it's low wages and hours--surely that was not good, but also beyond understandable. It's just a downright annoying place to work alone, I don't gotta fancy MP3 player or PSP or cellphone or laptop like the others that worked here did.
Time went by, and only minimal troubles, but we didn't feel right at the TILT any longer. We'd see petty little things like the words "Wash me" on a game, written by Nick standing not two steps from the Windex--things like that, that he could do, that he'd rather leave to us while he played Tekken with Steve. Shit like that didn't make us happy, but good times did come along to give us a break in the form of Nick Bender come back from Iraq to see us all! And man we had a great time. He stuck around with me and Matt instead'a headin' off to Steve and Nick's for a LAN party, so we went around town and had some eats--and man, let me tell you, I am eternally grateful for this guy's generosity. I felt like a complete douche, but then he pretty much threw my own speeches in my face--When a traveling Ronin meets a stranger and shares his meal with no thought of reward, that is the Compassion of a Ronin.
But back at work, Nick had given us a list of things to do. Now, I dislike lists--I'm no child, tell me what you want done, and I shall make reminders for myself. But, one of the higher ups intended to come around and check on all things, and since Nick had forgotten to order any back stock supplies for prizes (leaving out wall nearly bare for many weeks), he was apprehensive about how he would be received by his keepers and wanted to make them as happy as possible, and thus we were to make clean all manner of things. So, doing this list and the nine or so items on it on an otherwise fairly busy day, I'd forgotten to dust this machine and didn't do an inside-glass of a section on the counter namely because I didn't think to--this is why I like to be shown what he wants done, and not lists. But! I did forget to dust the GT Machine.
And Nick decided to have me written up for it the day after. When he told me I didn't do anything on my list, and that there was only one task upon it I had to complete, I began to search it out--but for some reason, it was thrown away, as was my proof. Matt and I told him several, several times--we tried talking to him, that this was ridiculous. That no manager has ever--not from the best like Dan or Maurice--to the worst like Eric or Tammi--has ever, ever, written anyone up for anything so small. He didn't try talking to us about it, it was just "I'm the manager so that's what goes", and those are words we've heard used far too many times before. Matt was so enraged, he was positively speechless and red in the face--and everyone goes, why didn't you talk to him? We did, right here we did! It didn't matter.
Professionally, this was absurd. Where was his write-ups for Steve or himself? Indeed, Nick forgot to do some very important things like, you know, stock at all. But no, no write ups for Nick. But I forgot to dust a machine. In all of my years in work experience as he pointed out, I'd never seen such a poor use of power...and I'd never, ever seen Nick act in a manner that would betray his friends, or choose his company over the friends he was supposed to uphold. 2006 Nick would have never done it, of that I was almost certain, and I was so beside myself I couldn't even talk--and didn't. I needed to cool off. And the worst part of it all was? He had the gall to say, "I know I'm going to sound like a dick for saying this, but I think it's a little too much Bender." ...Was it jealousy, because Bender didn't hang out with him? Was this why he chose Bender for the reason we didn't do our job? We didn't even hang with Bender that day!
But no. We were not listened to. Someone once detailed that maybe this is what happens when you work for someone that's your friend--but that, also, is untrue. I've worked for friends before--indeed, I've had bosses that were my friends before I worked at their company that I lived with while I worked with them (Cody!) and quite frankly I've been in Nick's position before, and I'd never done this--that's the thing that got me most. If the situation were reversed, I would have never, ever done anything like thisd to him. We work things out like men, not...corporate lackeys. Humanity, sir! Later, I hung out with Bender and he got updated on the going-ons, and he was so pissed off for what he did to us himself--like, there was no one there who thought this was acceptable.
But we tried to think nothing of it, and instead of going home, I began to spend my time with Bender...partially to cool off, and partially to give him support because of his trying divorce ahead of him--he wasn't feeling very good at all, and detailed to me several times he didn't wish to be alone in his thoughts that often. And friends? They're more important than anything you see, be it corporate, financial, commercial, and so on. Matt apparently attempted to relay his feelings to Steve, but Steve just went and told Nick right after and Nick changed his status to go Q.Q more (which if you don't know, means "go cry more"). I guess Matt's feelings were a laughing matter. I really, really needed to cool off from this, I was not happy one little bit. And so, I spent a week with them, at Matt's house where we stayed.
We came up with the plan based on the plan that Bender's aunt will soon be going to California for an extended several-month-long visit and she will need someone to feed her cats and help her house, pay her bills, and so on. And he can't be that person that can take care of said house, so he decided it should be me and Matt that take care of her house for her--effectively, a new job, so we can quit TILT and these shenanigans with Nick. And in deciding with this after thinking about it all week, me and Matt decided to tell Nick we wanted to put in our two-week notice. Fran was there visiting us all with her friend Gabe, which was good because Fran is excellent people and I miss her lots--but she was there in the store, so I didn't get to bring up all the problems I had right then with Nick--I didn't wanna make a scene or distract from her visit.
So I simply said I wasn't happy working for Nick any longer, but I wanted to remain friends, and we were going to give in our two weeks. He accepted.
Later that night, me, Fran, Bender, Matt, and Gabe all went to the park to meet up, and talked and had good times--albeit Gave invited himself to be thrown into the river with only a metal bench to save him. I don't know why he'd ask this of us, but...he did. He said "I don't like Terry Bogard", so I might be wrong somewhat in the wording, but it roughly translates into "throw me into the river, with a metal bench as my boat." hahaha! But we all had fun, and then we were to go to the bowling game with all of us, plus Nick and Steve. The two of them bring along Pseudo-Troy, and there is bowling and good times had by all, albeit a layer of apprehension I feel somewhere in there. Afterwords, we all go to hang out at Walmart, albeit Nick and gang stay apart from us 'til Nick leaves and we've no real idea why.
Later on, I got an e-mail from Nick, explaining his side of things...and he had three topics to relay. But in the end, he didn't understand how I could misconstrue a boss asking his employee to do better as a personal attack from Nick as a best friend. In all honesty, I didn't separate them--Nick, is Nick, is Nick. We don't shut ourselves off for a job. But even on a purely professional level, that was an unacceptable set of things he did...but I was honest when I said I wanted my old Nick friend back. He thought I was by chance lying and had no respect for him and found it unkind considering all the things he had done to see me get to Florida in the first place, but I explained...had I no respect for him indeed, I wouldn't have given him a two week notice at all. Quit with Matt, both of us on the spot, and let him take all our hours.
But, no. I respected my friend, even if he lost his way. That's what we do.
So, things seemed well with this. The one other major concern, came from his father, who was apparently upset with me for my "total lack of respect for the family". Man...this is a subject all by itself, which Nick said prolly stems from recently not giving him $80 my last paycheck. I couldn't honestly believe that he had said that...particularly, from my standing, Nick's dad kept changing the deal, and that doesn't sit well with me. I like him and all, but when I moved here to Florida I was told I was supposed to cover half the Comcast bill and chip in for food (the other half to be from Nick). That was the deal. And several, several times something's gone awry with this deal.
The first time I had money, I spent a hundred and fifty on said Comcast bill (because that is the bill I was supposed to cover in our deal and there was no other deal in question but that one)--understand I was only supposed to pitch about $70 a month towards that bill, I paid more than double because I love helping people, helping the family I'm with, that's what I do. And? I got yelled at for it. Nick's dad was not happy I didn't give the money directly to him, because supposedly he paid this bill already (even though I double-checked with Comcast people and they said no such thing--lying to me just to prove a point?), that he was the man of the house so he should get all of the money in cash and he can then decide what bills it's spent on. Now...if I was to cover any bill but Comcast, this would maybe make sense to me. But that's not the case.
The deal changed again, and Nick told me his dad wanted $50 a paycheck which would be a hundred a month which was ok--nothing changed, the original plan would have equated to $100 a month anyway. Just, now not on a specific bill, and I was told I should pay in weekly increments. That's not the way I like to do things--bills are monthly. Likewise, I like to pay monthly. One paycheck for serious matters, one for matters concerning myself. Then later, Nick's mom said he wanted $70 a paycheck (a hundred and forty a month). Changed? For what purpose? Am I getting punished? If someone had asked me if it was ok to change the deal, I'd been fine--I understand people need money in hard times and $100 is really fortunate, even though I pretty much only make $100 a week. But no, pulled the carpet out from under me instead they did.
Well anyhow, the beginning of January, I paid Nick's dad $100. I was told I didn't have to, but I did it because I'd understood they were under hard times. Then I paid him $50 during the paycheck he was currently upset about, the very next time around 'cuz I was overdrawn trying to give him this $100 a month and help him out--and Nick's dad always said to me that if I'm short, just say "hey this is all I can pay right now but this is all of it", and I did say that to everyone and I did give them all that I had. And now the deal is altered even further to $80 a month, from what this e-mail was telling me...they've changed it again. And they told me this was how it always was, but hey--Jew mind, I don't forget monetary value easily. And now, I'm, disrespectful for not paying it? Even if it had been the amount, I did as they instructed and gave all that I could and just tried to pay the rest when I could--and I get told I'm disrespectful, for following their call.
Now, this also made me real mad. I don't blame Nick at all for this one, he's absolutely got no control over what other people think, and this is his father's business...but where I come from? Family, or people staying in your home...we help each other out, yeah? Do what we can, and we don't punish people for not being able to comply, especially as long as they're trying. I came here to find solid ground, man. If I wanted house-politics, I'd'a stayed living with my brother--there was a deal here, and now I didn't feel like it's so stable anymore. I'd'a been more than happy to help out even more the soonest I got another paycheck, I'd'a dumped it all if they said they needed it and asked me! Jim's seen me do it, countless times, I ain't the greedy sort! But instead, they do this?? Damn it man, I don't get it at all. And here, I'm called disrespectful. Right, yeah. More on this later.
But I get sidetracked. Nick laid out all of these to me and we discussed it, and while he did not apologize for his nature over the course of working for him, I do hope he saw exactly where I was coming from--that, that is just something you do not do to people, much less friends, whether in the corporate world or not--especially if they are friends. But we seem to be now on good terms, and that whole messy business is behind us, although we've yet to hang out with each other truly since the incident occurred, due mainly to poor timing to drunkards from Steve's house. I think he may have thought that I was abusing the fact that he was a friend so I wouldn't have to do any work--but no, I did plenty of work indeed. Perhaps not so good on the stocking, but...there was nothing at all to stock. I did my instructions as labeled in the worker's manual at the store, indeed.
So, I didn't feel up to coming home the second week because of news like his dad's spite, and again, Bender could still use company, so a whole 'nother week was devoted to hanging out with Bender and Matt once more. We did all kindsa things--Bender introduced me to his friends like Dorothy, hangin' out with his brother Brandon, and we watched all kinna movies that Matt's never seen before in his life (some that he really should have!), and general hang-outs and clowning around. I really had a lot of fun, and like I said, I really had to thank Bender for all that he'd done for us--up to and including getting that new job for us, albeit we still worked at our old job serving out our two weeks. Our friend Andria had gotten hired to replace us, and Nick? He seemed to calm down off his stuff a lot too, so it looked like TILT would remain in fairly decent hands... Then finally, came the eventful days to end all eventful days.
Monday the 26th was our last day with Nick Bender before he went back home once and for all. We said many-a-sad farewells, and he left us. So Tuesday the 27th, I'd head back home with Nick after work. Me and Matt took the bus in to work, although it felt very strange indeed--that we shouldn't go. Everything in the world seemed out to stop us from going, but indeed we did get there!...only to walk in on Nick, Steve, and Nick's boss Mark Frank from corporate all standing around, and Steve announces that we are all indeed fired. Well, laid-off. There had been a giant black machine that dispenses prizes that was moved into TILT only a week before--and it was just that, a prize machine. But what none of us--not even Nick--was privy to, was that this machine wasn't just there to give out different prizes than we did--more options. No, it was there to replace us.
Indeed, from this day forward, TILT has now become fully automated! As evidence by the title of this journal entry when I made it, machines are beginning the process of taking over even more jobs, as of now--and who's to blame? With the economy as it is, people will no doubt continue to try and devise ways for automated machines to take us over. There will be no one to attend the place during it's operational hours. No one to give out change, or fix a machine when it breaks. No one to give out prizes, or ensure there are no thieves breaking and destroying or worse. Indeed, no one will be there--me, Matt, Steve, and Andria were all laid off, right then and there, replaced by this black contraption. Only Nick gets to keep his job, with his hours reduced to only 20 hours.
This...was amazing, we'd never seen anything like it before, and indeed me and Matt were so profoundly shocked! Baffled, even! But not sad, no, not at all. It was like all of our hopes were answered at once--indeed we shook everyone's hands, distributed that it'd been an honor to work with them, said several more pleasantries and goodbyes to Nick and Steve (including setting up a time we could meet up at the Denny's and hang out like old times and put this whole business behind us), and went about our way back to...to nowhere! We were obligations lacking 'til February 3rd when Pam's job came in! We just sat about, looking at the expansive weeks before us, and straight just weren't sure what to do from here. We wandered around near aimlessly, but...huh.
I meant to go home with Nick, but...he was busy, so I went to Matt's. When I got there, however, Nick's mom called me and told me that Kevin, Nick's dad, wanted me to leave the house. She said it in a manner that implied it was temporary that I stay there all along--which is flummery, but Kevin didn't like room mates she said and they wanted a room for Madyson and all of this nonsense...I didn't believe a word of it, but I appreciate Nick's mom very much for being so nice to me. I just couldn't, and still can't, believe Nick's dad...more than likely still upset he didn't get all of the money immediately when he wanted it. This was family? Pfui indeed. What's that movie, Lilo & Stitch? "Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten."--right?? This ain't that at all. Man...I can't tell you how happy I was when I learned I was going to be living at Nick's, with his awesome-ass parents and my best friend.
I wish things had worked out very differently...I had a lot of hope. I curse poverty once more, I suppose, for with more money, their pleasantry would surely have been more and blame would not exist.
Then we also got on phone with Pam, and hearing my situation, she offered for us to in fact live in her apartment spot while she is off and me and Matt are taking care of her apartment, but unfortunately that time has been pushed back from February 3rd to sometime in mid-April. Now, this was particularly priceless, because I was in a pickle. In hearing it, Matt's mom insisted I stay here until such things come to pass, and that is precisely where my things have been moved to now. I got to retrieving them with some help, and thanked the Troyers in message for the opportunities they had given me, and wished them good luck on their journeys. I hope they make it, and I'm truly sorry I was seen as such a disrespectful lout in their eyes...I was honored to stay there for the most part, albeit I did not like the change in deals or the blame, and I'll continue to hope for peace in the future.
Our days, since, have been spent here catching Matt up on all the things he didn't ever know or see--video games, movies, lounging about and getting unemployement is our goals, for lack of better ones, until Pam is ready for us. We've had plenty of hang-out times elsewhere (mainly with Mitch and Chris), and we often exercise by walking or jogging about everywhere during the nights, trading tales and so on. I'm not sure exactly what the future has in store for us, but we do have a plan, and according to a recent fortune cookie...our current plans will succeed. Due to not having my computer until very recently, and being so busy with all of this, everybody prolly noticed a complete lack of absence from me--I don't mean that at all, and hopefully you'll see much more of me in the future. Soon, also, we should be hanging out with Nick, Steve, Mitch, and Christina at the local Denny's, for old time's sake.
We'll see how that goes.
For now, take care--and I will see you all hopefully sooner or later!
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
PS: Albeit completely unrelated, these last few weeks on RAW were fucking awesome for no other reason than the video there at the top! Bahaha!
current mood: pity
current music: Mercy Drive - Burn In My Light
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| Sunday, January 11th, 2009
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6:33 pm - ~*~ LJ Year Review & Denny's Fun! ~*~
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I'm taking this from Shannon--You go through your LJ calendar and post the first sentence of the first post you made each month, and that's supposed to be your year in review. While I understand that this is Live Journal, my other journals say the same thing as my journal too, and so there's no issue in putting it there either! Let us begin:
Jan:
Well, I bring to you updates on how New Years went.
Feb:
As a to-be-continued from last journal, I bring you the next activities in class.
Mar:
Self-disclosure is both the conscious and unconscious act of revealing more about ourselves to others.
Apr:
So I'm sure it's felt like a minute since last I had anything to say!
May:
Conflict management refers to the long-term management of intractable conflicts.
Jun:
So a week after returning from Texas, I finally write you my next journal entry.
Jul:
Time flies by extremely fast for us here in 2008, and everything's been one mess after another.
Aug:
It's been a while, it's been a while!
Sep:
(No Entry.)
Oct:
(No Entry.)
Nov:
Much has gone on since the last time I posted.
Dec:
We take a break from our regularly-scheduled dour Walker blogs to bring you something truly hilarious!
And there it is! Most of my journal entries, I've noticed, open up with sentences either class-related, or a line telling you I haven't updated in a while. So...not actually very enlightening to the concept of yearly review, as the only thing you can muster from it is I listen to my teacher, and I only update usually once a month. Oh well! Rest of the journal entry should be pretty interesting though, as I bring you yet another Denny's story, with a moral to it! You've heard me talk about our previous people that work at the Denny's that we like--Mike the cook, Christina and Kelly and Patrick are the usual nightly waiters/waitresses of mention, and..well, J.T. got transferred, so no more J.T. -.-
ANYWAY! So we're sitting there, enjoying lulz, just me, Matt, Mitch, Chris, and Nick--I think was the cast, anyhow, when we see these various Mexi-kids come in and sit down. Well not kids really, but you know, really preppy cats--two of them with their dressed-to-impress girlfriends. Two sit down at the assigned booth next to us, and the other two walk off towards the bathrooms. At first we think nothing of it, but then we realize they're gone for a little bit...too long. We called Kelly in there and told her about it, and she went marching off to the girl's bathroom...then came back real quick, nodding that there was indeed flummery going on about in the bathroom when she walked in on them.
They apparently saw her, 'cuz we hear him come out of the girl's bathroom and go into the guy's bathroom. But we only hear this, so we wonder if he took her into the guy's bathroom where Kelly can't go--and since Patrick isn't volunteering to find out, everyone's like "YOU should walk on them Walker!" and I'm like, fuck it, and up I go. I walk into the back and turn the corner, and WHAM kick open the door as hard as I can to start marching inside, throwing open stalls as I do--I walked past him where he was fixing himself in the mirror, and he ran out VERY quick, but I didn't halt in my performance until I was satisfied he was certain I was looking for shenanigans. I throw back open the door and come out to the gang laughing in his face--and he turns around, looking peeved, and marches back in once I past him.
Soon, he goes and gets his girl, and the two walk out together to us laughing at him the whole way. They sit down and start telling their friends--and oh man the comments we heard as they pointed at us. "THOSE GUYS ARE JERKS!" and she'd go, "I DON'T CARE!"--the dudes looked like they wanted to start something, but seeing our size, style, and numbers, felt that'd only get them hurt. They were so damned incensed--especially since we hadn't stopped laughing and making fun of the situation to one another ourselves--that they left, pissed off, and didn't even bother ordering anything. And we all laughed, and laughed, and Kelly and Patrick laughed, and we all laughed some more and too bad Christina wasn't there and laaaaughed.......
..Point of the story is this: Don't have sex at public bathrooms. We'll make it difficult. We aren't ashamed to make you a fool, and more than likely will just for funzies. In the meantime, not a whole lot has changed since my last post--still working to attain the same goals, same resolution: get the money. Also hung out with Matt, and a lot of good things coming out life, while sifting through the bad. We'll see where time takes us, and we'll see if things can be managed in a good deal of time. I have a good feeling about this, like..I feel like I'm actually able to tangibly touch my future, and move it into a direction I want it. I have a good feeling, and I think it's going to work out great. I'll keep you informed.
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
Mr. T Sez: No, I don't hate Balboa. I pity the fool.
current mood: aggravated
current music: K-Ci & JoJo - It's Me
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| Sunday, January 4th, 2009
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4:44 am - ~*~ California Love! ~*~
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"... Fiendin' for money and alcohol, the life of the \X/estside!" - Tupac Shakur
As you ALL know, last blog I posted all about the party of a life time, the only other thing as big as the Metrocon, and it's Jamie's New Years party. Now..this has existed in various incarnations in the past. Originally, it was her and her crew up in the Placerville area of California, and we'd all get up to the mountains somehow and rock out--and I met people that were at that time really cool and I thought were good friends through the first several parties--maybe not all of them stayed friends for various reasons, on the other hand some did, but that's what it was, the first three of these were usually pretty smooth, with the barn outside, and a huge-ass bonfire complete with roasting of various things (hotdogs, smores, marshmellows etc).
Then we had a transition year where things began to change, meeting people from The Bay, which is where me and Jamie had moved to after enough time. It was interesting times, to be sure!
The next three years have shown this to completely change, with a new city representing her party (San José) and some people just not making it anymore, and new people from the Bay Area! Many more people met through this, and the parties weren't ever quite as smooth, nor was there the bonfires and instead things were replaced with a more digital age--TVs, DVDs, video games, the comforts of in-home, but still very much a social gathering as those weren't the focus, and it was still 90% talking, story-telling, and shooting the shit with good people. Alcohol was on the light rather than the never. Changes came through for everyone--some more than others (Justin becomes the Czar of Christianity and needs to eat a sammich for instance), and there came some small drama, but for the most part we made do with what we could do and had a blast to be sure!
Then came THIS year. And man, lemme tell you, I, loved, this New Years. Here's how it went:
~*~ The Getting There ~*~
The beginning of this story starts with Priceline.com and all it's glory. Now, you all know, I love Priceline. I used to use Cheaptickets.com, 'til I found this--and William Shatner has always been the man to me, and helped me with many-a-deals. But......man. Motherfuckers need to learn what Christmas is. I didn't have an amazing amount of money in my bank account, but I wanted to see if I could get a plane ticket on this low of fund, and pay it back when I returned by over-drawing. No problem right? And I sorta wanted to see what the prices were anyway, even if it did decline the transaction--sometimes it's too much, I wasn't exactly sure how much I had. Unfortunately for me, Priceline remembered me from the last time I used them on my account, which is when I flew down to Florida for Metrocon with Kurtis and I used my mom's card to make the purchases and just gave her the money.
So, a few clicks away, I see my credit card accept it, all's well!...and then Nick gets a phone call going, "Why the Hell is there $400 trying to be taken out of my account?" from my mom hahaha! Oh man, I felt so bad, but she was able to cancel the transaction using her bank (because calling Priceline caused them to not care about my problems and said it was impossible to cancel). So, attempt #1 ended in failure, but this was good! Now, attempt number two. I go BACK to Priceline.com and I attempt again. This time, I know the exact nature of my funds, but I know it ain't cutting it exactly--I COULD wait for next paycheck, but I decide to check out the Bargain area--you know, the Name Your Own Price thing where you bargain for tickets. I put in one amount, it said no, but then offered me another--and it was a really sweet one, $338 to leave on the 31st and come back on the 1st and it says it'll find me times between 6AM and 10PM. So I'm like, excellent, please do! And click the "Next" button.
...Unfortunately, I didn't realize that it picks out a ticket at random and gives it to you. I thought, when it said it'd find me something between 6AM and 10PM, it'd give me when I wanna fly options. No, not at all. It has me flying out to California and arriving at 10PM and leaving at 6AM the next morning. Fuck that man! That ain't a New Years, that's a joke! I was so upset, I can't even begin to tell you, and what's worse is that Christmas time's rollin' around and my ass is broke for holidays! And I thought we got paid before the New Years--but not at all. It's two days AFTER New Years. I'm like oh God damn it--so here I am feeling really bad, I got some money left I put into my account but it's not letting me touch it for whatever reason--maybe the holidays are slowing things up, but I felt bad, so next paycheck I tell the Troyer people I'm'a hook 'em up, true story.
But this still doesn't solve my Plane Ticket blues here. Welcome to attempt #3:
Here I was, I'd been steadily gathering money from people I knew--borrowing on a massive scale, knowing I was gonna get paid a bigass paycheck two days after the deed's done. And it's here when I have about $120 in the bank account (and I figure I can overdraw another $100), Andrea and Jamie come in. They're just like, well Walker--no, you need to come here so we can see you. Andrea throws down a $50 with potential for $100 onto the table, and Jamie offers up $120. I was very touched by all of this, but in order to get it, I needed to set up Paypal. No problem right? I already had one, but I didn't have it linked to my bank account. So, I went to do that. Unfortunately, setting up online banking with WaMu was an adventure all by itself, and even when it was done and they sent it over and I wait a day, still none of their money shows up on my account. I was like, "What the Hell??", this is cutting it dangerously close.
The next day--the 28th--has arrived. I figure out the problem--that Paypal needs you to download the money into the bank account. However, even if I had done it when I got it, it wouldn't go into the bank account directly--I'd have to wait 2 to 4 business days! And they expect it'd go in on the 2nd. NOT GOOD WHATSOEVER.
SO, again, I call Jamie and I'm like, I don't think I can go--and she's like no, that's nonsense, and buys my ticket outright, telling me to pay her back the moment I get my next paycheck (which should cash tomorrow). So then it's on, California dreamin'! I can't wait to get there, man I'm psyched! I call the Nickster, 'cuz he said even if he couldn't make it, he'd gimme a ride--he just hoped it wasn't in Tampa, but Tampa was the cheaper flight by tons as usual. But now, I'm assuming 'cuz'a Christmas, Nick couldn't make it--time just didn't cut it. Plane flight was for tomorrow (30th), so I was suddenly screwed! I called around, but ain't no Chris Steinwinders around the East Coast willin' to pop Walker a ride for no other reason than just a nice thing to do--at least, not ones with money and cars.
So as last resort, that very night we'd just seen the new Valkyrie movie with Tom Cruise with Mitch, and his friend Sean, and his girlfriend. So I was like...I know Mitch don't got a ride, but maybe either of those two--Mitch or his girlfriend--could help out, maybe. It was Nick's suggestion I do so, and if not them, I was gonna try Sonja and Jordan in the morning, maybe Aaron, and if that didn't go I was just gonna try to muscle a trip to the Greyhound, take a bus up for $18, then walk the 6 or so miles from Tampa's Greyhound station to the Tampa airport. And that looked like about what I was gonna do 'cuz Sean couldn't do it--he was gonna, but then he remembered he was gonna help a friend move or something to that effect and couldn't do it. Again..I'd call a few more people the next day, and then try Greyhound. So..sleep I went, givin' up, and then BOOM next morning when I wake up, Mitch's telling me Sean's gonna be able to drive me anyway. Lucky break was lucky, next day we'll take off at 10~!
I stay up most the night, sleep from 4 to 7, 'cuz you gotta keep some tired in you so that you can sleep on the plane and stay up all night New Years night right? Here it is the 30th of December, I get all my shit together. Sean and his friend he brings along (forgot the cat's name--I'm not good with names x.o) come 15 minutes early, but that's cool, we were on the road by 10AM and things went good. What I DIDN'T know--and I wish I had 'cuz I'd'a told them they should'a headed over even earlier--is that Sean's car has been acting up, and so they wanted to take the long way on the back roads rather than the highway. I was really, really worried we wouldn't make my plane flight on time--but I tried not to let it worry me, and enjoyed the ride and the coolness of the cats I was riding with. We got there at 11:30, and my plane flight left at 12:10 going from Tampa, FL to Washington DC to Denver, CO to San Jose, CA--but then we couldn't find the doors right! It was like a maze!
I was in such a rush when we finally found our way to the gate, I just grabbed my bag and saluted the guys sayin' I'd buy 'em drinks and ran off--completely forgetting to give Sean his gas money, which makes me feel like a dick real bad so I hope to get that to him soon, and I'm runnin' into the place--now, the itinerary told me that this was a United Artist ticket. Typically I take Southwest or US Airways, which always tell me I need to be there a half-hour early (remember the last Airline Clusterfuck? Lesson learned!) and I was--11:35. The woman stopped me at the back of the line and asked if I was checking in with luggage--which I was not, just a carry-on, so she tells me to check in using the mechanical check-in computer things on the wall. So I do. The first one breaks and reboots, and then the second one refuses my ticket, saying it's a US Airways ticket. Aw fuck! Other wise of the entire airport lobby I go, and I try using the machine there. It, too, does not work, saying my ticket doesn't exist.
So now I'm POSITIVE I read correctly and it was United Airlines. I go back to the United Airlines line, and wait in line to speak to someone at the desk after explaining my whole story to the girl at the back of the line that sent me to the computers to begin with. They're like, no, that's US Airways. So back to US Airways I go, stand in their line instead of computering it, and this is where I get to a fella named Marty. Now, Marty's a bad son of a bitch--if he ever gets around to my blogs or something, I wanna thank him from the bottom of my heart all over again for doing what he did for me. Apparently, it IS a United Airlines ticket, but they contracted US Airways to carry it out--weird, right? And that means, when I tried checking into US Airways, by that point I was too late for my flight--need to be there 30 minutes prior, right? And I hadn't been, 'cuz of the confusion. Marty spent the whole time trying to give me a new flight on US Airway's bill, but no go there was nothing, and he couldn't modify the old ticket any because United Airlines wouldn't let him.
Calling United Airlines also got him informed that THEIR desk makes you check in 45 minutes early rather than 30, so I would have been too late anyway and so it's all my fault. They say they can put me on a flight for the next day, at an additional charge of $150.
Marty does everything he can, but he can't do much, and he says I should go to United Artists at the counter, find someone sympathetic to wave the fees, and try what I can--and I do so. There was this badass chick there by the name of Cheryl that I was lucky enough to wait through the line for and she heard me out--I told it exactly as I have here, 'sept I said I got here 15 minutes earlier than I did. She takes one look at me, and then to her screen--takatakataka furious typing for a good long 15 minutes. Then, bam, she hooks me up with a super-flight from Tampa, FL to Houston, TX and then Houston, TX to Denver, CO to catch that Denver-to-San Jose flight that will take me the rest of the way! I'm like, Hell yeah! And this girl doesn't even let her boss's words effect her, she's just like no, this guy's goin' on the plane. This flight leaves at 2PM, and it's been contracted also to another airline--Continental. So I gotta go over to them and get that shit done.
THIS line was a fucking nightmare. It did not move. It just got bigger. Why? Because there was a family at the front--fucking five kids, two parents, and some uncle, and about a billion huge bags--not really a billion, but I'd say thirty--piled up next to them to be checked in. What's worse, it looks like they fucked up, 'cuz the girl up there--WHO IS THE ONLY ONE AT THE COUNTER--is looking concerned and discussing their flights rather than just checking their shit in. This takes pretty much forever, and I start to get worried I'm gonna miss my flight again 'cuz I'm standing in this bullshit fucking line hahaha, FINALLY after an hour a dude that looks like an elderly Kevin Smith without the beard and only a mustache shows up, red vest and all (wish I could'a remembered his name) and moves the rest of the line down. He apologizes to everyone, he just clocked in and he's appalled they didn't assign more people, etc etc. If I approached and he said my ticket wasn't good or my seating wasn't available or I came too late or ANYTHING like that, I'd'a just decked him. And if it was gonna be 'cuz of that line, I'd'a decked that whole family too. BUT! It didn't end up that way, and off I was!
I went to Marty and Cheryl both, giving my thankyous to them for helping me out the best they could and explaining the good results, and then go through security. Now, when you change a ticket last-minute at an airport, it gets you inducted into the system as a possible threat--this I did not know. What's usually a 5 to 15 minute walk through ends up being about 45 minutes, as they must now search through everything several times, make me step into this image-scanner machine, and check my shit out with the PC. Finally, I'm let out, given my backpack and shoes and stuff back, and leave to the plane I almost miss--but I get on it. Sleep? Pretty much impossible on this one, it's hard to sleep any good unless I got a window flight. Damn them.
Houston was sucky as Hell also, 'cuz I gotta walk a mile and a half of airport (not a joke) to get to the bus that takes me to the terminals that are United Artist; this bus effectively takes me out of security, so I gotta go through it AGAIN too, and I almost miss THAT flight too--but I make it on time, and didn't have time to go kidnap David (Gallows) and put him in my suitcase for the trip, this had a window seat, and by the time I get to Denver (which was not a window) things went more or less smoothly--except the plane broke and they had to repair it for 45 minutes, making us 45 minutes late. Jamie was worried as Hell, no doubt, but when I got there Ralph and her were there in waitin'! Hugs to all were exchanged, and we headed out--got some San José Denny's, and man..I can't tell you how good it felt to be back in Sanny J. I felt like, I was immediately home. Like, the shit that happened in Sacramento and the subsequent adventure to Sarasota, that was all a dream...but more on this later.
We got back, and hung out for a while in Jamie's new house--a house she got with her (still sleeping) room mates Anna and Rachel. Then came the sleep time, and me and Jamie both camped out on the gargantuan couch of their's that could sleep like three people in different spots, and man..like I said, it was just so good to be there. It was really good to see her and Ralph again, it was really good to be there in California for the New Years again, everything felt a million times better and right, and I felt--I dunno man, I don't get actually happy very often, and there I was--things were happy, and I owed a lot to the people that made it happen, that helped me get there--you guys are the absolute best. And the next day..? Would begin the beginning of the massive New Years party, the best of the parties, with such a splash of people from all walks of Walker's life, and other lives on top of--I had no idea things went this well!
~*~ The New Years Party! ~*~
Getting to the point of wake up was earlier than anyone would'a liked, 'cuz there was a guy coming to fix Jamie's washing machine as it had at recent broke. However, we were pumped for the day as always, and soon enough Ralph returned to help us set up--which me and Ralph made some really lame attempts at decorating (did best that we could do with what we had and our male creativity process T_T) and then around 12pm I started to make calls to cats and see who and what was coming. I already knew that some people couldn't go--Jacob had to work 'til 10:30 and his girlfriend Heather wasn't allowed to drive anywhere (despite being 20 something years old) on New years in the dark by her daddy. So, they weren't coming. Josh already made the cancel, and David (Wicks), Jonathan, Robert, and Mason all canceled 'cuz they wanted to hang out with their military buddy rather than bringing him along for the fun. Jerks. T_T
Chris (Steinwinder) was still on the go, so that was good, but Brian and Cody both canceled (again). So only Jim and Matt were gonna come on over, and completely lacking a Wally in tow. They were gonna head over around 2ish. Zeke and Rebecca said they were gonna make their move at 3, and Brent said he was gonna drive Sean, Kurtis, and Janessa down around 4 or 5, with no Dustin coming this time around either. D: BUT. That's still many people from my camp on the way--I dunno about Andrea yet, but she end up not making it which was a possibility, as well as Rebecca didn't show but that's 'cuz she was still in Texas with her family. That left eight people coming down from my list, not including Jamie and Ralph. Once more, Justin also cancels, and for a first Tori also cancels--and I really hope it's not due to that goofy shit that happened back in June, 'cuz man..I'm still confused on wtf went down! Jimmy almost came as well, but at last minute other obligations ate him up as well. Le frown. ;_;
ALL THE SAME people started showing up! First came Jim and Matt, who stepped in, and had wanted to take me away to see some movie 'cuz they ain't seen me in a while. While hesitantly down--'cuz I didn't really wanna go leave the party that ain't started yet, nor leave Jamie and Ralph, it was eventually agreed that we'd have Zeke bring down his X-Box 360 and watch Transporter 3 on it (because we somehow had it on DVD). But while waiting for Zeke to show up with it, me and Jim decided to go get some more supplies for Jamie and her party--so it was off to the store to buy ice, alcohols, coffee-style energy drinks, and a Veggie Tray. We made it to the Safeway groceries after getting really lost (and we've lived in San José for years! Shame on us!), but the car-ride there was amazing. I had a long talk with Jim, and I saw all these things I remembered, and man I can't tell you how good it felt to be back in Sanny J. I felt like, I was immediately home. Like, the shit that happened in Sacramento and the subsequent adventure to Sarasota was all a dream...but, again, more on this later.
We made it to the Safeway, and was just about to buy the veggie tray, when a dude that was a veteran from an older war stopped me on my Obama button, and began to question why I like the guy. People stop me for this all the time--I even get it here in the Troyer home, from Jordan or Kevin or so on, and I feel perplexed to explain. I mean--there is just so much I could cover, and I don't wanna spend a million hours going over Obama reasons when I know I'm gonna get interrupted at every turn, and so I tend to give general reasons and hope they've done their homework enough to know where I'm coming from--the dude's extremely intelligent and multi-cultured, not just in skin but in practice, with a background of poverty, and constantly fighting up to his position of power to help the helpless, and has a history of fighting for The People--for us, not some rich dude who already got their life made, but the common man. He's firm but fair, rational, peaceable 'til someone steps over the line, unassuming, honorable, and he comes from a scenario that's completely outside the box, doing his own thing with a hate for the politics and Washington DC of the past 'cuz they screwed us over!
..Anyway, I digress, and that was just a basic summery--look how long that was! I wish 2Pac made a song about it so I could just hand 'em that, 'cuz you know Obama and 'Pac think alike when it comes to the politics! Hahaha...
But anyway, so this dude goes from politics to just sitting there hoping Obama takes the troops out of Iraq and hoping we defeat the evil in Iran and pulling out his war stories where he got several purple hearts and so on, showing off scars. Dude was a cool cat to talk to, but we really didn't have the time for it--we weren't supposed to be gone that long, and it already took us the better part of 30 minutes to even find the damn Safeway. Yet still, another 30 minutes is spent chatting, before we finally break off to go and get the stuff. Appalled at their tiny size, Jim gets a second Veggie Platters and then he gets some Pepsi for Matt. There is none of the drink Jamie wanted, so he suggests BevMo (Beverages & More), which has nearly any drink forever. Good idea! So off we go, to get the alcohol and the ice there.
We got pretty much everything we wanted (except this Monster Lo Ball--which wasn't there O.o), and Jim bought much more alcohol than Jamie thought we'd get, including a huge bottle of Gentleman's Jack, a huge bottle of Sailor Jerry's to compliment the Captain Morgan's already there, and some imported Ukrainian Plum Brandy. But the line? That line was loooong, and we were there for a very long time as well. There was a cool technician there that once worked with things like Netscape that was very nice to us (and was the one that recommended said Plum Brandy, since his wife was from that part of the world), and that helped pass the time, but our crew back at the party were getting impatient. We forgot the ice to headed over to Long's and got that too, and just after we left Jamie calls and tries to get us plastic cups T_T I felt bad we'd already finished, but they wanted us to come back now 'cuz Zeke had arrived with Rebecca, and some other friend (named Skyler).
"Drinks on me, up the cups!" - Will Smith
We jammed and then some, man! The party was blazin', and everyone showed up all over the place! We played Street Fighter II HD (which had sprites that looked fucking fantastic--Capcom make more of this shit for real!), and bullshitted like whoa--Brent came by with the Sac-Town gang, and everyone got to meet everyone else, it was like entire worlds colliding and mixing very well, with everyone having fun and a blast. We talked in one part of the house, and then another, in the back yard, in the front yard--we mainly hung out in the kitchen, tho, since that's where the alcohol was, and me and Zeke were hittin' that Gentleman's Jack back 'til it was gone, and then movin' on to the next! Jim told stories to Sean and Zeke and Kurtis all night long, and then had his own fun and games, while others watched movies and eventually turned to Rockband, and then we hit the Apples to Apples after hours of shooting the shit and drunken fun, and--
Man, I couldn't describe. It was just fun from one second to next, and pretty much no problems.
This party rocked so much, man, I can't even begin to explain. Jim left early which was too bad, and Matt was his ride..Chris Steinwinder never (his car got totaled by some asshat) and showed up and Chris Bennett showed up instead, little sad things there, but it was mostly just awesome forever. I was so damn tired from all of that, and considering I didn't get good sleep my plane flight over and only some hours of sleep to make up for it (plus alcohol as a whole makes me sleepy if I'm inactive), I actually fell asleep for a little bit..but then woke up to more fun. I saw Sean off with Brent while Kurtis and Janessa stayed behind, Rebecca took Zeke home and Ralph eventually left as well, leaving me and Jamie with Kurtis, Janessa, and Skyler (of all people O.o). We calmed down as well, and eventually went to sleep, after good nights to the room mates of Jamie--Rachel, Anna, and Anna's boyfriend who isn't a room mate but is pretty much always there forever, but doesn't pay despite always being there..? O.o But, he seemed like cool peoples all the same.
New Years was great, n' despite the crap that 2008 had, 2009 is here, and I expect good changes.
And we slept (slept!) slept (slept!) slept (slept!) slept as hard as we could.
ZzZZzzzzzZzzzzzZzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzZzzz, motherfucker!
~*~ The Aftermath. ~*~
Now we come to the real bread-and-butter of our story. This is the shit where, when it's all done, I take a look around--and I realize how amazing this experience has been for me. It's not like I didn't want it before, and it's not like I didn't realize how good these friends of mine were before--it ain't that, but, it's just an eye-opener to experience San José again, it's sights and opportunities, and what I left behind, all over again--living on my own with room mates rather than parents in a world where people make their futures, rather than retire from them, in the city. What's this all mean? Well, if you remember back in the blog where I revealed my moving to Sarasota, Florida, I made a whole entry about how I didn't know whether I'd be staying in Florida or going back to California, in the end. I didn't know where I wanted to be, or where I belonged even.
I was lost and confused, disconnected and discombobulated. I felt betrayed and ran out.
But that's all changed, here and now. Going into San José, it's difference to my situation in Sacramento, reminded me that when I was living there (minus any scenario with Richard or Peter) were the times I was really into the making things work, accomplishing what I could, with great people living with them and all that--high job, my own place with my name on it, the fast lane of life with the big city. The Troyers and Nick himself have been tremendously kind to bring me down here to, as Nick said, live down here for a while 'til I find something better, giving me a job and helping me get back on my feet--and I can't tell you how thankful I am for the opportunity to spend time here, and be under their roof, it was a real honor, but all good things gotta come to an end. I'm not saying today, or tomorrow, or even anywhere near here--finding a way to comfortably move back to California, not by someone else's comfort but my comfort to ensure I'm not with another Peter or Richard or Sean or Sammy situation, or something else as goofy or goofier than my home situation, will not be easy, I imagine.
...I plan to stay here for a good long while yet. But, my goal now is to get back to California.
I wanna attend college man--and the easiest way, is not waiting a year for Florida to accept me as a citizen. Even if California forgot I was a citizen, it only takes a few months to be one again, and it's $20 a unit there as opposed to the rest of the world's expensive-ass gestures. Plus, now that I'm 24, I can start getting loans and financial aid without them looking at what my mom makes as a yes or no. Like Jordan said, if I don't get to school now, I'm not gonna! Also, in the city? City like San José man, it is teeming with real jobs right now, real opportunities--Sarasota really isn't that kinda place, Florida as a whole is kinna geared towards vacationing and retiring. Not to say TILT ain't a job, but man--without a car, Sarasota's harder to travel than a place like San José--a lot, and a job will be based around that difficulty. So, I'm gonna be calling and keeping in touch with a lot of my friends, seeing where I can move and what jobs I can get.
Lastly, like I said--this is a wonderful place to visit, and I may live here again some time, who knows what shit the future might bring, for good or bad, but San José really felt like home, and seeing Jamie again and all that--it just made me remember what I was working for, why I was in Sanny J to begin with. Plus? This gives Nick's parents their house back without some guy not exactly attuned to their style out of their way, haha! Like I said, nothing's in cement, this is just kinna how I feel--maybe I can get Nick to come with and hit a situation where a fresh start into a vast pool of opportunity and future could appeal to him, or Mitch, or everyone who knows, but big-city got my name on it, and Tampa ain't the way hahaha! Like goin' from Sunnydale to LA, the difference is clear, and it just feels better to be where you can do a lot of good with a lot of friends in a place that's under your name or you get to make major decisions in. Sometimes I miss that clarity.
But enough about me, yo, let's talk about Jamie, and all the little wonderful things that happened ever since the party! We woke up, and it was learned that my flight was canceled and rescheduled for the next day, same time and all, so we had a day for chillings! We jibba-jabbed with Kurtis and Skyler 'til such time as Nessa woke up to call Zeke and Rebecca who (eventually) came down to pick them up, and then me and Jamie went with Rachel to some foods and discussed some jibba-jabba more. We were supposed to go to Santa Cruz to see one of their friends, but they canceled off, so we ended up heading back and I gave Brian a call to hang. Brian was hungry however, and while we'd just had some eats, Jamie couldn't go 'cuz Chris Bennett was on the way. So! We broke game plan, with Jamie gonna see Chris, and I was gonna go get food with Brian and bring her back to meet Jamie again. I was gone for an hour with Brian, and we had a good time talking about the days and doing some certain game-bashing we love to do when we can, and man it was just an excellent time--glad I got to see the cat!
In fact, I got to see a lot of people from Sanny J, I noticed! Just, not Cody or Robert or Dan or Larry or Jeff or Chris or Mike. Unacceptable. I need to see those bastards again, true story!
When we got back, Jamie was sleeping, and Chris was gone, so Brian just waved to Anna's various guests that'd come over and stepped out to go home himself. I chilled out just gazing around at California weather, enjoying the new thoughts going on in my head about things that could be, and then decided to go hit up the computer Jamie had--and as if she heard me turn it on, she pops out of the room! So we hang out and talk a whole lot more, just reviewing all the past and all the future, and reviewing New Years pictures, and all this neat stuff. Anna had by this point left with hers, and it was just a quiet time between the two of us--and it felt nice to have said quiet time, just relaxing and reflecting and so on. Day ended with Anna coming back, and her and Eric going to bed and us going to sleep on the couch ourselves, and eventually sleep came for us too, elderly kitty chillin' on me and all.
Next we woke, Jamie had to go to work, and so I saw her off and then went doing much the same as I did the night before, sittin' around, lovin' California, and reflecting on possibilities while Jamie's manager she was renting out to showed up to try and fix the water heater. Rachel had already gone, and Anna left later, commenting on some outside light that'd gone missing pointed out by the manager--she gave out hugs and said goobyes and left. Manager left, and Jamie showed up right after, and we headed out to the airport, with Jack in the Box on the way--something else I miss from Cali, not to mention green sauce for Taco Bell food which Florida don't have! Egad! Then we departed, and the flight home began. This was nearly without problem (aside from there being two people with the same seat but they found me another), although sleeping arrangements were difficult, but that caused me to scope out the in-flight movie, called Bottle Shock with Alan Rickman, Bill Pullman, and Eliza Dushku. It was awesome for an art film!
My flight took me from San Jose, CA to Denver, CO again, and then from there straight to Tampa, FL. I landed to find Nick and Steve there, who had to come get me 'cuz Sean said he was too busy, and looking none too happy they had to--and I'm really sorry about that. Hopefully next time I can work someone else out and stop bothering people driving around my ass. When I get back to Cali, a car will be very quickly one of the first things I get--enough of this walking around crap or borrowing rides at constant, Hella bad! We drive home, they go to hang at Steve's house, and the next day, work continues as normal with Matt hangin' out. It's amazing man--just an amazing trip as a whole, I loved the Hell out of this, and California and all my California homies, I love the shit out of you! Man, even those that couldn't make it--fuckin' Scott from San Diego or Andrea from Riverside, yeah you too! From those in the Bay Area from Sanny J to Nick Edenholm, Rebecca, and the Nate, all the way to the Sacramento--you all know who you are! Thank you Jamie for helping me out on all of this, and thank you Ralph and Jim for all your financial hook ups and driving me around--same to you, Nick and Sean, for real!
Really, guys, I can't tell you enough--I loved this, and I love you.
California Love,
Walker Pennington.
Mr. T Sez: Everything started as a dream. You gotta have insight, know what you want. You gotta have a plan. Like I tell anybody, if you fail to plan, you're planning to fail. I've been planning ever since I was a youngster. You've got to start from somewhere. There's nothing wrong or demeaning in flipping burgers. It's more proud than selling drugs.
current mood: focused
current music: 2Pac and Dr. Dre - California Love
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| Sunday, December 14th, 2008
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3:25 pm - ~*~ IT'S HERE AND I LIKE IT! ~*~
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New Years again, brothers and sisters, it's back! And as always, this is the time of the year we go down to Jamie's crib and enjoy a joining of traditions and shenanigans, and it'll most seriously be better than the year previous. This is Jamie's new house, with her new gorgeous lady roommates, and there will be housewarming and being merry to the best of everyone's abilities. This is a chance for people to meet people, for people to reunite, and damn it just to have some responsible good clean fun! It's also the time Walker's comin' back from Florida to California, so if you wanna hang out with me man, head on down!
It's in San José, contact me for the exact address. This is an open invitation to ALL my friends in California--from Scott Antman all the way to Andrea Reece all the way to Jim Erickson all the way to Nate Horsfall tall the way to Kurtis Blankenship, and all the crews that surround these people, and then some. You know me and you're in Cali? IM me at BladeESF or get me a MySpace message or send me an e-mail (BladeESSF@aol.com), and we'll arrange to see you there best we can. In fact, already is Andrea passing through San José, so we'll finally get to meet each other for the first time! It'll be dope as Hell, and I'm looking forward to it!
I'm expecting and inviting all sorts of people. Be there man, for serious--especially you, #2! I know you that are already coming were looking forward to Nick Troyer joining us this year, but he's not gonna be able to--money issues and all--but he says schedule him in for the next, so..sorry to disappoint, but we'll make the best he can. That reminds me though, any friends of mine that happen to BE in California when the ball drops (or want to go if you just happen to have a stack of $400 at your side and wanna kick it at the best), gimme a holler as well. I, for one, am looking real forward to this! Let the jams begin!
To The You,
Walker Pennington.
current music: Will Smith and K-Ci - Will2K
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